Advice. How to suck at it, by me.

Me:
ok. does she have 3 boobs? this is important.

Friend:
well.. even the two that are there aren't the major attractions, retard hehehe

Me:
you will die a bachelor.

I still suck at advice

Friend:
What makes a woman worth it?

Me:
well, you know that chick in total recall? the one with the 3 boobs?

Friend:
hahahahhaha

Me:
we..ll... not her. but DAYM!

I suck at advice.

Friend:
I understand the feel
But you see everyone has their jihad
mine isn't going very well, it's like when you're in the al-aqsa squad
and half your squad got bombed today
so you gotta pick yourself back up
but aint no ez task

Me:
yeah.. because your arm is probably in the ceiling fan.

This is rare from me because its heart warming. kinda.

So yesterday, after delivering coconut juice to a friend’s house (don’t ask!) I was on the way to the lift. The door opened. I was about to walk in when I saw a little girl in the lift, holding a bicycle twice her size and as she reversed out of the small-ish lift, I noticed she was biting on to two letters. Not enough hand space, for obvious reasons.

She reversed the bike when suddenly the back tyre hit a grill on the opposite wall with a loud bang, which startled both of us. ‘Ha!’ I said. She looked at me and gave me cutest smile in spite of her biting on the letters.

Then the door closed even tho i was pressing the button. I stuck my leg in between the door and still no go. The door still closed. Then I had to wait a while before the door reopened. Then I went for berbuka at Muhibbah.


The End.

Typo.

"Rice. Fried chicken. Gravy. Am I'm happy."

Am I'm happy?

What the fuck does that even mean?

Duffel bag

So I thought to myself, "How could I make a post about a duffel bag that I recently bought... interesting?"

So here it is, the most interesting post about a duffel bag in the history of the internets. Thats right. Internets.

"The name comes from Duffel, a town in Belgium where the thick cloth used to make the bag originated.*"

*Not taken from wikipedia.**

**Okay, I lied. Sorry.***

***Okay, I lied again. Im not sorry. Kiss my ass.

Helmets and death.

So I decided to rant on logic. A friend posted this on my facebook wall.

thats not anatomically or physically possible. you do not get a blood spray pattern like that with a blaster. its just not possible! a blaster 'burns' at a possible temperature of, oh i dont know, Fuckinghot Fahrenheit! any biological matter would've been burnt to a carbony crisp upon impact! the skull wouldnt, hell, the eyeballs for that matter, wouldnt even survive such a burst of pure energy. so you say, "oh, maybe they used bullets...?" FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING BULLETS! this is fucking star wars! the only people that use bullets are either a)dead or b)really dead. theres also c. but if they're still alive now, they'd probably be dead! to whoever that built this monstrosity can go stick his or her head up jabba the hutts fat green asshole, because without logic, there wouldnt be any star wars. 

Bob the climber.

Now the problem with Bob is, nobody knows what he will do next. One day, out of the blue, he shouted in the cafeteria, "Imma climb that there building with nothing but my boxers, some rope and a helmet."

The next day, he did just that.

Unfortunately, it wasn't a building. It was a power line tower.