This is one seriously fucked up post. We..ll.. not really fucked up to the max. more like... a diet coke version or whatever.
Anyway, I got an SMS from my pal Adamski.
adamski: Dude, I dreamt of you last nite.
me: OMG, me too! Wait a minute, no I didnt. What the heck was I doing in your dream, weh?!
adamski: We're in some village & you're being kidnapped by hantu tetek. Seriously. And you were lovin' it.
(okay, as if HE having a dream of ME wasnt weird enough, right now I have to deal with the fact that he dreamt I'd been kidnapped by a mammary ghost. I dont know whether be freaked out or pop a boner.)
me: What.The.Fuck.???
adamski: You had to flip the boobies over to talk to us. cant remember what you said tho. But theres definitely a smile on your face. THATS SCARY!
me: Fuckoff. I wont be smiling!
adamski: Thats what I was hoping too. But u never looked so happy!
(Obviously you've never seen me when I got a Golden Star for drawing a 4 legged cow. And not 3, like the other kids. Dumbasses. Maybe I won because of the radioactive breath and wings... hmmm..)
me: I oughtta kick your ass for having such a crappy dream. It coulda been Shanon Elizabeth, but noo... it had to be some hantu tetek!
adamski: Heh. Yeah. I'll try to dream something useful next time. But I cant promise anything though. both of u look so cute together.
me: Cheh! (end.)
(Cheh?! Cheh?! What?! No snappy comeback?! Sumbitch..!)
Friday, August 24, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
switzerland baby!
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
From my humble camera.
The signboard of Coesfeld.
The town of Coesfeld
The tree of Coesfeld.
The toilet of Coesfeld. Haha, I joke. This is the administration building.
Um, I fergot what this place is.
Coesfeld Church.
A bridge on the River Rhine. Nessie was born here. Then she got a job in Scotland...
And of course... the best thing to come to Germany after the Internet, KFC and American Pie DVD (German version, with Shanon Elizabeth of course).A gmail chat with Mister Man.
me: alööö
A: alooo
how may I help you
me: nein
ich bin teh o ais limau
A: ich bin straw up your ass
me: scheizer!!! ich bin kick your dumbassenscheizen!
A: achtung!!!! foottien in u crotchen
me: nein. nein. footien u assholven. jackasschorheiven.wakhkahkahkahkakha!
A: hahahahahaha
Sometimes, at odd and rare times, my brother in law is a dumbass.
Sometimes, at odd and rare times, my brother in law is a dumbass.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
on the plane. sideways.
Yes, I know what you are thinking. These images are the wrong way rotated. Honestly, I dunno why!!! Ive rotated it correctly, but it still displays like this. And I have no idea what the menus in this here mac says. Its all in German! Gah! What the hells 'Datei'?? Or 'Bearbeiten'??
German oh german, kenapa ngkau german.
Woohoo! Arrived safely in Segamat, I mean, Germany at precisely 1.30pm. This place are teh cool! Pictures of hot german women (non fat, non uggoes), to follow. Haha, not really.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Germany, baby!
Thats right! Deutchsland! Here I come!Oh, shit!! I just realized I've done a terrible mistake! THATS THE WRONG FLAG!!! Below is the correct one. Man... that was so embarassing...
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Box and helmets.
I was on my way back and I saw this dude with a box on his bike. It was an ordinary box, faded from being exposed too much to the sun.
As I waited for the light to turn green, I stared at this box, which was attached to the rear end of the guys bike and I thought to myself, I wonder if the owner realizes that that is one messed up box. If he stored his helmet in that shit, people could easily open it up and stea- wait a minute...
He's a sikh. He doest use a helmet.
The light turned green and we went our separate ways.
As I waited for the light to turn green, I stared at this box, which was attached to the rear end of the guys bike and I thought to myself, I wonder if the owner realizes that that is one messed up box. If he stored his helmet in that shit, people could easily open it up and stea- wait a minute...
He's a sikh. He doest use a helmet.
The light turned green and we went our separate ways.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Ah, screw it!
I find it amazing that how something so simple, like, say screwing something into wall can be somehow be turned into a something lame. Thats right. Lame. To the point that it just plain sucks!
My sister decided had recently bought a retractable mirror which she uses, as she so succintly put it, 'to easily extract the nose hairs from her nasal cavity'. Well, actually she said, 'senang nak cabot bulu idong'. But essentially, its the same thing. Haha, I joke. She doesnt have a nosetache.
Well, I borrowed a drill from the office, and got all the necessary bits that one needs to make a new asshole for the wall. So I got all the stuff, and proceeded to drill. Drilling isnt that hard, really. It's just that, well, if you drill on a flat and shiny surface, you just have to make sure that, you're not fuckin' stupid.
Anyways, I drilled and I drilled and was nearly finished. All thats needed is the screwing. Which I did. I screwed the screw into some plastic bit that's placed in the wall, when suddenly, the little metal bastard screw BROKE! Leaving the broken screwy thingy bit IN THE FUCKING WALL!!
WHAT.THE.FUCK?!?!?! How the fuck am I sposed to screw the fucking mirror when theres a half a screw still stuck in the fucking wall!!! Mak dia janggut ah!!!
Oh, I tried prying it out and stupidly, I tried drilling in deeper but no such luck. That little bitch was stuck in there until either (a) The walls come tumbling down or (b) Fuck you, you fucking cheap screw.
Well, I was in a 'ah fuckit' moment, so I proceeded to drill another hole right next to the fucked up one. Whats okay was that the fucked up hole is covered by the mirrors base. Like so.
In the end, all went well. I got a new non-breakable screw and screwed the hell outta the mirror. It now rests humbly on the wall. Forever...ever...ever... (echo) ricolaaaaa (echo).
Dont screw with a guy with a drill, bitchas.
My sister decided had recently bought a retractable mirror which she uses, as she so succintly put it, 'to easily extract the nose hairs from her nasal cavity'. Well, actually she said, 'senang nak cabot bulu idong'. But essentially, its the same thing. Haha, I joke. She doesnt have a nosetache.
Well, I borrowed a drill from the office, and got all the necessary bits that one needs to make a new asshole for the wall. So I got all the stuff, and proceeded to drill. Drilling isnt that hard, really. It's just that, well, if you drill on a flat and shiny surface, you just have to make sure that, you're not fuckin' stupid.
Anyways, I drilled and I drilled and was nearly finished. All thats needed is the screwing. Which I did. I screwed the screw into some plastic bit that's placed in the wall, when suddenly, the little metal bastard screw BROKE! Leaving the broken screwy thingy bit IN THE FUCKING WALL!!
WHAT.THE.FUCK?!?!?! How the fuck am I sposed to screw the fucking mirror when theres a half a screw still stuck in the fucking wall!!! Mak dia janggut ah!!!Oh, I tried prying it out and stupidly, I tried drilling in deeper but no such luck. That little bitch was stuck in there until either (a) The walls come tumbling down or (b) Fuck you, you fucking cheap screw.
Well, I was in a 'ah fuckit' moment, so I proceeded to drill another hole right next to the fucked up one. Whats okay was that the fucked up hole is covered by the mirrors base. Like so.
In the end, all went well. I got a new non-breakable screw and screwed the hell outta the mirror. It now rests humbly on the wall. Forever...ever...ever... (echo) ricolaaaaa (echo).Dont screw with a guy with a drill, bitchas.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
The Porn in Starbucks
I was a Sunday. Both my sisters decided that it'd be fun to go out, all 8 of us to go catch a movie. They watched Harry Potsmoker and the whatever while I watched a non-gay movie: Die Hard 4.0. It was awesome! JOHN MCLANES DIES IN THE END! Spoiler ALERT:
Oops. The 'Spoiler Alert' was supposed to be in front, wasnt it? Oh silly me.bwarghahaha!
Anyhoot, before the movies, and because Die Hard and Hairy Potty's times were different ( mine was one and half hour later), I decided to while my time away at some starbucks and reading a novel that I borrowed off some rental bookshop. Which, by the way, had 2 hot receptionists by the name of Melissa and, I dont know know the other ones name. Melissa, if you're reading this, just so you know, if you were a book, I'd rent you. Of course, I make no promises that I wont read you in the john while taking a dump. What the fuck does that even mean anyway?!!?!
Enough fantasies.
Where was I? Right. Starbucks. There I was, sipping on a cup of blatantly expensive ice blended coffee when suddenly, some Mat Salleh chick in a short skirt sat in the chair in front of me. She was busy talking on her handphone and I just sat there, barely glancing at her slightly smooth tanned legs and trying hard to concentrate on the last sentence of whatever the fuck I was reading. From her accent, I could easily distinguish the fact that she was either from Russia, or Italy, or Kelantan.
Dont believe me?? Checkit! Oh yeah, those are my shoes right there, guy! And there be the chick, in all her short skirty glory. I like! How much?!
In between paragraphs, I imagined that, if this had been a porno, it'd prolly be like this:
The woman walks in the coffee shop, the rain that she had just run through had formed visible beads on her svelte, bare parts of her body. She was wearing a short white skirt and a tank top. Her hair was done in a tight pony tail, which she unravels as she enters. She waves her head back and forth. Water from her hair flew in all directions. She was talking on her handphone. There I was, reading a thick hardcover novel, nay, dictionary, which only smart manly men read (while holding it single handedly). I saw her running through the rain and I smiled an inward smile. You lucky woman you.
The wind that came in through as she walked through the doors blew my hair and it fluttered lazily, revealing my rough, manly features. I glanced at her entrance as she quickly proceeds to sit in the empty chair in front of me, oblivious to my presence while still in her busy phone chat, with whoever. I forgive her.
She suddenly looks at me and her features change, as if, for the first time in her life, she is finally seeing the man that has been haunting her romantic dreams all these years. I chuckle softly inside. This is too easy...
Our eyes locked. She gasps as she drops her phone. I stood up, putting down my manly thick hardcover dictionary that I had been holding single handedly, and picked up her phone. I proceed to return the phone to her, while our eyes still interlocked in a massive optical embrace that could melt steel. Steel, I say!
'You dropped your phone, miss,' I spoke. My manly voice reverberates across the tiny room. A glass at the end of the room shakes, spilling liquid slightly. The howling wind blows in through the doors again, scaterring our hairs in all directions. I smile at her. My teeth gleam in the dim light. Suddenly, 70s easy listening disco plays in the background. Pakapakapau kepau pau pau paka pau....
'Timo kaseh, be. Licing tange kawe ni tadi oh. Huje lebok kak luor tu wohh. Sorry ah kawe tak perase abe dok kat depang ni tadi. Kawan kawe telphong ni tadi nih... gedemek betowl, bla bla bla...'
Pakakapaupau-SCRRRRREEEAAACCCHHH!!!!
I snap out of my daydream as if someone had suddenly ran in and drop kicked me square in the face! HOLY CRAP! Where the fuckin' 'ell did that Kelantan accent come from?!?!
Well, that pretty much ended the porno in my brain...
Then I went off for the movie. It.was.awesome! More awesome than sissy transformers, I say. And yes, more awesome than the porn in brain.
Okay, thats all.
Oops. The 'Spoiler Alert' was supposed to be in front, wasnt it? Oh silly me.bwarghahaha!
Anyhoot, before the movies, and because Die Hard and Hairy Potty's times were different ( mine was one and half hour later), I decided to while my time away at some starbucks and reading a novel that I borrowed off some rental bookshop. Which, by the way, had 2 hot receptionists by the name of Melissa and, I dont know know the other ones name. Melissa, if you're reading this, just so you know, if you were a book, I'd rent you. Of course, I make no promises that I wont read you in the john while taking a dump. What the fuck does that even mean anyway?!!?!
Enough fantasies.
Where was I? Right. Starbucks. There I was, sipping on a cup of blatantly expensive ice blended coffee when suddenly, some Mat Salleh chick in a short skirt sat in the chair in front of me. She was busy talking on her handphone and I just sat there, barely glancing at her slightly smooth tanned legs and trying hard to concentrate on the last sentence of whatever the fuck I was reading. From her accent, I could easily distinguish the fact that she was either from Russia, or Italy, or Kelantan.
Dont believe me?? Checkit! Oh yeah, those are my shoes right there, guy! And there be the chick, in all her short skirty glory. I like! How much?!In between paragraphs, I imagined that, if this had been a porno, it'd prolly be like this:
The woman walks in the coffee shop, the rain that she had just run through had formed visible beads on her svelte, bare parts of her body. She was wearing a short white skirt and a tank top. Her hair was done in a tight pony tail, which she unravels as she enters. She waves her head back and forth. Water from her hair flew in all directions. She was talking on her handphone. There I was, reading a thick hardcover novel, nay, dictionary, which only smart manly men read (while holding it single handedly). I saw her running through the rain and I smiled an inward smile. You lucky woman you.
The wind that came in through as she walked through the doors blew my hair and it fluttered lazily, revealing my rough, manly features. I glanced at her entrance as she quickly proceeds to sit in the empty chair in front of me, oblivious to my presence while still in her busy phone chat, with whoever. I forgive her.
She suddenly looks at me and her features change, as if, for the first time in her life, she is finally seeing the man that has been haunting her romantic dreams all these years. I chuckle softly inside. This is too easy...
Our eyes locked. She gasps as she drops her phone. I stood up, putting down my manly thick hardcover dictionary that I had been holding single handedly, and picked up her phone. I proceed to return the phone to her, while our eyes still interlocked in a massive optical embrace that could melt steel. Steel, I say!
'You dropped your phone, miss,' I spoke. My manly voice reverberates across the tiny room. A glass at the end of the room shakes, spilling liquid slightly. The howling wind blows in through the doors again, scaterring our hairs in all directions. I smile at her. My teeth gleam in the dim light. Suddenly, 70s easy listening disco plays in the background. Pakapakapau kepau pau pau paka pau....
'Timo kaseh, be. Licing tange kawe ni tadi oh. Huje lebok kak luor tu wohh. Sorry ah kawe tak perase abe dok kat depang ni tadi. Kawan kawe telphong ni tadi nih... gedemek betowl, bla bla bla...'
Pakakapaupau-SCRRRRREEEAAACCCHHH!!!!
I snap out of my daydream as if someone had suddenly ran in and drop kicked me square in the face! HOLY CRAP! Where the fuckin' 'ell did that Kelantan accent come from?!?!
Well, that pretty much ended the porno in my brain...
Then I went off for the movie. It.was.awesome! More awesome than sissy transformers, I say. And yes, more awesome than the porn in brain.
Okay, thats all.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Alamak...
This is actually an overdue post that happened less than a few weeks back.
So anyways, it was a crappy night. First, my sisters cat peed on my rug in my room and secondly, I managed to destroy my sisters laptop which I eventually will have to pay for. It are teh Sucks! I'm beginning to think my sisters bad luck. Haha, I joke.
I was feeling bored so I let the cat outta the cage and let it go crazy in my room. One thing about Bubu (yes. Bubu. Dont ask! My nieces named the bastard.) is, its a totally fucked up cat!(Persian btw.) It'll maul your hand if you pet it. But not in an aggressive way. It's just its way of playing. And occasionally when it goes overboard, I drop kick it in the face.
That night, it scampered about in my room looking for things to play with, which resulted in the near-destruction of a computer mouse and its misjudgment of the edge of my bed that made it fall off comically. Stupid cat.
So as I was concentrating heavily on Football Manager, it suddenly occured to me that the room was silent. I peered over and to my horror, my lovely rug had a massive yellow river running right in the middle of it. And the cat looking mighty relieved. GAH!!!! Luckily the rug was sorta water resistant and I dragged the sloshing cat pee over to the toilet and rinsed that shit out while Bubu watched in amazement as this human proceeds to clean its peestain. Sprayed its ass with the hose. That'll learn it! Then I sent it off to its cage.
And to make matters worse, I accidentally slept while the laptop was next to my leg on the bed. Me being the aggressive sleeper that I am, accidentally roundhouse kicked the laptop resulted in it doing a swan dive and landed heavily on its LCD screen. Several cracks were born. Several.very.expensive.cracks!
FUCK!
Im not even gonna elaborate on this because its so messed up. Im out.
So anyways, it was a crappy night. First, my sisters cat peed on my rug in my room and secondly, I managed to destroy my sisters laptop which I eventually will have to pay for. It are teh Sucks! I'm beginning to think my sisters bad luck. Haha, I joke.
I was feeling bored so I let the cat outta the cage and let it go crazy in my room. One thing about Bubu (yes. Bubu. Dont ask! My nieces named the bastard.) is, its a totally fucked up cat!(Persian btw.) It'll maul your hand if you pet it. But not in an aggressive way. It's just its way of playing. And occasionally when it goes overboard, I drop kick it in the face.
That night, it scampered about in my room looking for things to play with, which resulted in the near-destruction of a computer mouse and its misjudgment of the edge of my bed that made it fall off comically. Stupid cat.
So as I was concentrating heavily on Football Manager, it suddenly occured to me that the room was silent. I peered over and to my horror, my lovely rug had a massive yellow river running right in the middle of it. And the cat looking mighty relieved. GAH!!!! Luckily the rug was sorta water resistant and I dragged the sloshing cat pee over to the toilet and rinsed that shit out while Bubu watched in amazement as this human proceeds to clean its peestain. Sprayed its ass with the hose. That'll learn it! Then I sent it off to its cage.
And to make matters worse, I accidentally slept while the laptop was next to my leg on the bed. Me being the aggressive sleeper that I am, accidentally roundhouse kicked the laptop resulted in it doing a swan dive and landed heavily on its LCD screen. Several cracks were born. Several.very.expensive.cracks!
FUCK!
Im not even gonna elaborate on this because its so messed up. Im out.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Carma, Scootma, Jamma, Rainma.
'Tuhan kalau nak balas sekejap jek'.
Truer words were never spoken, as they say. Funny story really. We..ll.. its not so much funny as it is just a story. Er...
So anyway there I was, on my trusty scooter on the way home. It'd been a pretty hectic week and I was really looking forward to the weekend. Because my sister had just recently undergone a gallstone removal operation (a Gallstonectomy???? cheh. memandai jek), I decided to visit her over at the 'spital.
As I was cruising down the highway, lo up ahead, 'twas the tail end of a relatively long traffic jam. Of course, I couldnt give a rats butt because lets face it, I was the Jam-Cruise-Mastah!!!
Obviously, I scooted and snaked my way through traffic with glee and thinking to myself, 'heh heh, your poor bastards. Lookit me! Lookit me. Eh, waitaminit, thats Faisal's car!!!' Faisals car, 12 o clock!
Faisal's a colleague from work and this was his usual route home. Just to mess about with him, slowly I rode my bike next to his car, looked at him square in the face and laughed the most evil laugh that I could muster and buggered off between the bumper to bumper crawl before he could respond with anything. Oh the joy of riding on two wheels. Wheee!
And just to sweeten the situation, I texted him, 'HAHAHAHAHAH, JAM!' on the handphone. (which was pretty dangerous. dont try this at home kids.Really. Cause lets face it, you cant ride your scooter in the house) Oh the joy of riding on two wheels. Wheee!
About 2 minutes later, my helmet pinged with the patter of raindrops falling. And the patters became louder and wetter. Felines and canines fell from the sky in droves.
And as if on cue, my handphone buzzed. It was from Faisal and it read, 'Hahaha hujan!'
'Cibet!' I replied weakly.
'Tuhan kalau nak balas sekejap jek.' he replied back.
Gahhhh!!! Poetic justice, no? Oh the joy of riding on two wheels. Whee-Shuddup, jackass!
The rain pretty much canceled my plans of visiting my sister over at the hospital so I went over to Cheras and so I decided to crash at my other sisters house. (and got my butt kicked playing Uno against her kids. Damn youse, poetic justice! Damn youse!)
And that is that.
Truer words were never spoken, as they say. Funny story really. We..ll.. its not so much funny as it is just a story. Er...
So anyway there I was, on my trusty scooter on the way home. It'd been a pretty hectic week and I was really looking forward to the weekend. Because my sister had just recently undergone a gallstone removal operation (a Gallstonectomy???? cheh. memandai jek), I decided to visit her over at the 'spital.
As I was cruising down the highway, lo up ahead, 'twas the tail end of a relatively long traffic jam. Of course, I couldnt give a rats butt because lets face it, I was the Jam-Cruise-Mastah!!!
Obviously, I scooted and snaked my way through traffic with glee and thinking to myself, 'heh heh, your poor bastards. Lookit me! Lookit me. Eh, waitaminit, thats Faisal's car!!!' Faisals car, 12 o clock!
Faisal's a colleague from work and this was his usual route home. Just to mess about with him, slowly I rode my bike next to his car, looked at him square in the face and laughed the most evil laugh that I could muster and buggered off between the bumper to bumper crawl before he could respond with anything. Oh the joy of riding on two wheels. Wheee!
And just to sweeten the situation, I texted him, 'HAHAHAHAHAH, JAM!' on the handphone. (which was pretty dangerous. dont try this at home kids.Really. Cause lets face it, you cant ride your scooter in the house) Oh the joy of riding on two wheels. Wheee!
About 2 minutes later, my helmet pinged with the patter of raindrops falling. And the patters became louder and wetter. Felines and canines fell from the sky in droves.
And as if on cue, my handphone buzzed. It was from Faisal and it read, 'Hahaha hujan!'
'Cibet!' I replied weakly.
'Tuhan kalau nak balas sekejap jek.' he replied back.
Gahhhh!!! Poetic justice, no? Oh the joy of riding on two wheels. Whee-Shuddup, jackass!
The rain pretty much canceled my plans of visiting my sister over at the hospital so I went over to Cheras and so I decided to crash at my other sisters house. (and got my butt kicked playing Uno against her kids. Damn youse, poetic justice! Damn youse!)
And that is that.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Football Manager 2007
Just recently I've got a copy of this game and damn, I am HOOKED! Of course, I have this recurring, for want of a better word, 'problem' where I'm only enamoured to one thing for a short period of time until the part in my brain sez 'Mkay, we're bored.NEXT!' and then I'd move on to another victim. Be it a video game, a toy, a sudden deep interest in computer hardware, apparrel and a plethora of other crap.
But for the moment, its this game, Football Manager 2007.
I got this game from my brother in-law, who's a Chelsea manager. (in the game! in the game! that dude couldnt manage FC JKR Batu Pahat even if he wanted to.)
Essentially its a game of football managerial skills where you manage.. stuff. Yawn? Not quite. Personally, I'm not really a football fan. Rly. Ya rly. No kddng!!1one. But playing this game is most probably maybe starting to convert me into one. Phffbt! Yeah, right!
Okay, we'll see how long it takes till i get bored with this game. Anyone wanna bet? Whoever guesses the near correct time wins... something random off the top of my (office) desk.
Also, the answer to the previous posts' riddle was: Who the fuck cares.
Thank you.
But for the moment, its this game, Football Manager 2007.
I got this game from my brother in-law, who's a Chelsea manager. (in the game! in the game! that dude couldnt manage FC JKR Batu Pahat even if he wanted to.)
Essentially its a game of football managerial skills where you manage.. stuff. Yawn? Not quite. Personally, I'm not really a football fan. Rly. Ya rly. No kddng!!1one. But playing this game is most probably maybe starting to convert me into one. Phffbt! Yeah, right!
Okay, we'll see how long it takes till i get bored with this game. Anyone wanna bet? Whoever guesses the near correct time wins... something random off the top of my (office) desk.
Also, the answer to the previous posts' riddle was: Who the fuck cares.
Thank you.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Heh heh.
Im still around. Been busy as shit these coupla months. Sometimes, you get to a point where you're not really busy but fuckall, im doing, uh, fuckall. (that means, doing nothing at all.)
Last post was.. uh... hmm.. streamyx's being a bitch tonight. Am currently waiting for my blog page to display so's I could check on my last post.
Ah, right, here it is. June 1st. That'd be my last post. Wow. Nearly a month had gone by. And not a single post. Amazing.
Well anyway, I've been thinking that seeing as that my life isnt really as eventful as I thought it would be, I'd probably be posting crap that arent even considered blogworthy. Just so it'd spare me the effort of actually having to form understandable sentences which later bulk up to form several paragraphs that somehow eventually end with me making a summary of what the fuck did I just write.
Uh, what? Ah, fuckit. I keep writing lame-ass posts about why I keep neglecting to write lame-ass posts. This happens each time theres a long pause in the blog timeline.
I'll just end this post with this question:
How do you stuff an elephant in a fridge in three steps?
Last post was.. uh... hmm.. streamyx's being a bitch tonight. Am currently waiting for my blog page to display so's I could check on my last post.
Ah, right, here it is. June 1st. That'd be my last post. Wow. Nearly a month had gone by. And not a single post. Amazing.
Well anyway, I've been thinking that seeing as that my life isnt really as eventful as I thought it would be, I'd probably be posting crap that arent even considered blogworthy. Just so it'd spare me the effort of actually having to form understandable sentences which later bulk up to form several paragraphs that somehow eventually end with me making a summary of what the fuck did I just write.
Uh, what? Ah, fuckit. I keep writing lame-ass posts about why I keep neglecting to write lame-ass posts. This happens each time theres a long pause in the blog timeline.
I'll just end this post with this question:
How do you stuff an elephant in a fridge in three steps?
Friday, June 01, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Me and my Accident.
I had an accident today,
Yeah it pretty much sucked,
When I hit that taxi,
I thought I was fucked.
I had an accident today,
My scooter's not well,
At least I didnt get run over,
Coz that would've been hell.
I had an accident today,
And I think 'twas me fault,
But the taxi suddenly went out of the junction,
And made me kiss asphalt.
I had an accident today,
I checked, Alhamdulillah I was fine,
This wouldnt have happened though,
If I hadnt overtook at a double line.
I had an accident today,
Accidents can be a good teacher,
He'd say ' If you jump a double line,'
'You might be carried off in a stretcher.
So now I end this tragic tale,
Of accidents and remorse.
If I dont learn from this mistake,
I might end up... a corpse.
Nauzubillah Himinzalik.
Yeah it pretty much sucked,
When I hit that taxi,
I thought I was fucked.
I had an accident today,
My scooter's not well,
At least I didnt get run over,
Coz that would've been hell.
I had an accident today,
And I think 'twas me fault,
But the taxi suddenly went out of the junction,
And made me kiss asphalt.
I had an accident today,
I checked, Alhamdulillah I was fine,
This wouldnt have happened though,
If I hadnt overtook at a double line.
I had an accident today,
Accidents can be a good teacher,
He'd say ' If you jump a double line,'
'You might be carried off in a stretcher.
So now I end this tragic tale,
Of accidents and remorse.
If I dont learn from this mistake,
I might end up... a corpse.
Nauzubillah Himinzalik.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
The Oops.
"Huyoo, handphone baru siak!!!! Rokok sebatang!"
Those were the exact words that I said to a totally and utterly complete stranger. And by stranger, I mean, I never knew that person existed, I've never met her before, never seen her walk down the street, never seen her naked with no clothes on, and so forth.
It was around 11am and the bosses werent around so we went down for a 5 minute smoke break. Nurul the Smoker and Faisal the Ex-Mat Rem had already gone down to the parking lot while I was settling a few loose ends up in the studio. After finishing whatever, I went down to join them and I saw Nurul in front of the doorway, smoking. The first thing I noticed was her extremely new handphone that she was holding in her hand. Which I thought was kinda weird because she had just recently bought a Nokia.
'Huyoo, handphone baru siak!!!' I burst out, while still looking at the phone. It was a Sony Erricson or something. 'Rokok sebatang!'
Silence. No usual response from Nurul or any movement of 'Giving Saddiq the Cancer Stick'.
Suddenly, it dawned upon me that that person was NOT Nurul! She only looked like Nurul from behind.
Within that few seconds, a debate started on what my next course of action should be.
'Everyone here?'
'We're here laa, dumbass. Where do you think we're gonna go? Out on an out of body experience? Bodo ni.'
'Uh, right. Okay, so our topic for today is, 'What should I do when confronting with a i'm a jackass-WHO WROTE THIS?!'
' * snigger * '
'OH HAHA! VERY FUNNY! FUCKN' HILARIOUS! Cibet...'
' * khakahkahkahkaa. * '
'NOW if we could move on. As I WAS SAYING, the topic for today is 'WHAT SHOULD I do when confronting with an embarassing mistaken identity situation with a Complete Stranger. Let us start with the... Fight or Flight Department. What say you?'
'WELL,SIMPLE. FIRST WE RUN TOWARDS HER AND DROP-KICK HER IN THE FACE- ohgodohgodohgodlaridohbahayani- AND AFTERTHAT IM GONNA FOLLOW UP WITH A BODYSLAM.THEN IMNA TAKE A TRASHCAN AND- kepalahotakahgilengkosekalidiatahukungfucamanasiakwehblahah...AND WE COULD GIVE HER THE OL' FROG SPLASH FROM THE SECOND FLOOR...?'
'Uh. Right. Thank you for the input. ye psychos... Now. Lets hear from the Kontrol Macho Dept.
'Well, senang je beb. Cenggini ah, first, kita tenung mata dia kan, thats mean kita kasi connection Eyes Contact,baru ada Feeling. Pastu kita selamba je aaa kasi cakap sama dia 'Eh, Kak Long / Amoi, Sorry lar. I ingatkan you ni kawan I tadi. Haw Haw Haw. You nie cute lar. So, you ni dari mana. I worked here in this opis. Ni pirst time I nampak you kat sini.' Pastu apa lagi, mintak la nombor tepon pastu-'
'ARE YOU CRAZY, SHES OLD! ha'atuagakehblahjeahkangdiapanggilboydiapukolkitakang- AND SHE NOT THAT HOT EITHER. WE COULD SLAM A TABLE IN HER FACE FOR BEING UGL-'
'Ye ke tak cun? Kthnxbye.'
'Thank you kontrol macho Department. penyapu... So, next on the list would be, Rational And Common Sense Department.'
'Apologize. Say You're Sorry And Explain That You Mistook Her For Another Person. Give Her A Cheesy Grin And Just Accept The Fact That Humans Make Mistakes. We Are Human Afterall. If She's Like Us, She Would Nod And Grin Because Shes Human Too.'
'Okay. like that'll happen. And now, Idiotic Actions Deparment. Whats your take on the situation? Idiotic Actions Deparment? Woi!'
'.... and then he said, 'IM A JACKASS!' bwahahahahaha!!!!! Sakit siak perot aku!!!!'
'.............'
'What?! It was funny.'
'No it wasnt. It was stupid.'
'So's your face!'
' * sigh * Your opinion on the subject please.'
' Well, I think your face is like someone took an stupid-stick and beat it in the shape of a stupid-'
' IM NOT TALKING ABOUT MY FACE!'
' * BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! * '
' Order! ORDER! ORDER! * bang bang bang *'
' Kuey Tiau Hailam satu! Minom ais limau. Kurang manis. Kasi lap meja ni sekali bang eh?'
' * with great restraint * Will.You.Please. Give. Your. Take. On. The. Situation!!!!!!!'
' Well, just now you said 'Order! Order! and then I said 'Kuey Tiau Hailam-'
' THANK YOU Idiotic Actions department. Moving along'
'....and then I said, 'So's your face!Pffbhhhtttt!!!!!Ohshit,I just sprayed coffee through my nose.'
'I SAID MOVING ALONG! Embarrassment Department.
'k. um. y'know...just...turnaround...puton a red face... fiddle with... the handphone...'
'You're going to have to speak louder.'
'k. isaid..y'know..fiddlewith the... phone. and.. just..y'know...bowthehead down and..'
'What? Eh? Where're you going? So, after hearing all the points from the respective departments, they all suck. Because this is Us we're talking about, and Quick Thinking department is on vacation, we'll use the Wheel of Random Action(TM).'
'Whatever. We dont give a fuck.'
* turn turn turn turn turn turn CLICK.*
'Well, waddaya know. Its settled then. Meeting adjourned. Next one to chair a meeting would be... Embarrassment Dept.'
'what?no...'
And so, I turned around, bowed my head and took out the handphone and fiddled with it and walked away with a red face. Then I saw Nurul and Faisal on the other side of the road and I walked towards them, feeling as if my head would explode. From which they pointed and laughed. Bastards.
Heh heh. That is all.
Those were the exact words that I said to a totally and utterly complete stranger. And by stranger, I mean, I never knew that person existed, I've never met her before, never seen her walk down the street, never seen her naked with no clothes on, and so forth.
It was around 11am and the bosses werent around so we went down for a 5 minute smoke break. Nurul the Smoker and Faisal the Ex-Mat Rem had already gone down to the parking lot while I was settling a few loose ends up in the studio. After finishing whatever, I went down to join them and I saw Nurul in front of the doorway, smoking. The first thing I noticed was her extremely new handphone that she was holding in her hand. Which I thought was kinda weird because she had just recently bought a Nokia.
'Huyoo, handphone baru siak!!!' I burst out, while still looking at the phone. It was a Sony Erricson or something. 'Rokok sebatang!'
Silence. No usual response from Nurul or any movement of 'Giving Saddiq the Cancer Stick'.
Suddenly, it dawned upon me that that person was NOT Nurul! She only looked like Nurul from behind.
Within that few seconds, a debate started on what my next course of action should be.
'Everyone here?'
'We're here laa, dumbass. Where do you think we're gonna go? Out on an out of body experience? Bodo ni.'
'Uh, right. Okay, so our topic for today is, 'What should I do when confronting with a i'm a jackass-WHO WROTE THIS?!'
' * snigger * '
'OH HAHA! VERY FUNNY! FUCKN' HILARIOUS! Cibet...'
' * khakahkahkahkaa. * '
'NOW if we could move on. As I WAS SAYING, the topic for today is 'WHAT SHOULD I do when confronting with an embarassing mistaken identity situation with a Complete Stranger. Let us start with the... Fight or Flight Department. What say you?'
'WELL,SIMPLE. FIRST WE RUN TOWARDS HER AND DROP-KICK HER IN THE FACE- ohgodohgodohgodlaridohbahayani- AND AFTERTHAT IM GONNA FOLLOW UP WITH A BODYSLAM.THEN IMNA TAKE A TRASHCAN AND- kepalahotakahgilengkosekalidiatahukungfucamanasiakwehblahah...AND WE COULD GIVE HER THE OL' FROG SPLASH FROM THE SECOND FLOOR...?'
'Uh. Right. Thank you for the input. ye psychos... Now. Lets hear from the Kontrol Macho Dept.
'Well, senang je beb. Cenggini ah, first, kita tenung mata dia kan, thats mean kita kasi connection Eyes Contact,baru ada Feeling. Pastu kita selamba je aaa kasi cakap sama dia 'Eh, Kak Long / Amoi, Sorry lar. I ingatkan you ni kawan I tadi. Haw Haw Haw. You nie cute lar. So, you ni dari mana. I worked here in this opis. Ni pirst time I nampak you kat sini.' Pastu apa lagi, mintak la nombor tepon pastu-'
'ARE YOU CRAZY, SHES OLD! ha'atuagakehblahjeahkangdiapanggilboydiapukolkitakang- AND SHE NOT THAT HOT EITHER. WE COULD SLAM A TABLE IN HER FACE FOR BEING UGL-'
'Ye ke tak cun? Kthnxbye.'
'Thank you kontrol macho Department. penyapu... So, next on the list would be, Rational And Common Sense Department.'
'Apologize. Say You're Sorry And Explain That You Mistook Her For Another Person. Give Her A Cheesy Grin And Just Accept The Fact That Humans Make Mistakes. We Are Human Afterall. If She's Like Us, She Would Nod And Grin Because Shes Human Too.'
'Okay. like that'll happen. And now, Idiotic Actions Deparment. Whats your take on the situation? Idiotic Actions Deparment? Woi!'
'.... and then he said, 'IM A JACKASS!' bwahahahahaha!!!!! Sakit siak perot aku!!!!'
'.............'
'What?! It was funny.'
'No it wasnt. It was stupid.'
'So's your face!'
' * sigh * Your opinion on the subject please.'
' Well, I think your face is like someone took an stupid-stick and beat it in the shape of a stupid-'
' IM NOT TALKING ABOUT MY FACE!'
' * BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! * '
' Order! ORDER! ORDER! * bang bang bang *'
' Kuey Tiau Hailam satu! Minom ais limau. Kurang manis. Kasi lap meja ni sekali bang eh?'
' * with great restraint * Will.You.Please. Give. Your. Take. On. The. Situation!!!!!!!'
' Well, just now you said 'Order! Order! and then I said 'Kuey Tiau Hailam-'
' THANK YOU Idiotic Actions department. Moving along'
'....and then I said, 'So's your face!Pffbhhhtttt!!!!!Ohshit,I just sprayed coffee through my nose.'
'I SAID MOVING ALONG! Embarrassment Department.
'k. um. y'know...just...turnaround...puton a red face... fiddle with... the handphone...'
'You're going to have to speak louder.'
'k. isaid..y'know..fiddlewith the... phone. and.. just..y'know...bowthehead down and..'
'What? Eh? Where're you going? So, after hearing all the points from the respective departments, they all suck. Because this is Us we're talking about, and Quick Thinking department is on vacation, we'll use the Wheel of Random Action(TM).'
'Whatever. We dont give a fuck.'
* turn turn turn turn turn turn CLICK.*
'Well, waddaya know. Its settled then. Meeting adjourned. Next one to chair a meeting would be... Embarrassment Dept.'
'what?no...'
And so, I turned around, bowed my head and took out the handphone and fiddled with it and walked away with a red face. Then I saw Nurul and Faisal on the other side of the road and I walked towards them, feeling as if my head would explode. From which they pointed and laughed. Bastards.
Heh heh. That is all.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
6 weird things about yourself.
Another tag by that fella Farouk @ Areng @ Tze Bai. Kang aku tak buat, merajuk. Lepas tu buat firewall kat JB lepas tu aku takleh masuk JB bile aku balik sana. Lepas tu aku terpaksa hack pakai backdoor masuk decryption key lalu Mersing. Lepas tu ko hanto anti-virus untuk nak search and destroy aku. Pastu aku pon defend diri aku. Pastu perang kat Kota Tinggi. Lepas tu banjir lagi. Nyusahkan orang. Aku tak suka gadoh gadoh, ni Farok. But if I have to...
hehe.
So, on with the tag.
6 weird things about yourself.
My idiosyncrasies:
hehe.
So, on with the tag.
6 weird things about yourself.
My idiosyncrasies:
- My yellow penknife must be in my right back pants pocket. Why? I dunno. When I need to cut something, hey, its there. I think,nay, I KNOW the habit started when I worked at The Zon hotel. I used to get mighty pissed when I lacked the tool to cut. So there it was. Nowadays, I even carry it when I go out on the weekends.
- I hate it when I get my elbows wet while eating.
- I go to work wearing selipar jamban and leave my shoes at the office.
- I dont like to read the papers and I hate politics.
- I'm not into cars and/or football. But 2 of my favourite games on the PS2 are Pro Evolution Soccer and Need For Speed.
- My idea of good weekend is to hang out at home with a good book, the PS2, the net and DOTA. (I say this because I dont have a girlfriend.)
4 things you wont leave behind.
Damn that Farok... tagging me with this mindless time waster. Well, here goes.
4 things you wont leave behind.
You unlucky sod. ;)
4 things you wont leave behind.
- my mind
- my left hand
- my multi-tasking ability to be sarcastic and piss people off at the same time.
- my teeth.
You unlucky sod. ;)
Friday, April 06, 2007
The young and the Museless.
Part 2 of 2.
It was D-Day (whatever the hell that meant) and I've already gotten the tickets from mums. 'Muse, baby!' I exclaimed to her, who hadn't a clue who or what they were but knew its "one of those concerts young people go to... and balik cepat! Jangan ko nak jalan jalan buat menda tak senonoh tak tentu arah memalam buta tu karang!" (Translation: You get into any trouble, I will smack you into another nationality." Or something along those lines.)
My cuz picked me up at the LRT station and we headed out for the concert. The concert was at 8pm but we came earlier because we were afraid that there would be a shortage of parking and a summons from the fuzz for parking illegally on a sidewalk was something that would totally suck! So we did the right thing and parked at some parking spot that cost us about 6 bucks (the cads) which was about 5 minutes away from the concert. Okay, okay, so it wasnt that bad, the 6 bucks. We were just being cheap. Wait a minute, why the hell am I ranting about the ticket cost? I didn't have to pay jack shit. Muehehe.
So anyways,the street on the way to concert was crawling with people. Mostly teenagers and young adults. But I was a bit surprised seeing a few 35-somethings in the concert as well. Dont they have Elton John or Michael Bolton for this type of event or something?
As I walked up towards the gates, I could see a bunch of street peddlers selling (illegal. Okay, unofficial if you wanna get technical) Muse merchandise that they prolly printed on some cheap printer and laminated. Its amazing how laminate makes things seem more exclusive. They also sold t-shirts and, get this: Muse burgers! What the fuck?! Somehow, I imagined someone buying a burger...
'Gimme a burger.'
'A Muse burger?'
'Uh, what the hells a Muse burger?'
'Lettuce, tomatoes,onions, beef patty, special sauce. Inna sesame seed bun.'
'Uh, isn't that exactly what a plain beef burger's like?'
'Yeah, but it's not inna sesame seed bun.'
'Thats all?! Screw it. Gimme a plain beef burger.'
'Sorry. We dont have normal burgers.'
'How come?'
'We dont have non-sesame seed buns.'
'FINE! Gimme a Muse burger then!'
'Can't.'
'Why the fuck not?!'
'We only sell t-shirts here. Bodoh.'
Heh heh. Anyway, I snapped out of my stupid day dream and we went in. The first thing I did as I walked inside was to try and find a flippin' toilet. Which, lucky for me, was only a few feet away from our seating area. Not bad, the toilets. It was surprisingly clean. Even though the flusher didnt work. But hey, who needs flushers when you have a clean toilet, eh? Eh? I didn't want to spoil a good ironic statement so I didnt flush. Muse on that, Mr. Toilet Cleaner man. bwahaha!
We got our seats and had to wait a while until everyone filled in their seats. An hour and a half later, the lights went out, followed by the screaming of people and officially, the show began. It was fuckin' awesome. A few dudes and chicks took the chance, I saw, to sneak over to the more expensive part of the seating area before the RELA dudes knew what was going on. Damn fuckers stole my plan, only we were too chicken. Wait, I wasnt. My cuz was.
The show started with them opening with the song... uh, Ufhumkvl Whupshummesomething... and later continued with the song... Shamfhum boghosumfin. I dont have a clue what the name of the songs were, allright? Hell, I dont even know the names of the bandmembers, let alone the names of all the songs! Still, that didn't stop me from having a kickass time. We sang along to whatever shred of song lyric that we could remember while others were followed by humming and the occasional 'nyanyi ikot sukati abah aku'. But it was fun nonetheless. I mentioned to my cuz that one of the most common things that performers do when doing a show in another country is to say something in the native language. Because thats what you do when performing at a concert abroad. But it'd be funny though if you suddenly decide to be a Mr Smartypants and say something like Good Evening or whatever in some other language when performing in your home ground. 'SELAMAT PETANG!!' you would say, and people'd be like, 'Amende lu bebual ni mat. Tak paham doh.' Then people'd riot because they thought that the performer said something about their mum or something. Then things would be all nasty or whatever and somehow, it'll end with some country in the Middle East getting invaded.
But I digress.
True enough, the vocalist, uh, Billy Idol or whatever his name was, said 'Selamat Petang!' Which was partly funny because theres no way in hell 8.30pm was petang. Unless if you're in Alaska. Or Segamat. But anyway, I figured some malay speaking person was probably asked what 'Good Evening' was in BM and figured that prolly 'Selamat Malam' isnt really a good thing for Kanye West or whatever his name was, to say so he says 'Selamat Petang' which was actually correct. That is, until 7pm. After that, its 'Selamat Malam'. Right? Uh. Yeah.
Two hours later, it ended and we went home. But before going, we waited about 15 minutes to see Muse get escourted out. But they didnt appear so we got bored and left. Fuck that. Y'know what, the way I see it, YOU didnt get to see US! Yeah, thats right! So you can get in your expensive rented van with your gorilla bodyguards and RELA and police escourts and miss the chance to see us! Plug that in, baby! Hah!
Then we went for a kickass tandoori and roti nan supper. Because thats what you eat after a kickass concert.
The End. Bodoh.
It was D-Day (whatever the hell that meant) and I've already gotten the tickets from mums. 'Muse, baby!' I exclaimed to her, who hadn't a clue who or what they were but knew its "one of those concerts young people go to... and balik cepat! Jangan ko nak jalan jalan buat menda tak senonoh tak tentu arah memalam buta tu karang!" (Translation: You get into any trouble, I will smack you into another nationality." Or something along those lines.)
My cuz picked me up at the LRT station and we headed out for the concert. The concert was at 8pm but we came earlier because we were afraid that there would be a shortage of parking and a summons from the fuzz for parking illegally on a sidewalk was something that would totally suck! So we did the right thing and parked at some parking spot that cost us about 6 bucks (the cads) which was about 5 minutes away from the concert. Okay, okay, so it wasnt that bad, the 6 bucks. We were just being cheap. Wait a minute, why the hell am I ranting about the ticket cost? I didn't have to pay jack shit. Muehehe.
So anyways,the street on the way to concert was crawling with people. Mostly teenagers and young adults. But I was a bit surprised seeing a few 35-somethings in the concert as well. Dont they have Elton John or Michael Bolton for this type of event or something?
As I walked up towards the gates, I could see a bunch of street peddlers selling (illegal. Okay, unofficial if you wanna get technical) Muse merchandise that they prolly printed on some cheap printer and laminated. Its amazing how laminate makes things seem more exclusive. They also sold t-shirts and, get this: Muse burgers! What the fuck?! Somehow, I imagined someone buying a burger...
'Gimme a burger.'
'A Muse burger?'
'Uh, what the hells a Muse burger?'
'Lettuce, tomatoes,onions, beef patty, special sauce. Inna sesame seed bun.'
'Uh, isn't that exactly what a plain beef burger's like?'
'Yeah, but it's not inna sesame seed bun.'
'Thats all?! Screw it. Gimme a plain beef burger.'
'Sorry. We dont have normal burgers.'
'How come?'
'We dont have non-sesame seed buns.'
'FINE! Gimme a Muse burger then!'
'Can't.'
'Why the fuck not?!'
'We only sell t-shirts here. Bodoh.'
Heh heh. Anyway, I snapped out of my stupid day dream and we went in. The first thing I did as I walked inside was to try and find a flippin' toilet. Which, lucky for me, was only a few feet away from our seating area. Not bad, the toilets. It was surprisingly clean. Even though the flusher didnt work. But hey, who needs flushers when you have a clean toilet, eh? Eh? I didn't want to spoil a good ironic statement so I didnt flush. Muse on that, Mr. Toilet Cleaner man. bwahaha!
We got our seats and had to wait a while until everyone filled in their seats. An hour and a half later, the lights went out, followed by the screaming of people and officially, the show began. It was fuckin' awesome. A few dudes and chicks took the chance, I saw, to sneak over to the more expensive part of the seating area before the RELA dudes knew what was going on. Damn fuckers stole my plan, only we were too chicken. Wait, I wasnt. My cuz was.
The show started with them opening with the song... uh, Ufhumkvl Whupshummesomething... and later continued with the song... Shamfhum boghosumfin. I dont have a clue what the name of the songs were, allright? Hell, I dont even know the names of the bandmembers, let alone the names of all the songs! Still, that didn't stop me from having a kickass time. We sang along to whatever shred of song lyric that we could remember while others were followed by humming and the occasional 'nyanyi ikot sukati abah aku'. But it was fun nonetheless. I mentioned to my cuz that one of the most common things that performers do when doing a show in another country is to say something in the native language. Because thats what you do when performing at a concert abroad. But it'd be funny though if you suddenly decide to be a Mr Smartypants and say something like Good Evening or whatever in some other language when performing in your home ground. 'SELAMAT PETANG!!' you would say, and people'd be like, 'Amende lu bebual ni mat. Tak paham doh.' Then people'd riot because they thought that the performer said something about their mum or something. Then things would be all nasty or whatever and somehow, it'll end with some country in the Middle East getting invaded.But I digress.
True enough, the vocalist, uh, Billy Idol or whatever his name was, said 'Selamat Petang!' Which was partly funny because theres no way in hell 8.30pm was petang. Unless if you're in Alaska. Or Segamat. But anyway, I figured some malay speaking person was probably asked what 'Good Evening' was in BM and figured that prolly 'Selamat Malam' isnt really a good thing for Kanye West or whatever his name was, to say so he says 'Selamat Petang' which was actually correct. That is, until 7pm. After that, its 'Selamat Malam'. Right? Uh. Yeah.
Two hours later, it ended and we went home. But before going, we waited about 15 minutes to see Muse get escourted out. But they didnt appear so we got bored and left. Fuck that. Y'know what, the way I see it, YOU didnt get to see US! Yeah, thats right! So you can get in your expensive rented van with your gorilla bodyguards and RELA and police escourts and miss the chance to see us! Plug that in, baby! Hah!Then we went for a kickass tandoori and roti nan supper. Because thats what you eat after a kickass concert.
The End. Bodoh.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Naked pictures galore!!!!
I lie.
But seriously, here be some shit we did on our (supposed) free time. I'd apologize for the lack of accuracy in some of the pictures, but I dont really want to.
But seriously, here be some shit we did on our (supposed) free time. I'd apologize for the lack of accuracy in some of the pictures, but I dont really want to.
Friday, March 30, 2007
MEMO from the Chief Executive C.E.O
Big congratulations to Mr. Hashim for being promoted just recently to the post of Parental Unit Administrator (Direct Administrative Division). In line with the promotion, may the newly joined staff in your unit prosper and grow with the company and reflect the company goals and objectives.
Also, big congratulations to the Director of Employee Deployment/Parental Unit Administrator (Ministry Of Manpower), Mrs. Adda for doing an extraodinarily fine and safe job in the delivery and deployment of the staff. (I trust Mr. Hashim's assistance in the recruitment of the staff was adequate?)
May the guidance of both heads of department, Mr. Hashim and Mrs. Adda, steer the newly joined company employee in an examplary manner, mirroring the guidance and leadership of the more senior Heads of Department and Directors which, prior to the merger of the two company entities, have produced fine employees such as these two.
However, Mr. Hashim will remain an Administrative Supporting Superintendant in the company for the years to come.
Not forgetting to the newly joined staff, welcome to the company Mr. Mohd Dani bin Ahmad Hashim.
sincerely,
Chief Executive C.E.O,
Mr. Saddiq Yahya.
Also, big congratulations to the Director of Employee Deployment/Parental Unit Administrator (Ministry Of Manpower), Mrs. Adda for doing an extraodinarily fine and safe job in the delivery and deployment of the staff. (I trust Mr. Hashim's assistance in the recruitment of the staff was adequate?)
May the guidance of both heads of department, Mr. Hashim and Mrs. Adda, steer the newly joined company employee in an examplary manner, mirroring the guidance and leadership of the more senior Heads of Department and Directors which, prior to the merger of the two company entities, have produced fine employees such as these two.
However, Mr. Hashim will remain an Administrative Supporting Superintendant in the company for the years to come.
Not forgetting to the newly joined staff, welcome to the company Mr. Mohd Dani bin Ahmad Hashim.
sincerely,
Chief Executive C.E.O,
Mr. Saddiq Yahya.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Tido lagi kat opis...
Pale otak ah! Tido lagi kat opis. Cibet punye client nak artwork cepat cepat. Nasib baik ada geng tolong. Kalau tak, sampai pagi ni aaa keje tak siap. Tima Kasey!
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Whats in your bag, bitch. (I've been tagged.)
So I has been tagged by Ikin. Whats in my bag. (though its none of anyones business, but whatherape... ;))
I have a black quiksilver bag that i've had since... I dunno, 4-5 years. It has the following articles (when I use it.):
1) a black kilometrico pen.
2) a usb card reader. for the times when I... want to use a card reader. er.
3) a paperback book. (or other reading material. like a magazine. never newspapers.)
4) toothbrush, deodorant
5) sand.
6) lint.
7) a permanent smell of wet carpets.
8) a water bottle. with the occasional water inside. record: 5 days until i decided to throw the bottle.
9) bits of paper. currently: price lists of computer stuff.
10) clothes. a t shirts, 2-3 boxers, kain pelekat.
Thats about it. And now is the moment where I tag some hapless loser who'll no doubt divulge the contents of his or her bag whether they like it or not. I'll tag Areng the Xi Bai, Emmy the IT dude, Kerol the other IT dude, Dila the Singaporean and Chuck Norris. And Shannon Elizabeth. And Zaiton Sameon.
Okay, maybe not Zaiton Sameon.
I have a black quiksilver bag that i've had since... I dunno, 4-5 years. It has the following articles (when I use it.):
1) a black kilometrico pen.
2) a usb card reader. for the times when I... want to use a card reader. er.
3) a paperback book. (or other reading material. like a magazine. never newspapers.)
4) toothbrush, deodorant
5) sand.
6) lint.
7) a permanent smell of wet carpets.
8) a water bottle. with the occasional water inside. record: 5 days until i decided to throw the bottle.
9) bits of paper. currently: price lists of computer stuff.
10) clothes. a t shirts, 2-3 boxers, kain pelekat.
Thats about it. And now is the moment where I tag some hapless loser who'll no doubt divulge the contents of his or her bag whether they like it or not. I'll tag Areng the Xi Bai, Emmy the IT dude, Kerol the other IT dude, Dila the Singaporean and Chuck Norris. And Shannon Elizabeth. And Zaiton Sameon.
Okay, maybe not Zaiton Sameon.
The young and the Museless.
Part 1 of 2.
The Tickets
'I got the tickets,' my sister said over the phone as I was paying for the tickets to the train. I was on the back to, waitaminit... I was on the way to go Lao Yatt to check out some stuff. Anyway, that news was one of the best news that I've heard in my life!!! I was so psyched, I ran across the train tracks and bodyslammed the cleaning lady until she stopped laughing.
So there I was, with 3 tickets to the concerts of one the best bands from the UK ever since The Beatles, Oasis, Limp Bizkit and Madonna!
The first thing that came to mind was my 2 colleagues, Faisal the Retired Rempit and Nurul the Smoker. So I texted them the good news. '25th, 8pm! Muse! I got 3 tickets' I said. They actually knew about this, because I already told them that I'd prolly get the tix. Sadly, Faisal couldnt make it on account that he had an illegal race scheduled that night and with a prize of a 3 piece KFC set and a toy . 'Screw Muse! This is KFC, man!' he said.* Damn, Faisal couldnt make it. Nurul replied saying that she's totally on for it. So for the last ticket, I called up my cousin and he was totally, and I quote, "ON!!! LET US ROCK UNTIL OUR EARS TURN FLAT!" My cousin is crazy like that. Heh heh. Ears turn flat. Which freak has flat ears anyway? Not anyone that I know of. Flat ears. Tch. Some imagination he has.
And so, I boarded the train, thinking of what color socks should I wear to the concert. There were two not so hot chicks sitting in front of me, sharing a bag of Cheezels. As I was minding my own business whilst eavesdropping on their pointless conversation about some bastard car, my phone rang. It was my sister.
About my sister. She works for one of the satelite tv stations in Malaysia (macam ada banyak jek) and occasionally (and also, upon request ;), she somehow manages to get us tickets to some concert that occasionally land here. Sometimes sucky local ones like Akademi Fantasia and also the shitcrap onna stick ones, like Akademi Fantasia. And of course, the good ones like Muse, Incubus and NOT-FUCKIN'-AKADEMI-FANTASIA!
And most of the time, what we get is what we get and seating arrangements or whatever is totally out of her hands. Which sometimes suck but hey, if its free, I'd sit on the stadium lights with a pair of binoculars, 2 bottles of mineral water an a fly swatter, 'numsayin?
'Bad news,' she said. Uh-oh, I thought. Somehow, I sensed that she was about to give me bad news.
'Theres only 2 tickets left.' Damn!
'Aik? I thought there were 3 of em. What happened?! I want my money back!!'
'Banyak cantek. Bayar pon tak. Kang orang kasik yang lagi 2 dua ni pada orang lain kang. Nak?'
'Eh, tak tak. What happened to the other 1?'
'It's like this,' somehow I sensed that she was about explain to me how the other ticket got nicked. 'The other ticket got taken before the 3 got to me.' Aku dah agak dah. 'I was promised 3 but in the end, due to some miscommunication, I only got 2.'
'Anger...rising... '
' *announces to people around her* SAPA TADI NAK CONCERT MUSE NI TADI...?'
'Anger... lowering... '
' Very funny. So I'll leave the tickets with mama.'
I said goodbye and hung up. And started thinking of how the heck am I gonna break the news to these 2 people. 2 tickets. 3 people. Not good. So I'm left with 2 options.
First option: I'll have to kill one of these people so they wont be pissed with me and later kill ME. But then I figured, I cant kill my cousin because for one thing, he's horribly disfigured, and killing him will only end his misery on this earth and I dont kill people who actually want to be killed. Takes the fun out of things. And Nurul, well, I cant kill her. Because she's doing a fine job of that by herself. (Smoking kills! Katakan taknak! hehehhehhe.)
Damn. I guess I'll just have to tell one of 'em the whole story. Come to think of it, I'm not worried about any one of them killing me. (Reasons are as the above.) Option 2 it is then.
It was a hard decision so I weighed things out and figured that blood is thicker than water(plus he had a car and could pick me up) so I opted to go with my cuz. So so sorry Nurul.
I texted her what happened and apologized profusely to her. And she was cool with it. Later on, I noticed that jobs at the office somehow seemed to pile up curiously for me. Hmm. Cool with it my ass! (Just kidding. She's cool with it really. Saje je tambah cerita. heh heh.)
So thats settled. Woohoo! We're going to Muse, bebeh!
*just kidding. He couldnt make it because he had to settle some stuff and he has never ever participated in anything illegal. And even if he did, kamon la, he couldnt win a race even if it was a hundred metre race with retarded preschoolers.
The Tickets
'I got the tickets,' my sister said over the phone as I was paying for the tickets to the train. I was on the back to, waitaminit... I was on the way to go Lao Yatt to check out some stuff. Anyway, that news was one of the best news that I've heard in my life!!! I was so psyched, I ran across the train tracks and bodyslammed the cleaning lady until she stopped laughing.
So there I was, with 3 tickets to the concerts of one the best bands from the UK ever since The Beatles, Oasis, Limp Bizkit and Madonna!
The first thing that came to mind was my 2 colleagues, Faisal the Retired Rempit and Nurul the Smoker. So I texted them the good news. '25th, 8pm! Muse! I got 3 tickets' I said. They actually knew about this, because I already told them that I'd prolly get the tix. Sadly, Faisal couldnt make it on account that he had an illegal race scheduled that night and with a prize of a 3 piece KFC set and a toy . 'Screw Muse! This is KFC, man!' he said.* Damn, Faisal couldnt make it. Nurul replied saying that she's totally on for it. So for the last ticket, I called up my cousin and he was totally, and I quote, "ON!!! LET US ROCK UNTIL OUR EARS TURN FLAT!" My cousin is crazy like that. Heh heh. Ears turn flat. Which freak has flat ears anyway? Not anyone that I know of. Flat ears. Tch. Some imagination he has.
And so, I boarded the train, thinking of what color socks should I wear to the concert. There were two not so hot chicks sitting in front of me, sharing a bag of Cheezels. As I was minding my own business whilst eavesdropping on their pointless conversation about some bastard car, my phone rang. It was my sister.
About my sister. She works for one of the satelite tv stations in Malaysia (macam ada banyak jek) and occasionally (and also, upon request ;), she somehow manages to get us tickets to some concert that occasionally land here. Sometimes sucky local ones like Akademi Fantasia and also the shitcrap onna stick ones, like Akademi Fantasia. And of course, the good ones like Muse, Incubus and NOT-FUCKIN'-AKADEMI-FANTASIA!
And most of the time, what we get is what we get and seating arrangements or whatever is totally out of her hands. Which sometimes suck but hey, if its free, I'd sit on the stadium lights with a pair of binoculars, 2 bottles of mineral water an a fly swatter, 'numsayin?
'Bad news,' she said. Uh-oh, I thought. Somehow, I sensed that she was about to give me bad news.
'Theres only 2 tickets left.' Damn!
'Aik? I thought there were 3 of em. What happened?! I want my money back!!'
'Banyak cantek. Bayar pon tak. Kang orang kasik yang lagi 2 dua ni pada orang lain kang. Nak?'
'Eh, tak tak. What happened to the other 1?'
'It's like this,' somehow I sensed that she was about explain to me how the other ticket got nicked. 'The other ticket got taken before the 3 got to me.' Aku dah agak dah. 'I was promised 3 but in the end, due to some miscommunication, I only got 2.'
'Anger...rising... '
' *announces to people around her* SAPA TADI NAK CONCERT MUSE NI TADI...?'
'Anger... lowering... '
' Very funny. So I'll leave the tickets with mama.'
I said goodbye and hung up. And started thinking of how the heck am I gonna break the news to these 2 people. 2 tickets. 3 people. Not good. So I'm left with 2 options.
First option: I'll have to kill one of these people so they wont be pissed with me and later kill ME. But then I figured, I cant kill my cousin because for one thing, he's horribly disfigured, and killing him will only end his misery on this earth and I dont kill people who actually want to be killed. Takes the fun out of things. And Nurul, well, I cant kill her. Because she's doing a fine job of that by herself. (Smoking kills! Katakan taknak! hehehhehhe.)
Damn. I guess I'll just have to tell one of 'em the whole story. Come to think of it, I'm not worried about any one of them killing me. (Reasons are as the above.) Option 2 it is then.
It was a hard decision so I weighed things out and figured that blood is thicker than water(plus he had a car and could pick me up) so I opted to go with my cuz. So so sorry Nurul.
I texted her what happened and apologized profusely to her. And she was cool with it. Later on, I noticed that jobs at the office somehow seemed to pile up curiously for me. Hmm. Cool with it my ass! (Just kidding. She's cool with it really. Saje je tambah cerita. heh heh.)
So thats settled. Woohoo! We're going to Muse, bebeh!
*just kidding. He couldnt make it because he had to settle some stuff and he has never ever participated in anything illegal. And even if he did, kamon la, he couldnt win a race even if it was a hundred metre race with retarded preschoolers.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Ze PC, she is ded.
Okay, so I guess I'd better start while I still have this laptop turned on.
The Personal Computer.
Ah, computers. You just gotta love em, really. Who would've thought that sand could actually be made into something useful like computers, eh? (im talking about silicon, idiot.) Yeap, the computer. Practically everything nowadays is run by a computer. I'd make some long winded statement about how computers are so widely used in our daily lives and maybe bullcrap about the history of the PC and how Chuck Norris invented it etcetera, but it's just a waste of time, really. You know computers are everywhere. right? You know people use computers, right? You know you download porn right? So you know what I'm talking about. Perv. Yeah, you too, ma'am.
So, anyway, my pc is busted. Dead. Digital Death. Ctrl+Alt+Deceased. For more than 5 years I had that thing. Scrimped and saved and bought its parts one by one and assembelled it myself. And just last month (or was it 2 months back) I saw the death of it. (I say 'saw' because these two hands were the ones that killed it. Damn these manly muscular hands!) It all started when one of the twins went and stepped behind the cpu and she must've accidentally kicked or nudged one of the cables or something, i dunno.
A few days later, I was doing stuff on it when suddenly, without warning or even a simple 'Hello, I'm going to reboot on you now, sucka. Seacrest out', my pc rebooted! And I was like, 'Ack! What the fuck!' And I thought to myself, dont panic! Get a hold of yourself. It's just one of those things that happen to pc's. The ole random rebooting routine.Heh heh. Yeah, thats it. Relax, guy! Happens all the time lah. Haa, there, see? You're in Windows already. See, theres your desktop. I told you theres nothing to *BEEP!* worr-.... WHAT THE Fu-?!?! POKEMAK!
It rebooted.
And this time, it got worse. It didnt even wait till we were safely on the desktop of Xp when it cheekily rebooted again. And again. Haram jadah. The IT illiterate part of me panicked and called up the IT dude in the Servicing Dept. of my brain.
'Hello. Hello?!?!?!'
'NOMBOR YANG ANDA DAIL TIADA DALAM-'
'Dont la make voice. Ko ingat aku bodoh? Oi! The PC went dead on us!! FIX IT! Plug in the USB to the CPU or defrag the motherboard! Have you checked if the mouse is out of RAM?! Sometimes pc's crash when you've run out of hard drive space in the monitor. What color is the IDE cable and is it fixed correctly? What is an IDE cable?
'*With great restraint* I know theres something wrong with it. I'm doing my best to fix it! Fuck off!'
'Okay. Okay. Just helping. Maybe because Streamyx down? I heard theres some earthquake in Tai-'
'Diammah. *click*'
'Hello? Hello?'
The IT dude in me didnt have a clue whats happening so I freaked out! I freaked out so bad, I ran out of my room and out of the house and drop kicked the next door neighbours gardener in the face! Gardeners can be so funny when they're rolling on the ground.
But seriously, following that, I shut it down with brute force and started to fiddle about with the innards. Got a slight shock when I touched the metal part of the CPU casing. Twice! Ahah! There was a short. How it happened and where the short was located, I will never know. It was a mystery...
And so, I did what I had to do to fix it. Or at least tried. I asked around in my local newsgroup about what I should do. Suggestions and probable solutions poured in. I even asked Emmy and Kerol the IT dudes from JB (even though they dont even know anything about computers. the IT in their title actually stands for 'Information Tahtaktaucubatrytukopowersupply'. Bwahahaha! Just kidding! Or Am I...?) I took up their suggestions and managed to fix the short, or rather, somehow made the short go away. But then I discovered that the short messed up one of my 512mb stick of RAM. Bugger sungguh.
Fix the short or not, the constant rebooting problem came back with a vengeance. Over and over again. Like a mosquito near your ear that refuses to go away. Or something along those lines
So anyway, I dived in deeper and found out that my CPU fan (thats central processing unit. its like, the brains of the computer. Yes, its much smarter than you) was a bit on the crazy side and also, a fan on the mobo had stopped working. So I popped over to Lau Yat and bought me replacements.
Now this is when things get interesting. I got home, took out out the things that needed to be replaced and in the process, I accidentally chipped off about 0.5mm square worth of metal from the surface of the chip (the area in red.). Suffice to say, that meant certain death to the processor. Period. The phone rang.
'WOI!'
'I know.. I know. I fucked up!'
'Maybe you can fix it with superglue?'
'*sigh*'
'Or Tiger Balm maybe?'
So, to sum it all up all over again - my pc is dead. I am PCless, henceforth, I am unable to update as much as I'd like. I'd update from the office, but with the amount of work thats been pouring in, I simply have no time. Hoh. Of course, sometimes I'm just plain lazy.
Up next: Muse Concert, The Dentist and I. (backlogged posts.)
The Personal Computer.
Ah, computers. You just gotta love em, really. Who would've thought that sand could actually be made into something useful like computers, eh? (im talking about silicon, idiot.) Yeap, the computer. Practically everything nowadays is run by a computer. I'd make some long winded statement about how computers are so widely used in our daily lives and maybe bullcrap about the history of the PC and how Chuck Norris invented it etcetera, but it's just a waste of time, really. You know computers are everywhere. right? You know people use computers, right? You know you download porn right? So you know what I'm talking about. Perv. Yeah, you too, ma'am.
So, anyway, my pc is busted. Dead. Digital Death. Ctrl+Alt+Deceased. For more than 5 years I had that thing. Scrimped and saved and bought its parts one by one and assembelled it myself. And just last month (or was it 2 months back) I saw the death of it. (I say 'saw' because these two hands were the ones that killed it. Damn these manly muscular hands!) It all started when one of the twins went and stepped behind the cpu and she must've accidentally kicked or nudged one of the cables or something, i dunno.
A few days later, I was doing stuff on it when suddenly, without warning or even a simple 'Hello, I'm going to reboot on you now, sucka. Seacrest out', my pc rebooted! And I was like, 'Ack! What the fuck!' And I thought to myself, dont panic! Get a hold of yourself. It's just one of those things that happen to pc's. The ole random rebooting routine.Heh heh. Yeah, thats it. Relax, guy! Happens all the time lah. Haa, there, see? You're in Windows already. See, theres your desktop. I told you theres nothing to *BEEP!* worr-.... WHAT THE Fu-?!?! POKEMAK!
It rebooted.
And this time, it got worse. It didnt even wait till we were safely on the desktop of Xp when it cheekily rebooted again. And again. Haram jadah. The IT illiterate part of me panicked and called up the IT dude in the Servicing Dept. of my brain.
'Hello. Hello?!?!?!'
'NOMBOR YANG ANDA DAIL TIADA DALAM-'
'Dont la make voice. Ko ingat aku bodoh? Oi! The PC went dead on us!! FIX IT! Plug in the USB to the CPU or defrag the motherboard! Have you checked if the mouse is out of RAM?! Sometimes pc's crash when you've run out of hard drive space in the monitor. What color is the IDE cable and is it fixed correctly? What is an IDE cable?
'*With great restraint* I know theres something wrong with it. I'm doing my best to fix it! Fuck off!'
'Okay. Okay. Just helping. Maybe because Streamyx down? I heard theres some earthquake in Tai-'
'Diammah. *click*'
'Hello? Hello?'
The IT dude in me didnt have a clue whats happening so I freaked out! I freaked out so bad, I ran out of my room and out of the house and drop kicked the next door neighbours gardener in the face! Gardeners can be so funny when they're rolling on the ground.
But seriously, following that, I shut it down with brute force and started to fiddle about with the innards. Got a slight shock when I touched the metal part of the CPU casing. Twice! Ahah! There was a short. How it happened and where the short was located, I will never know. It was a mystery...
And so, I did what I had to do to fix it. Or at least tried. I asked around in my local newsgroup about what I should do. Suggestions and probable solutions poured in. I even asked Emmy and Kerol the IT dudes from JB (even though they dont even know anything about computers. the IT in their title actually stands for 'Information Tahtaktaucubatrytukopowersupply'. Bwahahaha! Just kidding! Or Am I...?) I took up their suggestions and managed to fix the short, or rather, somehow made the short go away. But then I discovered that the short messed up one of my 512mb stick of RAM. Bugger sungguh.
Fix the short or not, the constant rebooting problem came back with a vengeance. Over and over again. Like a mosquito near your ear that refuses to go away. Or something along those lines
So anyway, I dived in deeper and found out that my CPU fan (thats central processing unit. its like, the brains of the computer. Yes, its much smarter than you) was a bit on the crazy side and also, a fan on the mobo had stopped working. So I popped over to Lau Yat and bought me replacements.
Now this is when things get interesting. I got home, took out out the things that needed to be replaced and in the process, I accidentally chipped off about 0.5mm square worth of metal from the surface of the chip (the area in red.). Suffice to say, that meant certain death to the processor. Period. The phone rang.'WOI!'
'I know.. I know. I fucked up!'
'Maybe you can fix it with superglue?'
'*sigh*'
'Or Tiger Balm maybe?'
So, to sum it all up all over again - my pc is dead. I am PCless, henceforth, I am unable to update as much as I'd like. I'd update from the office, but with the amount of work thats been pouring in, I simply have no time. Hoh. Of course, sometimes I'm just plain lazy.
Up next: Muse Concert, The Dentist and I. (backlogged posts.)
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Argh.
Not yet. Not yet. Still busy at work. Work has net conn, but cant really concentrate. Many work. Many many work. Even my moto not yet service. Kang rosak kang, aku nak gi keje naik apa? Hitchike? Nak mampos? 5 tahun laa baru dapat tumpang orang. Naik teksi? Nak mampos? Ingat tambang RM2.50 satu trip? Kalau ada LRT area Hartamas ni okay jugak.
Theres the nieces laptop at home. Will will write some stuff on it later, maybe.
Seacrest out. Eh chehhh, Seacrest la polakkk.
Theres the nieces laptop at home. Will will write some stuff on it later, maybe.
Seacrest out. Eh chehhh, Seacrest la polakkk.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Ya Allah, banyaknye keje...
Cant update as much as I want to. For 2 reasons:
1) No time.
2) No pc.
I dont really want to update at the office as im busy heck. (this isnt an update. its a... note. or something.)
Theres a few things that I wanna crap about, mostly about the Muse concert, Dental appointments, the death of my PC and other real life things that I make up. Heh. Will try to update smoke. eh, silap. will try to update asap.*
*not that anyone reads this crap anyway. if they do... seriously? No other place to go, issit? siibai!
1) No time.
2) No pc.
I dont really want to update at the office as im busy heck. (this isnt an update. its a... note. or something.)
Theres a few things that I wanna crap about, mostly about the Muse concert, Dental appointments, the death of my PC and other real life things that I make up. Heh. Will try to update smoke. eh, silap. will try to update asap.*
*not that anyone reads this crap anyway. if they do... seriously? No other place to go, issit? siibai!
Thursday, February 22, 2007
The Passport story.
'Why don't you just make it at Shah Alam,' she said. 'It's quicker there.'
'Oh, okay then. No problemo,' I says.
Apparently, my sister was wrong. It WASNT quicker there. In fact, it was curiously slow. Not the 'I-Want-To-Gnaw-My-Left-Spleen-And-Hang-Myself-With-My-Nose-Hair' slow, but it was pretty close. Im talking about applying for a passport at the Shah Alam immigrations office.
Imagine having to wake up at the crack of dawn (7.30am) on a Wednesday, bathing in a shower that hadnt any cold water and having to wait in line 25kilometres* long for 2 hours, just to get a number, so you can wait another 2 hours to send in your forms, so you can wait another 3 hours, so you can finally, FINALLY get a little red book with 32 pages that costs RM300!!! Holy Fucking Shit On A Stick! I tell you, the last time I paid that much for a book, it had pictures of naked wom- furniture! And I tell you, those are some not bad looking furniture too!**
Anyway.
2 days it took me to make this damn passport. The first day sucked because after queueing for more than 2 hours to even GET a freakin' number, the guy in charge of Telling People The Bad News went and did his job. 'We're All out of Numbers', he said,with an expression that made you want slap him in the face so hard, his moustache'd move to his armpits. Damn that moustached man for doing his job.
'Hek eleh!!! Apa jadahnye habis plak ni. Aku tunggu punye lama pastu suka suka ngkau je nak cakap nombor abis,' I thought to myself. My internal dialogue's usually in Bahasa. Anyway, a rough translation would be 'Heyk Eyleyh! What the Jadah finish already??? I wait long time, suddenly your like like only want to say the number finish.'
Whatever.
And so, fornlornly did I plod back to the car. Man was I pissed. I was so pissed, I couldnt think straight when playing the totally awesome 'God of War' game on my spanking brand new second hand PS2. I was that pissed. (but I killed Aries in the end. After dying 25 times. I tell you, if I wasnt pissed, there'd be less dying for me. Maybe like, 23 deaths TOPS!)
The next day, I went back and arrived there at 8am, thinking that I beat all those other bastards to the door. Didnt happen. As the door to the lifts opened, I was met with several hundred people queueing already. Alamak ai.. sakitnye hati wa cakap sama lu.
And so as I said before; 2 hours I waited just to get a number, so I can wait another 2 hours to send in my forms, so I can wait another 3 hours, so I can finally, FINALLY get a little red book with 32 pages that costs RM300!
But in the end, all was well. I got the passport. Had to sit next to a lady that smelt sweetly of wet carpets for 2 hours, but I got the damn passport.
Germany'd better be worth it.
*not really. It's actually less than that. really.
** just kidding. They weren't pictures of naked furniture. It was pottery.
'Oh, okay then. No problemo,' I says.
Apparently, my sister was wrong. It WASNT quicker there. In fact, it was curiously slow. Not the 'I-Want-To-Gnaw-My-Left-Spleen-And-Hang-Myself-With-My-Nose-Hair' slow, but it was pretty close. Im talking about applying for a passport at the Shah Alam immigrations office.
Imagine having to wake up at the crack of dawn (7.30am) on a Wednesday, bathing in a shower that hadnt any cold water and having to wait in line 25kilometres* long for 2 hours, just to get a number, so you can wait another 2 hours to send in your forms, so you can wait another 3 hours, so you can finally, FINALLY get a little red book with 32 pages that costs RM300!!! Holy Fucking Shit On A Stick! I tell you, the last time I paid that much for a book, it had pictures of naked wom- furniture! And I tell you, those are some not bad looking furniture too!**
Anyway.
2 days it took me to make this damn passport. The first day sucked because after queueing for more than 2 hours to even GET a freakin' number, the guy in charge of Telling People The Bad News went and did his job. 'We're All out of Numbers', he said,with an expression that made you want slap him in the face so hard, his moustache'd move to his armpits. Damn that moustached man for doing his job.
'Hek eleh!!! Apa jadahnye habis plak ni. Aku tunggu punye lama pastu suka suka ngkau je nak cakap nombor abis,' I thought to myself. My internal dialogue's usually in Bahasa. Anyway, a rough translation would be 'Heyk Eyleyh! What the Jadah finish already??? I wait long time, suddenly your like like only want to say the number finish.'
Whatever.
And so, fornlornly did I plod back to the car. Man was I pissed. I was so pissed, I couldnt think straight when playing the totally awesome 'God of War' game on my spanking brand new second hand PS2. I was that pissed. (but I killed Aries in the end. After dying 25 times. I tell you, if I wasnt pissed, there'd be less dying for me. Maybe like, 23 deaths TOPS!)
The next day, I went back and arrived there at 8am, thinking that I beat all those other bastards to the door. Didnt happen. As the door to the lifts opened, I was met with several hundred people queueing already. Alamak ai.. sakitnye hati wa cakap sama lu.
And so as I said before; 2 hours I waited just to get a number, so I can wait another 2 hours to send in my forms, so I can wait another 3 hours, so I can finally, FINALLY get a little red book with 32 pages that costs RM300!
But in the end, all was well. I got the passport. Had to sit next to a lady that smelt sweetly of wet carpets for 2 hours, but I got the damn passport.
Germany'd better be worth it.
*not really. It's actually less than that. really.
** just kidding. They weren't pictures of naked furniture. It was pottery.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Part 2 of the previous post. I fergot the title. teehee.
Did I mention that Genting was cold? Man was it cold. How cold was it? I dont know. I dont go about carrying a thermometer about me. But if I was estimating a wild guess, I think it'd be between... 'Mak ai, gile babi sejuk' and 'You can hang a shirt on my nipples' cold. Granted, I didnt wear a jacket. But hey, when you look this cool, you dont need a jacket. Idiot. (Me, not you. But you can be one if you want to. I dont mind. Idiot.)
So I went for a walk. Didnt really go far. After 5 minutes of wandering around aimlessly in the hotel, I somehow upgraded myself to wandering around aimlessly in the carpark. How I got there, we will never know. It's a mystery. Like the bermuda triangle. And roti canai. Who knows whats in it.
One thing I particularly enjoy about walking around aimlessly is looking at the people around me. And I have come to the conclusion that people wear clothes. Yeap. Unlike animals, who go about their lives not wearing clothes (in public, even! For shame.) and occasionally sniff each others genitals. Which is particularly disgusting. Who knows where it's been?! Sometimes, these animals act like animals.
Oh, right. Where was I? Walking. Well, Genting hasn't that much in the way of sightseeing. Really. Especially at night. Where not only can you NOT see things much further than 10 metres in front of you, they've upgraded the non-visibility condition of things by adding clouds and fog to the picture. So if previously (at night), you could maybe make out the shape of a neighbouring hill yonder, nowadays, you can't. Amazing! (Im just kidding. Genting has a buttload of sightseeing attractions. I think. Waitaminit, screw that, people come here to gamble and go to the theme park and score with chicks. If I wanted to go sightseeing, I'd go on the internet.)
And so I wandered, managing to not get lost and also trying very hard to look as if I actually knew where I was going. Oh, about the looking at people bit, I didnt really see much things out of the ordinary save for a few things here and there. Oh, I saw Cliff Richard(the old hack) too! He's old(did i mention hack?). Yup, thats the one thing I could think of when I saw him.
Anyway, after a bit of a walk, I stumbled upon Coffee Bean. Y'know, that place where they sell overpriced coffees and teas and other things that can be overpriced. Hung out there for a bit and had me a cuppa overpriced Mocha latte. What is a Mocha Latte, you might ask. Simple: It's coffee with milk that you could probably make at home but somehow decide that forking out 8 bucks for it at some cafe so's you could sit down with your pals and look cool whilst drinking it- is the better choice. Thats what a Mocha Latte is. Got it? Good.
Luckily there were magazines so I didnt really look like some bored idiot sitting alone and looking at passerbys. Which in some cases is fun because sometimes you might see some hot chick in tight shorts or a low cut dress or whatever walking down the road. But not here because lets face it, this is Genting! Even the nastiest of dressers would be all covered up in these conditions. Damn!!!
So, I got me the magazines and, like I said,instead of looking like some bored idiot sitting alone and looking at passerbys, I looked like some bored idiot sitting alone and looking at passerbys WHILE READING A MAGAZINE! Eh? Eh? Smart way of changing your whole persona, eh?
Also, I got me 2 cakes for my mum. And a carrotcake for me. Carrotcakes rule! Who said vegetables arent tasty? Just dump 25 kilos of sugar on it and hey, it's dessert. Only tastier, more edible-like. If its a diet plan, in half a year, you could lose 15 kilos! Of course, when I say 15 kilos, I mean, your left leg. Whats that? Didnt consider diabetes in the equation? Tough luck, stumpy! But hey, look on the brightside: You've got great eyesight! Really. Ever seen a rabbit wear glasses? Didnt think so. (Dont say 'I saw it in a cartoon once.' Cause thats just silly.)
I took photos during my walkabout. But I don’t have time to snatch it out of the camera. Maybe tomorrow. Or whenever! Leave me alone!!!
The end?
So I went for a walk. Didnt really go far. After 5 minutes of wandering around aimlessly in the hotel, I somehow upgraded myself to wandering around aimlessly in the carpark. How I got there, we will never know. It's a mystery. Like the bermuda triangle. And roti canai. Who knows whats in it.
One thing I particularly enjoy about walking around aimlessly is looking at the people around me. And I have come to the conclusion that people wear clothes. Yeap. Unlike animals, who go about their lives not wearing clothes (in public, even! For shame.) and occasionally sniff each others genitals. Which is particularly disgusting. Who knows where it's been?! Sometimes, these animals act like animals.
Oh, right. Where was I? Walking. Well, Genting hasn't that much in the way of sightseeing. Really. Especially at night. Where not only can you NOT see things much further than 10 metres in front of you, they've upgraded the non-visibility condition of things by adding clouds and fog to the picture. So if previously (at night), you could maybe make out the shape of a neighbouring hill yonder, nowadays, you can't. Amazing! (Im just kidding. Genting has a buttload of sightseeing attractions. I think. Waitaminit, screw that, people come here to gamble and go to the theme park and score with chicks. If I wanted to go sightseeing, I'd go on the internet.)
And so I wandered, managing to not get lost and also trying very hard to look as if I actually knew where I was going. Oh, about the looking at people bit, I didnt really see much things out of the ordinary save for a few things here and there. Oh, I saw Cliff Richard(the old hack) too! He's old(did i mention hack?). Yup, thats the one thing I could think of when I saw him.
Anyway, after a bit of a walk, I stumbled upon Coffee Bean. Y'know, that place where they sell overpriced coffees and teas and other things that can be overpriced. Hung out there for a bit and had me a cuppa overpriced Mocha latte. What is a Mocha Latte, you might ask. Simple: It's coffee with milk that you could probably make at home but somehow decide that forking out 8 bucks for it at some cafe so's you could sit down with your pals and look cool whilst drinking it- is the better choice. Thats what a Mocha Latte is. Got it? Good.
Luckily there were magazines so I didnt really look like some bored idiot sitting alone and looking at passerbys. Which in some cases is fun because sometimes you might see some hot chick in tight shorts or a low cut dress or whatever walking down the road. But not here because lets face it, this is Genting! Even the nastiest of dressers would be all covered up in these conditions. Damn!!!
So, I got me the magazines and, like I said,instead of looking like some bored idiot sitting alone and looking at passerbys, I looked like some bored idiot sitting alone and looking at passerbys WHILE READING A MAGAZINE! Eh? Eh? Smart way of changing your whole persona, eh?
Also, I got me 2 cakes for my mum. And a carrotcake for me. Carrotcakes rule! Who said vegetables arent tasty? Just dump 25 kilos of sugar on it and hey, it's dessert. Only tastier, more edible-like. If its a diet plan, in half a year, you could lose 15 kilos! Of course, when I say 15 kilos, I mean, your left leg. Whats that? Didnt consider diabetes in the equation? Tough luck, stumpy! But hey, look on the brightside: You've got great eyesight! Really. Ever seen a rabbit wear glasses? Didnt think so. (Dont say 'I saw it in a cartoon once.' Cause thats just silly.)
I took photos during my walkabout. But I don’t have time to snatch it out of the camera. Maybe tomorrow. Or whenever! Leave me alone!!!
The end?
Genting, Cliff Richard and Techmology pt 1.
Well, its 10 o clock in the pm and im bloody freezing. Me and and the family decided that it'd be fun to get our butts frozen up over in Genting Highlands. Here I am in the hotel room wrapped under 25 layers of blankets in a room with a laptop. Which, incidentally, has been a bit of a bitch. Somehow, through the magic of technology, the makers of this fine computer decided that, to make things easier for the user, he has made a few adjustments to the keyboard.
'I will now make the keys UIO and P, JKL and M, each time they are pressed, they will register as different characters on the screen! And because of this accomplistment, people will bask in the genius that is I. And people'd be asking, 'What the fucking hell did you do that for? It serves no purposes whatsoever except making words all messed up.'
'Ahah!' the so called computer genius would say triumphantly.
And gets beaten up to death later with the laptop. True story. I read about it the internet. Hey, its from the internet so it must be true, innit? Like this current entry you're reading. It's ALL TRUE!
Anyhoo, its not my laptop really but my one of nieces. Imagine that- a 9 year old kid having flippin' laptop! When I was her age, I didnt even get a typewriter! Come to think of it, I didnt even get to use pen and paper! (I'm just exagerating this point. I did get to use it. In secret.)
If I wanted a laptop during that age, things'd prolly go like this:
'A laptop?' they said. 'What the hell would you need a laptop for?'
'Y'know. Stuff. So's I can.. well, you know. Stuff!'
'What kind of stuff?' Dont you just hate it when your mum or dad asks questions about things that they'll never ever buy you. Makes you feel like theres glint of hope that you'd actually get what you wanted, but 30 seconds later discover that they were just asking because occasinally, playing mind games with your 9 year old kid is fun. Can't wait to do that to my future kid.
'Well, for one thing, I can put it on my lap. Very handy having a full blown computer on your lap. Really. Thats why its called a Laptop. It comes from two words: Lapt and Op.' I wasnt a really smart kid growing up.
'Really?'
'Yeah, really.'
'No.'
'Why not?! Everyone my age's got a laptop!'
'You're not getting a laptop.'
'Why?!'
'It's not been invented yet.'
Told you I wasnt really a smart kid growing up.
But seriously, though, kids nowadays are really lucky. I've got a nephew in primary school that has a handphone. Technology nowadays is so abundant and cheap that people can afford to buy it for their kids.
To not be able to use!
I mean, come on! Whats a 12 year old going to do with a phone that they cant even afford to buy top-up credits for? 'Today, I've saved up 50 cents from my lunch money. And if I keep this up, I'll have enough cash to buy me an RM10 top up card in 5 years. Ohoo, this is going to be so cool!' And you know the kid'll finish up the first 50 bucks for of credit in 40 seconds.
And parents wont give you money for it all the time. No no no. His main task of actually having a phone is to charge it whenever its batteries go flat. Oh, and occasionally, answer a call or two. And thats about it.
'What about money for the credits?' kids would ask.
'Get a job! You're not a hippie, are you?'
'No... But I'm 12.'
And then they'd get started with the 'When I was your age...' story which somehow portrays them to look as if they've had to toil in crazy working conditions with no air conditioning and no access to the internet. Which was partly true. There WAS no airconditioning back then.
So yeah. Which is why nowadays you can see underaged workers in third world countries working. To buy prepaid top ups. Oh, yeah. This is all true. Really. It's in the internet, remember?
But I joke. I'm writing now because I'm kinda bored. I cant post this post after I finish it because I've no access to the net. Well, Genting. Cool place, really. Stayed in the hotel for the most part of the day today because I'm too lazy to go out. Why? Because its flippin' cold out! I spent the day just chillin' on the bed with this laptop and watching stuff I brought from home while my sis and her kids go out and have a ball in the theme park and my parents are having a ball watching some old hack croon.
The reason we came up here in the first place was because my parents got tickets to a Cliff Richard(the hack) concert. Who's Cliff Richard(he's the old hack), you ask. I dunno. Google it lah. Ask me for what. If Cliff Richard is some porn star, then boy, have my parents gone out to the wroooong concert! Really.
Well, I is lazy no mo. I think I'll go out for a walk. Goodbye.
'I will now make the keys UIO and P, JKL and M, each time they are pressed, they will register as different characters on the screen! And because of this accomplistment, people will bask in the genius that is I. And people'd be asking, 'What the fucking hell did you do that for? It serves no purposes whatsoever except making words all messed up.'
'Ahah!' the so called computer genius would say triumphantly.
And gets beaten up to death later with the laptop. True story. I read about it the internet. Hey, its from the internet so it must be true, innit? Like this current entry you're reading. It's ALL TRUE!
Anyhoo, its not my laptop really but my one of nieces. Imagine that- a 9 year old kid having flippin' laptop! When I was her age, I didnt even get a typewriter! Come to think of it, I didnt even get to use pen and paper! (I'm just exagerating this point. I did get to use it. In secret.)
If I wanted a laptop during that age, things'd prolly go like this:
'A laptop?' they said. 'What the hell would you need a laptop for?'
'Y'know. Stuff. So's I can.. well, you know. Stuff!'
'What kind of stuff?' Dont you just hate it when your mum or dad asks questions about things that they'll never ever buy you. Makes you feel like theres glint of hope that you'd actually get what you wanted, but 30 seconds later discover that they were just asking because occasinally, playing mind games with your 9 year old kid is fun. Can't wait to do that to my future kid.
'Well, for one thing, I can put it on my lap. Very handy having a full blown computer on your lap. Really. Thats why its called a Laptop. It comes from two words: Lapt and Op.' I wasnt a really smart kid growing up.
'Really?'
'Yeah, really.'
'No.'
'Why not?! Everyone my age's got a laptop!'
'You're not getting a laptop.'
'Why?!'
'It's not been invented yet.'
Told you I wasnt really a smart kid growing up.
But seriously, though, kids nowadays are really lucky. I've got a nephew in primary school that has a handphone. Technology nowadays is so abundant and cheap that people can afford to buy it for their kids.
To not be able to use!
I mean, come on! Whats a 12 year old going to do with a phone that they cant even afford to buy top-up credits for? 'Today, I've saved up 50 cents from my lunch money. And if I keep this up, I'll have enough cash to buy me an RM10 top up card in 5 years. Ohoo, this is going to be so cool!' And you know the kid'll finish up the first 50 bucks for of credit in 40 seconds.
And parents wont give you money for it all the time. No no no. His main task of actually having a phone is to charge it whenever its batteries go flat. Oh, and occasionally, answer a call or two. And thats about it.
'What about money for the credits?' kids would ask.
'Get a job! You're not a hippie, are you?'
'No... But I'm 12.'
And then they'd get started with the 'When I was your age...' story which somehow portrays them to look as if they've had to toil in crazy working conditions with no air conditioning and no access to the internet. Which was partly true. There WAS no airconditioning back then.
So yeah. Which is why nowadays you can see underaged workers in third world countries working. To buy prepaid top ups. Oh, yeah. This is all true. Really. It's in the internet, remember?
But I joke. I'm writing now because I'm kinda bored. I cant post this post after I finish it because I've no access to the net. Well, Genting. Cool place, really. Stayed in the hotel for the most part of the day today because I'm too lazy to go out. Why? Because its flippin' cold out! I spent the day just chillin' on the bed with this laptop and watching stuff I brought from home while my sis and her kids go out and have a ball in the theme park and my parents are having a ball watching some old hack croon.
The reason we came up here in the first place was because my parents got tickets to a Cliff Richard(the hack) concert. Who's Cliff Richard(he's the old hack), you ask. I dunno. Google it lah. Ask me for what. If Cliff Richard is some porn star, then boy, have my parents gone out to the wroooong concert! Really.
Well, I is lazy no mo. I think I'll go out for a walk. Goodbye.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
JB oh JB.
This was a post that I didnt post previously. Im too lazy to finish it. So there. -qiddas-
What a week. Just recently, I went back to JB to send my parents back home. It's good to be back to the ol' house. I dont really feel homesick (when I'm in KL), but I dunno, coming back to the place where you spent most your days is nice. Of course, my old room has been reconfigured by my brother and whatever past rights I had to that room has now been flushed down the toilet. But not bad a job too. I wonder why I didn't think of it in the first place. And also, from the day I left for KL, my bedding rights has now been rudely transferred to the sofa in front of the TV. Which is like me being a slumbering cafe for the mossies.
Didnt really do much in JB really 'cept I hung out with Kerol the IT dude and also Rashid and my ex-boss from my ex-office. It was cool.
What a week. Just recently, I went back to JB to send my parents back home. It's good to be back to the ol' house. I dont really feel homesick (when I'm in KL), but I dunno, coming back to the place where you spent most your days is nice. Of course, my old room has been reconfigured by my brother and whatever past rights I had to that room has now been flushed down the toilet. But not bad a job too. I wonder why I didn't think of it in the first place. And also, from the day I left for KL, my bedding rights has now been rudely transferred to the sofa in front of the TV. Which is like me being a slumbering cafe for the mossies.
Didnt really do much in JB really 'cept I hung out with Kerol the IT dude and also Rashid and my ex-boss from my ex-office. It was cool.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Qiddas Thinks #2
If I could choose a car, any car in the world, I'd pick an ambulance as my ride. Then, if I was in a traffic jam, I could just switch on the siren and people'd make way for me. Then stick my head out and say, "So long, suckers!!!" Then they'd get mad for about a minute, but later they'd probably start to think, "I wanna get me one of those." Because of me, I'd have made ambulance salesmen around the world happy. I call this the Ambulance Effect.
Qiddas Thinks #1
Once, I saw a squirrel on the ground. Which was weird because squirrels are supposed to be climbing about on trees and darting here and there. Squirrels would make excellent ninjas. But instead of throwing ninja stars, they'd prolly throw nuts. Razor Sharp Nuts of Death. Honestly, I wouldnt want to mess with a ninja squirrel. Unless I want an Acorn of Agony in the centre of my forehead.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
The Weekend of Champions and Not So Champions.
So, yeah, the weekend was absolutely awesome. First was the 'potong jambul' of a cousins newborn son. Um, well, this by itself isnt exactly what I would personally call a kickass event per se, but the food, ah, the food... goat!!! Sweet, succulent, juicy goat!!! Mary had a little goat... but I ate the little bastard! Him and his little brother too. Heh heh. Well done, Zul. You've managed to raise my blood cholesterol level to its default unhealthy state. Well done.
To quote a local Malay saying, "You wouldnt even see your mother in-law walking behind you," due to the awesomeness of the lamb, hell, not only would I NOT notice the bitc-.. the person.. I prolly wont even see Shannon Elizabeth walking behind me! Naked! With no clothes on! (I lie.)
Second thing that was done on The Weekend That Kicked-Ass was the organized Gokart event that we had amongst cousins. It was only 20 minutes but it kicked ass so hard, it left marks that read 'Awesome!' on the cheeks of the preverbial ass that was, uh, kicked.
Eheh. Anyway, it was an event amongst cousins and in a way, its a good thing as well. What am I saying, it WAS a good thing. Old bonds are renewed and, for me personally, I got to get to know the names of the cousins that I didnt even know in the first place! I didnt even know they had names to begin with! Amazing! Well, shows what I know, eh? eh? They prolly didnt know my name too until the potong jambul thingy so I guess we're even. The cads. How can like that dont know my name, meh?
The go kart thingy was 20 minutes all in all. the first 10 minutes was the warm up, followed by a short break and later, the actual race. Ten minutes worth. I started off fine as I was the leader of the pack. I was neck to neck with Abg Faisal, with us taking over each other for the lead until, at a hairpin curve, I did a potentially dangerous manouvre that resulted in me spinning about 90 degrees to the right and stalling my kart. Which sucked monkey balls!!! Padan muke aku. Sapa suruh main keji.
Anyway, one by one the other racers passed me by, mockingly mocking me with their, mocking faces. Damn mockers! Fatin, being the mocker that he is, beeped his car 'horn' mockingly in my direction. There are no horns on go karts, you.. you.. you mocker, you!!! Bugger!
After a bit of a coaxing on the damn gas pedals, slowly, my go kart came to life (it didnt really die, it just took a while for it to actually move) and I eventually picked up speed... and managed to overtake 6 of the racers. W00t!!! Marilah menjamah asap ku. Eh, meh la tambah lagi, Hashim. Segan segan pulak.
In the end, nobody really knew who won, and you know what? I'm pretty sure no one cared. All in all, we had fun.
Except for my my sister, K Su who had to send (my) keys to my other sister K Oyeen in Ampang who'd accidentally locked herself out of her house. And to add to that story, K Su locked HERSELF out of HER CAR because the car had an autolock which locked itself after a minute or two, and that she had left the keys in the car. Which resulted in K Oyeens car not being able to go out because her car was blocked by K Su's car (the irony), which resulted in the both of them having to actually take a cab to go and fetch the twins from the club where they had they swimming lessons. Heh heh. In the end, they had to wait for us, (me, Abg Man and Hash) to come over and bring the spare key. Which we did.
The End.
To quote a local Malay saying, "You wouldnt even see your mother in-law walking behind you," due to the awesomeness of the lamb, hell, not only would I NOT notice the bitc-.. the person.. I prolly wont even see Shannon Elizabeth walking behind me! Naked! With no clothes on! (I lie.)
Second thing that was done on The Weekend That Kicked-Ass was the organized Gokart event that we had amongst cousins. It was only 20 minutes but it kicked ass so hard, it left marks that read 'Awesome!' on the cheeks of the preverbial ass that was, uh, kicked.
Eheh. Anyway, it was an event amongst cousins and in a way, its a good thing as well. What am I saying, it WAS a good thing. Old bonds are renewed and, for me personally, I got to get to know the names of the cousins that I didnt even know in the first place! I didnt even know they had names to begin with! Amazing! Well, shows what I know, eh? eh? They prolly didnt know my name too until the potong jambul thingy so I guess we're even. The cads. How can like that dont know my name, meh?
The go kart thingy was 20 minutes all in all. the first 10 minutes was the warm up, followed by a short break and later, the actual race. Ten minutes worth. I started off fine as I was the leader of the pack. I was neck to neck with Abg Faisal, with us taking over each other for the lead until, at a hairpin curve, I did a potentially dangerous manouvre that resulted in me spinning about 90 degrees to the right and stalling my kart. Which sucked monkey balls!!! Padan muke aku. Sapa suruh main keji.
Anyway, one by one the other racers passed me by, mockingly mocking me with their, mocking faces. Damn mockers! Fatin, being the mocker that he is, beeped his car 'horn' mockingly in my direction. There are no horns on go karts, you.. you.. you mocker, you!!! Bugger!
After a bit of a coaxing on the damn gas pedals, slowly, my go kart came to life (it didnt really die, it just took a while for it to actually move) and I eventually picked up speed... and managed to overtake 6 of the racers. W00t!!! Marilah menjamah asap ku. Eh, meh la tambah lagi, Hashim. Segan segan pulak.
In the end, nobody really knew who won, and you know what? I'm pretty sure no one cared. All in all, we had fun.
Except for my my sister, K Su who had to send (my) keys to my other sister K Oyeen in Ampang who'd accidentally locked herself out of her house. And to add to that story, K Su locked HERSELF out of HER CAR because the car had an autolock which locked itself after a minute or two, and that she had left the keys in the car. Which resulted in K Oyeens car not being able to go out because her car was blocked by K Su's car (the irony), which resulted in the both of them having to actually take a cab to go and fetch the twins from the club where they had they swimming lessons. Heh heh. In the end, they had to wait for us, (me, Abg Man and Hash) to come over and bring the spare key. Which we did.
The End.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Wait wait!
So its 8 o clock and I've got nothing to do. And when I've nothing to do, I watch me something I've downloaded off the net. In this case it was Supernatural. Anyhoot, the series is fine I guess. My sister's been following it like mad. It's like, every single week she'd ask me, "Have you downloaded the latest Superna-" I'LL DOWNLOAD IT WHEN IM GOOD AND READY, WOMAN!!! NOW STOP BUGGING ME!!! Of course, I only dare to say that if I have a deathwish and also, if I decide that it'd be fun to be homeless in KL for a bit. heh.
But you get my point. You dont? Oh.. um, what I was trying to dramatize there is that I kinda get pissed because my sister, who's a fan of the not so scary Supernatural series tends to bug me regarding the downloadification of it. It aint out yet, summore want to ask if the thing out oredi or not. What the fish! Kang orang tak download kang haa, padan muke. Eh, tak tak. Heh heh. Acah jek.
But I digress.
Anyways, Supernatural. Right. I was watching it and towards the end when hero is about to get shot and the villain was like, "Im gonna kill you! Yes, I am. I will kill you until you die from it. You will be dead. You will be dead because I have made you not live. Yes, that is correct. You will die because you see, its like this, you see this gun? This gun, inside it got one bullet. This bullet, when I shoot you, it will go through you. And then, because it goes through you, you will die. You will die so fast that you'd be like, "Holy crap! I think I'm dead. Because I cant feel my face. Oh, thats right. My face is gone!" And so on and so forth.
Now, in that narrative above, do you see whats wrong with the whole thing? Thats right. Villains tend to talk too much! Not just in this episode SN, but in most movies, episodes, comedies, porn, and cartoons. And you know what else stops a villain from killing his victim. His victim. Yeap. I kid you not. How? Easy, generally, they usually survive just by saying 'Wait. Wait.'
No lie, it works. You should try it. Go out and get kidnapped or something, and when dude's about to shoot/stab/tickle you, just say, 'Wait! Wait!'. Trust me. Just like the time machine I bought of the internet from some guy in Segamat. It just works.
My point is, when villains get their ass kicked, mostly its their own damn fault.
Ok ok. To be more precise on what happened in that episode of supernatural I was watching, (just to clear things up, the baddie in this one was a human. and not a ghostie.) the dude was about to kill the hero. After some villain yakkity yak and he's about to pull the trigger, suddenly the hero says those magic life saving words, 'Wait, Wait!'.
Which in the end buys him enough time for his saviors to drive 500,000 miles to wherever he was in a matter of minutes, nay, SECONDS to come and save his lucky ass. So villains, my advice to you is, do what NIKE sez: Just do it. Because if you dont, you'd be dead faster than you say, 'Wait Wait'.
But you get my point. You dont? Oh.. um, what I was trying to dramatize there is that I kinda get pissed because my sister, who's a fan of the not so scary Supernatural series tends to bug me regarding the downloadification of it. It aint out yet, summore want to ask if the thing out oredi or not. What the fish! Kang orang tak download kang haa, padan muke. Eh, tak tak. Heh heh. Acah jek.
But I digress.
Anyways, Supernatural. Right. I was watching it and towards the end when hero is about to get shot and the villain was like, "Im gonna kill you! Yes, I am. I will kill you until you die from it. You will be dead. You will be dead because I have made you not live. Yes, that is correct. You will die because you see, its like this, you see this gun? This gun, inside it got one bullet. This bullet, when I shoot you, it will go through you. And then, because it goes through you, you will die. You will die so fast that you'd be like, "Holy crap! I think I'm dead. Because I cant feel my face. Oh, thats right. My face is gone!" And so on and so forth.
Now, in that narrative above, do you see whats wrong with the whole thing? Thats right. Villains tend to talk too much! Not just in this episode SN, but in most movies, episodes, comedies, porn, and cartoons. And you know what else stops a villain from killing his victim. His victim. Yeap. I kid you not. How? Easy, generally, they usually survive just by saying 'Wait. Wait.'
No lie, it works. You should try it. Go out and get kidnapped or something, and when dude's about to shoot/stab/tickle you, just say, 'Wait! Wait!'. Trust me. Just like the time machine I bought of the internet from some guy in Segamat. It just works.
My point is, when villains get their ass kicked, mostly its their own damn fault.
Ok ok. To be more precise on what happened in that episode of supernatural I was watching, (just to clear things up, the baddie in this one was a human. and not a ghostie.) the dude was about to kill the hero. After some villain yakkity yak and he's about to pull the trigger, suddenly the hero says those magic life saving words, 'Wait, Wait!'.
Which in the end buys him enough time for his saviors to drive 500,000 miles to wherever he was in a matter of minutes, nay, SECONDS to come and save his lucky ass. So villains, my advice to you is, do what NIKE sez: Just do it. Because if you dont, you'd be dead faster than you say, 'Wait Wait'.
Yes! Yes!
Finally!!! After more than a month, I managed to squeeze out of the office at 6pm!!!! Haha!!!
Me - 1, Office - 0.
Okay, now that just a sad thing to be ecstatic about. Ah, screw it. 6pm siak!!!! I can see the road!!!! Whee!!!
Me - 1, Office - 0.
Okay, now that just a sad thing to be ecstatic about. Ah, screw it. 6pm siak!!!! I can see the road!!!! Whee!!!
Hmm... repeating numbers..
I've been seeing a lot of repeating numbers. Usually on a digital clock. On my desktop, on my wrist, on the dashboard, you name it! Theres a chance that I'd prolly see a 2:22 or a 5:55 or 3:33 on it.
What do I make of it? Nothing really. But it is weird. And the other weird thing is, most of the time I see it, I'm not really interested in knowing what the time is! It's like, a sudden glance at the clock kinda thing.
Hmm. Last set to be seen: 2:22.
What do I make of it? Nothing really. But it is weird. And the other weird thing is, most of the time I see it, I'm not really interested in knowing what the time is! It's like, a sudden glance at the clock kinda thing.
Hmm. Last set to be seen: 2:22.
Monday, January 22, 2007
The first few days since my move to KL...
About a day or two after my move to Mud Bank City, I wrote a few things about my, uh, move to Mud Bank City. I saved it and fergot all about the damn thing. I didnt post it coz my pc wasnt online yet then and I was too lazy to transfer it to my thumb drive so's I could use her PC to connect to the net and post it. Hell, just writing about how lazy I was about not posting it got me tired. Anyhoot, here it is. Or was.
my first day in kl.
Okay, what to write. what to write. here i am, sitting on the floor in my room, together with my pc that i brought from JB. (yeah, i brought my home pc. because it kicks ass.) and here i am contemplating what to write and where to begin. hmm.
Fuck this. I arrived here 2 days ago. Unloaded all my stuff from the car to my sisters house. 15 minutes later, I took a dump. One of the longest and most bestest dump in the whole wide world, nay, in the history of MANKIND!.
Its as if the dump that took place was welcoming me to my new place with cheery splashes of congrats and whatnot. Thank you Mr Dump. I appreciate it very much. Also, thank you for not being liquid. Because liquid dumps such a pain in the ass because it burns the butthole. I tell you, not even royalty dump could compare to the dump that I took on the day of my arrival to KL. Its a very memorable experience. Just thinking about it brings a tear to my eye.
Anyway, a friend of mine helped with the unloading of my stuff and heres a shoutout of thanks to Mr Yoi for all the help. Thanks. And thanks for the directions to Hartamas.
Of course I had to try and see the road by myself. So later that night, I went back to retrace the directions that he showed me. Going to that place was no problemo, but going back, that was a bitch.
I guess mostly it was my fault. I decided that I'd be a bit of an explorer and maybe explore the other side of the highway. Big mistake. I somehow ended up somewhere in Taman Tun Doktor Ismail from Hartamas. I stopped a bit to ask directions from a cuz on the phone(which was wrong in some parts. "go straight after the second traffic light" my ass! it was a dead end you jork! yes, i combined jerk with dork. )
But I found the highway that led to the heart of KL. and 15 minutes later, I was home, having a cup-o-tea while watching hot japanese chicks mud wrestle naked. Right?
WRONG, bitches!
About 10 minutes after entering the highway, I got fuckin' lost AGAIN!!!! Not to mention the fact that I even entered a lane that I had no intention at all to enter. Not that I knew where the other lane went to anyway. But still, I felt that I was pretty much fucked at the time. Where the flying fuck was I? Jalan Ipoh?! Jalan Kuching?! What the fuck! If you're going on to some road that had a name of another state, you know you're screwed! Especially if you're riding on a car that has only two wheels. And no roof. With the safety features of a toilet. Along the way, I had a conversation with myself:
Me:"Dude, I think we're lost."
Me too: "Yeah, pretty much."
Me:"Ooo, take that lane!"
Me too: "Tanak ah. It's got a branch lying in the middle of the road."
Me: "Oh."
Me too: "Okay, lets try this lane. That sweet looking Mercedes just entered it."
Me : "Thats a bus lah, dumbass. Where in Bob Sagett are we now, man? Sesat gile babi ni!"
Me too: "Lessee... we are at... you see that tree over there?"
Me: "Uh, yeah."
Me too: "Well, we're about 10 feet from it. And counting!"
Me: "Bodo. Eh, wait a minute... which one of us is driving?!"
Me too: "Ntah. I...thought.. you were..."
Shanon Elizabeth: "Hi boys. Im going to get naked now."
Me and Me too: "Pergh... Shanon Elizabeth siak..."
Hmm... I blame me getting lost on Shanon Elizabeth. But thats ok.
So, to make a long story short, I just picked some lanes and hoped for the best and in the end, somehow, I ended up where I started: Hartamas! So i backtracked and used the road that that Yoi thought me before and got home safe and sound.
Well, tomorrows the first day. Better get my sleep on. Later.
------------------------------------------------------
And thats that. Sekian, terima kasih. Well, time to get my sleep on. G'bye.
my first day in kl.
Okay, what to write. what to write. here i am, sitting on the floor in my room, together with my pc that i brought from JB. (yeah, i brought my home pc. because it kicks ass.) and here i am contemplating what to write and where to begin. hmm.
Fuck this. I arrived here 2 days ago. Unloaded all my stuff from the car to my sisters house. 15 minutes later, I took a dump. One of the longest and most bestest dump in the whole wide world, nay, in the history of MANKIND!.
Its as if the dump that took place was welcoming me to my new place with cheery splashes of congrats and whatnot. Thank you Mr Dump. I appreciate it very much. Also, thank you for not being liquid. Because liquid dumps such a pain in the ass because it burns the butthole. I tell you, not even royalty dump could compare to the dump that I took on the day of my arrival to KL. Its a very memorable experience. Just thinking about it brings a tear to my eye.
Anyway, a friend of mine helped with the unloading of my stuff and heres a shoutout of thanks to Mr Yoi for all the help. Thanks. And thanks for the directions to Hartamas.
Of course I had to try and see the road by myself. So later that night, I went back to retrace the directions that he showed me. Going to that place was no problemo, but going back, that was a bitch.
I guess mostly it was my fault. I decided that I'd be a bit of an explorer and maybe explore the other side of the highway. Big mistake. I somehow ended up somewhere in Taman Tun Doktor Ismail from Hartamas. I stopped a bit to ask directions from a cuz on the phone(which was wrong in some parts. "go straight after the second traffic light" my ass! it was a dead end you jork! yes, i combined jerk with dork. )
But I found the highway that led to the heart of KL. and 15 minutes later, I was home, having a cup-o-tea while watching hot japanese chicks mud wrestle naked. Right?
WRONG, bitches!
About 10 minutes after entering the highway, I got fuckin' lost AGAIN!!!! Not to mention the fact that I even entered a lane that I had no intention at all to enter. Not that I knew where the other lane went to anyway. But still, I felt that I was pretty much fucked at the time. Where the flying fuck was I? Jalan Ipoh?! Jalan Kuching?! What the fuck! If you're going on to some road that had a name of another state, you know you're screwed! Especially if you're riding on a car that has only two wheels. And no roof. With the safety features of a toilet. Along the way, I had a conversation with myself:
Me:"Dude, I think we're lost."
Me too: "Yeah, pretty much."
Me:"Ooo, take that lane!"
Me too: "Tanak ah. It's got a branch lying in the middle of the road."
Me: "Oh."
Me too: "Okay, lets try this lane. That sweet looking Mercedes just entered it."
Me : "Thats a bus lah, dumbass. Where in Bob Sagett are we now, man? Sesat gile babi ni!"
Me too: "Lessee... we are at... you see that tree over there?"
Me: "Uh, yeah."
Me too: "Well, we're about 10 feet from it. And counting!"
Me: "Bodo. Eh, wait a minute... which one of us is driving?!"
Me too: "Ntah. I...thought.. you were..."
Shanon Elizabeth: "Hi boys. Im going to get naked now."
Me and Me too: "Pergh... Shanon Elizabeth siak..."
Hmm... I blame me getting lost on Shanon Elizabeth. But thats ok.
So, to make a long story short, I just picked some lanes and hoped for the best and in the end, somehow, I ended up where I started: Hartamas! So i backtracked and used the road that that Yoi thought me before and got home safe and sound.
Well, tomorrows the first day. Better get my sleep on. Later.
------------------------------------------------------
And thats that. Sekian, terima kasih. Well, time to get my sleep on. G'bye.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
hello!
... and the best thing about having a pc situated right in front of your toilet is... you get to watch crap while you dump, uh, crap. heh heh. yeah.
im back.
im back.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
im still alive
still alive! in kl now. work rules! jam sucks!!! workplace frens are totally cool! kedai mamak sebelah opis punye tosai punye kuah best gile!!
apa lagi ek...
tu je la kot. sekian, tima kasih.
apa lagi ek...
tu je la kot. sekian, tima kasih.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
A flat?! WTF!!!
Great. Just fuckin' great. I woke up this morning late. And to top it all off, my bike had a stupid flat. Thats right. Flat. Like Michael Jacksons career. (There I go again dissing MJ. heh.)
Saturday, November 04, 2006
The wrestling moves in life.
Man, I just got an earful from my mom half an hour ago. And what bugs me the most is the fact that whatever that she's been keeping bottled up inside and unleashing her wrath regarding something I did a few weeks ago, well, she's right to do so. There were 2 things that I that, at the time, I did without even thinking.
One of them was done out pure stupidity, and the other, well, lets just say was done out pure stupidity as well, but with a pinch of idiocy added to the mix. And half an hour ago, she nagged me in a way that made me feel 3 inches tall.
Stupid, stupid, INSENSITVE me.
It's amazing how life jumps out behind the door and slams you in the face with the chair of reality, y'know? One day you're thinking, hey, screw other people. I dont need you to survive. Screw what they feel or think of me. I dont need them.
But in reality, you do realize that you need people. You need them to survive. You need to know what they feel or think of you. Why? Because thats what basically grounds you and makes you human. It teaches you a lesson that you wont soon forget and maybe, that lesson'll make you a better person.
Be especially critical to what people closest to you think of you. Especially your parents. Dont ever think you're better than them. Ever. Because you never will be. Try beating suffering the hardships of labour, or working 9 to 5 and maybe doing a bit of overtime so you and your siblings could go out for some KFC. Or giving your kids a life that you never had. And ensuring their future is better than yours ever was. Something to think about isnt it?
And your siblings. Be good to them no matter what. Because at the end of the day, no matter how many gazillion friends your have, no matter how many 'friends' you have in your myspace or friendster list, family will stick with your no matter what. There's no 'Delete family member from list' button here, pal.
I know, I know. Some people might say, 'You're 25, for God's sakes. You still getting nagged by your folks, ah?'
Well, sometimes life runs out suddenly and dropkicks you in the face with the feets of humbleness. And you know what, it's not actually that bad. Because at least now you know what you did wrong, why you did wrong and how to not do it in the future. It makes you a better person in some ways. And that cant be bad can it?
I might be the last person on earth to write about how to live life and how to treat people in a way that they're meant to be treated. I'm not exactly Mister Sensitive or Mister Know-It-All. But I do know now that I've been a not-so-good person, and my moms words made me realize it. And I take it to heart. Thanks mums for grounding me. I've been a dickhead. (she's still pretty pissed though.)
One of them was done out pure stupidity, and the other, well, lets just say was done out pure stupidity as well, but with a pinch of idiocy added to the mix. And half an hour ago, she nagged me in a way that made me feel 3 inches tall.
Stupid, stupid, INSENSITVE me.
It's amazing how life jumps out behind the door and slams you in the face with the chair of reality, y'know? One day you're thinking, hey, screw other people. I dont need you to survive. Screw what they feel or think of me. I dont need them.
But in reality, you do realize that you need people. You need them to survive. You need to know what they feel or think of you. Why? Because thats what basically grounds you and makes you human. It teaches you a lesson that you wont soon forget and maybe, that lesson'll make you a better person.
Be especially critical to what people closest to you think of you. Especially your parents. Dont ever think you're better than them. Ever. Because you never will be. Try beating suffering the hardships of labour, or working 9 to 5 and maybe doing a bit of overtime so you and your siblings could go out for some KFC. Or giving your kids a life that you never had. And ensuring their future is better than yours ever was. Something to think about isnt it?
And your siblings. Be good to them no matter what. Because at the end of the day, no matter how many gazillion friends your have, no matter how many 'friends' you have in your myspace or friendster list, family will stick with your no matter what. There's no 'Delete family member from list' button here, pal.
I know, I know. Some people might say, 'You're 25, for God's sakes. You still getting nagged by your folks, ah?'
Well, sometimes life runs out suddenly and dropkicks you in the face with the feets of humbleness. And you know what, it's not actually that bad. Because at least now you know what you did wrong, why you did wrong and how to not do it in the future. It makes you a better person in some ways. And that cant be bad can it?
I might be the last person on earth to write about how to live life and how to treat people in a way that they're meant to be treated. I'm not exactly Mister Sensitive or Mister Know-It-All. But I do know now that I've been a not-so-good person, and my moms words made me realize it. And I take it to heart. Thanks mums for grounding me. I've been a dickhead. (she's still pretty pissed though.)
Friday, November 03, 2006
1st December.
Well, its official. I've gotten the letter of appointment and will commence working for an advertising company on the 1st of December. Hopefully the transition will not be hard, as I've been so used to working in a hotel. And I've never been in advertising before.
Either way, good luck me. Dont mess up, jackass.
Either way, good luck me. Dont mess up, jackass.
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