I've been in pain these past couple of days. My spine hurts. The cause: a slightly odd angle during wudhuk, and I suspect, the 500 boxes of Cool Rhino drinks that me and my colleagues had to carry to and from storage during my company's previous event.
Stupid stairs. And gravity.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Happy Birthday, Gatsu!
To my most awesome sister, I wish you happy birthday! Semoga dipanjangkan umur dan dimurahkan rezeki, insya'Allah.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Im still around! Nobody call the cops!!!
Allrighty, tis been a while... bla bla bla... havent got time to blog, meh meh meh... work was killer, yadda yadda yadda... been spending more time on World of Warcraft... kempas kempis kempus...
... and other excuses that one could possibly generate and write about when they're back on the blogging wagon after a long hiatus. In my case, my last post was on the 23rd of August, so tomorrow (23rd of October) makes it two (2) solid months of non blogging.
Now, for "normal" off the shelf bloggers, this would be time where they blab about whats been going on the past couple of weeks, or months. I say, fuck that, I'm about the now and the future, bitch! Imma write about stuff that wont happen yet and how awesome it is- right now! Man, this 'now' shit is making me pumped! Im gonna talk in caps now. LIKE THIS! I'M SO PUMPED, I JUST RAN OUT OF MY OFFICE AND DROP-KICKED THE DISPATCH IN THE FACE!!!
But I joke.
... and other excuses that one could possibly generate and write about when they're back on the blogging wagon after a long hiatus. In my case, my last post was on the 23rd of August, so tomorrow (23rd of October) makes it two (2) solid months of non blogging.
Now, for "normal" off the shelf bloggers, this would be time where they blab about whats been going on the past couple of weeks, or months. I say, fuck that, I'm about the now and the future, bitch! Imma write about stuff that wont happen yet and how awesome it is- right now! Man, this 'now' shit is making me pumped! Im gonna talk in caps now. LIKE THIS! I'M SO PUMPED, I JUST RAN OUT OF MY OFFICE AND DROP-KICKED THE DISPATCH IN THE FACE!!!
But I joke.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
beskal, oh beskal...
Just about a month ago, I went and bought myself a bicycle. It's a pretty cool bike. Of course, it'd better be- I paid a lotta coin for it. But as new bikes go, it's got a few kinks here and there. The first one being the chain. Long story short, it snapped a coupla hours after I went on the road. Luckily there was a bicycle shop a few minutes away from where I was.
Fast forward a few weeks on my third ride, I met with a bit of an accident. Which was on the day before puasa. And this happend:
It didnt really hurt. But what really pisses me off is how I got into that accident in the first place. You know how there are gratings for drainage holes in the asphalt? Well, as I was merrily cycling along at top speed, my bike tyres went in parallel with the grating bars and overhead the handlebars I flew, landing heavily on my elbow,right wrist and knee. It was awesome! Shamefully, the words that came outta my mouth was 'Omakkau!!!' (translation: YOUR MOTHER!!!)
And so, with a busted elbow and a sore wrist, I start my Ramadhan month...
Fast forward a few weeks on my third ride, I met with a bit of an accident. Which was on the day before puasa. And this happend:
It didnt really hurt. But what really pisses me off is how I got into that accident in the first place. You know how there are gratings for drainage holes in the asphalt? Well, as I was merrily cycling along at top speed, my bike tyres went in parallel with the grating bars and overhead the handlebars I flew, landing heavily on my elbow,right wrist and knee. It was awesome! Shamefully, the words that came outta my mouth was 'Omakkau!!!' (translation: YOUR MOTHER!!!)
And so, with a busted elbow and a sore wrist, I start my Ramadhan month...
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Toy, Games and Comics Convention Adventues!. (Part 1)
I figured I'd better write all this down while its still slightly fresh and within reach on the cluttered desktop that is my mind. Not a good place to file stuff in this brain o mine. Things tend to get lost and buried in mounds of other stuff and... Wait, what was i talking about...
See?!
But enough silly skits.
People say 'The best part of travelling is the journey'. Awesome though the comic convention may be, to get there was an exercise in patience and/or anger management.
Our bus was set to leave at 9.30pm, so by 8.30pm I was already over at Jeps place. After waiting for him to get ready and shit, we were out of the house by 8.50pm. And when I say out of the house, I mean we were in front of the fucking lift doors waiting for the fucking lift to fucking arrive on our fucking floor. As it turns out, it had other plans. We were on the 14th floor of his apartment and the bastard lift went kaput somewhere above or below us. All three of 'em. A decision was made. To The Stairs! (as if we had much of a choice. Jumping down 14 floors is bad for knees.)
We legged it down 14 floors worth of steps to the ground floor... only to receive a call from Jeps brother that Jep had forgotten the battery to his camera so we had to wait a bit until he came down. And wait for him we did, burning what precious minutes we had left.
A stick of cigarette later, the brother arrived. After bumming ten bucks off jep as "payment", we parted ways and we set off for the walk to LRT station. In the rain. Oh yes, no messed up journey would be complete without rain.
A soggy few minutes later, we got on the train and we chugged along at a 'i know ur late so ill just take my sweetass time' speed. After hauling ass through the corridor and dodging the odd slow douche, we made it to the counter at 9.35pm. Yay! Success!
And when I say success, what i really mean is the bus had successfully left us behind! Oh the joy. If dropkicking people in the face wasnt illegal, I'd happily dish out footprints lovingly planted on the faces of every single person in the station. Thats 31 bucks ill never see again. Oh, and another 20 bucks. But more on that later.
A few inquiries later,we were told that to get replacement tickets, it would cost us 21bucks. But the problem was, the next bus was at 1 am! I said fuckit. We searched around for a ten o clock bus and found one. And so, it being a ten o clock bus, we departed on time. At 10.40pm.
Bastards.
"Please be on time at the platform", I remember the lady at the counter of Somecompany Express, smiling sweetly as I contemplated smacking her in the face with my Backhand of Justice and knocking that smile down to her ears when I later found out the bus was actually from another company. I hate it when that happens. Reason is because, theres no consistency in the quality of some of these busses. As a comparison- If i paid for a pair of brand x underpants, why in hell would i want brand y even tho it does the same job of... being a pair of functional underpants! Plus i dont even know the quirks of brand Y. It could chafe, be a size too small and bunch up between the thighs, or just be plain rude to the neighbours, if you know what i mean.
But we'd already paid so we didnt really have a choice.
We boarded. Ok so far. Until the bus went on the highway... Thats when i discovered the first and (thankfully) only quirk. At high speeds, it would emit high pitched squealy/grindy sounds from the recesses of its underbelly. I HATE high pitched squealy/grindy sounds from things with underbellies! Thank God I slept through most of it. When I woke up, I discovered my legs hadnt! Oh yes, due to an awkward angle of thigh placement, my legs had dozed off, leaving me slightly annoyed and confused. I'd kick my legs to wake them up, but that would be futile!
We arrived at the Larkin bus station at around 3am after 4 hours of squealy/grindy travelling goodness. Got a cab (which, btw, cost us 15 bucks because its after midnight), and arrived safely at my house.
Stressfull? Not really. Am pissed that 31bucks just went up in dust. Oh well...
See?!
But enough silly skits.
People say 'The best part of travelling is the journey'. Awesome though the comic convention may be, to get there was an exercise in patience and/or anger management.
Our bus was set to leave at 9.30pm, so by 8.30pm I was already over at Jeps place. After waiting for him to get ready and shit, we were out of the house by 8.50pm. And when I say out of the house, I mean we were in front of the fucking lift doors waiting for the fucking lift to fucking arrive on our fucking floor. As it turns out, it had other plans. We were on the 14th floor of his apartment and the bastard lift went kaput somewhere above or below us. All three of 'em. A decision was made. To The Stairs! (as if we had much of a choice. Jumping down 14 floors is bad for knees.)
We legged it down 14 floors worth of steps to the ground floor... only to receive a call from Jeps brother that Jep had forgotten the battery to his camera so we had to wait a bit until he came down. And wait for him we did, burning what precious minutes we had left.
A stick of cigarette later, the brother arrived. After bumming ten bucks off jep as "payment", we parted ways and we set off for the walk to LRT station. In the rain. Oh yes, no messed up journey would be complete without rain.
A soggy few minutes later, we got on the train and we chugged along at a 'i know ur late so ill just take my sweetass time' speed. After hauling ass through the corridor and dodging the odd slow douche, we made it to the counter at 9.35pm. Yay! Success!
And when I say success, what i really mean is the bus had successfully left us behind! Oh the joy. If dropkicking people in the face wasnt illegal, I'd happily dish out footprints lovingly planted on the faces of every single person in the station. Thats 31 bucks ill never see again. Oh, and another 20 bucks. But more on that later.
A few inquiries later,we were told that to get replacement tickets, it would cost us 21bucks. But the problem was, the next bus was at 1 am! I said fuckit. We searched around for a ten o clock bus and found one. And so, it being a ten o clock bus, we departed on time. At 10.40pm.
Bastards.
"Please be on time at the platform", I remember the lady at the counter of Somecompany Express, smiling sweetly as I contemplated smacking her in the face with my Backhand of Justice and knocking that smile down to her ears when I later found out the bus was actually from another company. I hate it when that happens. Reason is because, theres no consistency in the quality of some of these busses. As a comparison- If i paid for a pair of brand x underpants, why in hell would i want brand y even tho it does the same job of... being a pair of functional underpants! Plus i dont even know the quirks of brand Y. It could chafe, be a size too small and bunch up between the thighs, or just be plain rude to the neighbours, if you know what i mean.
But we'd already paid so we didnt really have a choice.
We boarded. Ok so far. Until the bus went on the highway... Thats when i discovered the first and (thankfully) only quirk. At high speeds, it would emit high pitched squealy/grindy sounds from the recesses of its underbelly. I HATE high pitched squealy/grindy sounds from things with underbellies! Thank God I slept through most of it. When I woke up, I discovered my legs hadnt! Oh yes, due to an awkward angle of thigh placement, my legs had dozed off, leaving me slightly annoyed and confused. I'd kick my legs to wake them up, but that would be futile!
We arrived at the Larkin bus station at around 3am after 4 hours of squealy/grindy travelling goodness. Got a cab (which, btw, cost us 15 bucks because its after midnight), and arrived safely at my house.
Stressfull? Not really. Am pissed that 31bucks just went up in dust. Oh well...
Monday, August 17, 2009
Singapore Toys, Games and Comic Convention 09
So there I was, over in Singapore for the Singapore Toys, Games and Comic Convention 09. It was crazy awesome. I wrote some stuff on the trip but it's in my pod. I'll post it up later.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Half Chewed thoughts....
I made these in my facebook notes. Ive not so much material, so a repost is always good.
- I think the best way to save the trees is to not make cars out of wood.
- Science. Who needs 'em?' a student asks his teacher. Scientists do, replied the teacher. For without science, you can't spell 'Scientist'. That shut him up. I think he cried a little.
- People sometimes ask me, if a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound if there no one to hear it? From which I would answer thoughtfully, 'Yes. Also, would you like large fries with that order?' Fat people usually do. They also ask a lot of weird questions.
-'I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his bus,' said the man next to me suddenly. I chuckled... but stopped in horror when I saw the man go to the parked bus and sat in the drivers seat.
- 'How do porcupines make babies?' the little boy innocently asked Bob. From which Bob replied, 'Very very carefully,' and laughed. Ah, the innocence of youth, he thought. 'In that case, I think porcupines are the safest creatures on earth,' the little boy answered. 'Why do you say that?' Bob replied. 'Because they're fucking cautious.'
-Clowns are evil, no matter how funny they look when you run them down with a car.
-'Turn left here,' my passenger said. He was on the passenger seat up front. 'My left or your left?' I ask. From whiich he took the gun and pointed it to my face and told me to shut up. Robbers have no sense of humor sometimes.
- Once, I laughed so hard, I wet my self. But it was okay. I was on fire at the time.
- Bob the Dairyman had a brilliant idea. He'll feed his cows strawberries, then they'll give him strawberry milk. But why stop there? How about feeding them chocolates? Chocolate flavoured milk! I am a genius, he gleefully thought to himself. However, instead of tasty flavoured milk, Bob the Dairyman accidentaly invented Mad Cow disease.
- 'You're stretching me to the limit, and I'm sick of this! I quit!!!' But that was all he could say. Afterall, he's just a bungee cord...
- If there was any gadget I'd like from Doraemon, it'd definitely be the Anywhere Door (Pintu Sukahati) and teleport to faraway lands. And do things you wouldnt normally do. Like punching Britney Spears in the face.
- Today my boss exclaimed 'Who da man?!' I just stared at him blankly and said, 'Pardon?' Then he said, 'Who's your boss?' from which I said, 'Chuck Norris?' He stared at me as if I was an idiot and went to the toilet.
- I think the best way to save the trees is to not make cars out of wood.
- Science. Who needs 'em?' a student asks his teacher. Scientists do, replied the teacher. For without science, you can't spell 'Scientist'. That shut him up. I think he cried a little.
- People sometimes ask me, if a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound if there no one to hear it? From which I would answer thoughtfully, 'Yes. Also, would you like large fries with that order?' Fat people usually do. They also ask a lot of weird questions.
-'I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his bus,' said the man next to me suddenly. I chuckled... but stopped in horror when I saw the man go to the parked bus and sat in the drivers seat.
- 'How do porcupines make babies?' the little boy innocently asked Bob. From which Bob replied, 'Very very carefully,' and laughed. Ah, the innocence of youth, he thought. 'In that case, I think porcupines are the safest creatures on earth,' the little boy answered. 'Why do you say that?' Bob replied. 'Because they're fucking cautious.'
-Clowns are evil, no matter how funny they look when you run them down with a car.
-'Turn left here,' my passenger said. He was on the passenger seat up front. 'My left or your left?' I ask. From whiich he took the gun and pointed it to my face and told me to shut up. Robbers have no sense of humor sometimes.
- Once, I laughed so hard, I wet my self. But it was okay. I was on fire at the time.
- Bob the Dairyman had a brilliant idea. He'll feed his cows strawberries, then they'll give him strawberry milk. But why stop there? How about feeding them chocolates? Chocolate flavoured milk! I am a genius, he gleefully thought to himself. However, instead of tasty flavoured milk, Bob the Dairyman accidentaly invented Mad Cow disease.
- 'You're stretching me to the limit, and I'm sick of this! I quit!!!' But that was all he could say. Afterall, he's just a bungee cord...
- If there was any gadget I'd like from Doraemon, it'd definitely be the Anywhere Door (Pintu Sukahati) and teleport to faraway lands. And do things you wouldnt normally do. Like punching Britney Spears in the face.
- Today my boss exclaimed 'Who da man?!' I just stared at him blankly and said, 'Pardon?' Then he said, 'Who's your boss?' from which I said, 'Chuck Norris?' He stared at me as if I was an idiot and went to the toilet.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Sometimes, it sucks to be a photographer...
Ah, the joyful bloom of youth. Aint it beautiful? Life is such a carefree thing, where most of your free time is spent playing with friends, making fun of girls, torturing the family cat, and flipping the bird at the innocent photographer who didn't realize the gesture until much later whilst going through the photos!!!!OH YEAH, REALY MATURE, BUDDY! ESPECIALLY COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO'S WEARING A PINK STRIPEY SHIRT!
But for whats it worth, it's a nice picture. Didnt want to get the kid in trouble, hence the pixelated eyes. The kid in the middle is probably the most mature of the group, the one on the left, probably the clueless dumbass, and the one on the right is the one that'll probably be the one who gets the other two in trouble.
Probably.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Google, and ye shall find... yer stuff?
I was bored. After checking only 2 retarded comments on my facebook page, I was curious to see if google's got the skills to find pages containing the following keyword: kanniney. (again, I was bored. boredome makes you do silly things. it also makes you spell the word boredom with an extra e at the end.)
What I found was a link to a forum for cars an shit. As it turns out, the keyword belonged to an article/list that, er, lists, the things people generally do whilst camwhoring themselves in cars. (You know who you are. Psh..)
A list which I wrote. On my facebook notes page.
Then I figured, Hmm, I wonder what other pages have this list, so I googled one of the points in the list(passenger kat belakang interframe sambil buat muka ntahapa2tah), and wouldnt you know it, some chick had posted it up on her blog.
Now, I dont really mind anyone copying and pasting that list. Really. Im just curious as to how they got it in the first place, seeing as that :
a) I dont think I'm friends with the posters
b) The thing was on facebook! People cant google other peoples notes on facebook if they're not connected... Can they?
Oh well, some question we will never have the answer to.
But anyways, if you were wondering, what is this article I speak of? Here it be. It's in BM. So, if you cant understand BM, nasib ah. Sapa suruh tak belajo masa sekolah dulu.
Heh heh.
Okay, okay, I'll translate it, just in case some foreign dude from the United States of Canada or wherever comes and reads it and mistakes this as some terrorist plot to blow up the United Nations of Benetton or whatever. If my translations are not accurate, please, feel free to STFU.
Perangai orang yang suka amik gambo dalam keta. (The general characteristics of people camwhoring in cars)
1)pakai cemin mata itam (wears dark glasses.)
2)lidah terjelir / kepala senget2 / senyum kambing nampak gigi / mulut terbukak. (tongues sticking out / head tilted sideways / smiling like a dumbass with exposed teeth / mouths open.)
3)passenger kat belakang interframe sambil buat muka ntahapa2tah. (passengers in the background posing in frame with silly faces on their faces. their silly, silly faces.)
4)muka kontrol macho/ayu, tak tengok camera, tapi tangan sendiri sah2 pegang kamera. (not looking at the camera, acting oblivious to the fact that you're holding the camera while posing with a calm and cool expression of a douchebag.)
5)amik gambo lapan belas kali, sebab the first 17 kali 'gambo tak best.' (takes 18 shots, because the first 17 looked like you were on crack.)
7)lepas amik gambo, tunjuk drebar, walaupon tau drebar tengah bawak keta. (after taking a picture, shows it to the driver, even though the driver is, um, driving.)
8) jari v. lets not forget that. (the V sign. damn, whats 'lets not forget that' in english? fuck!)
9) bibir kuncup. (cutey-pouty lips.)
10) amik gambo ngan driver. driber pon senyom. walaupon ada can eksiden. tapi takpe, janji senyom. (takes pictures with the driver and the driver smiles like he/she has never smiled before, even though theres a chance of an accident but hey, CHEESE!)
11) selalu amik gambo lepas check sms. (generally shots take place after checking a text.)
12) theme: 1) control macho 2)control ayu 3)muka tak senonoh. (see 4) [themes: 1) douchebag 2)douchebagette 3)being silly. see 4.]
13) upload kat facebook/friendster/blog/youtube (uploads pics on facebook/friendster/blog/youtube.)
What I found was a link to a forum for cars an shit. As it turns out, the keyword belonged to an article/list that, er, lists, the things people generally do whilst camwhoring themselves in cars. (You know who you are. Psh..)
A list which I wrote. On my facebook notes page.
Then I figured, Hmm, I wonder what other pages have this list, so I googled one of the points in the list(passenger kat belakang interframe sambil buat muka ntahapa2tah), and wouldnt you know it, some chick had posted it up on her blog.
Now, I dont really mind anyone copying and pasting that list. Really. Im just curious as to how they got it in the first place, seeing as that :
a) I dont think I'm friends with the posters
b) The thing was on facebook! People cant google other peoples notes on facebook if they're not connected... Can they?
Oh well, some question we will never have the answer to.
But anyways, if you were wondering, what is this article I speak of? Here it be. It's in BM. So, if you cant understand BM, nasib ah. Sapa suruh tak belajo masa sekolah dulu.
Heh heh.
Okay, okay, I'll translate it, just in case some foreign dude from the United States of Canada or wherever comes and reads it and mistakes this as some terrorist plot to blow up the United Nations of Benetton or whatever. If my translations are not accurate, please, feel free to STFU.
Perangai orang yang suka amik gambo dalam keta. (The general characteristics of people camwhoring in cars)
1)pakai cemin mata itam (wears dark glasses.)
2)lidah terjelir / kepala senget2 / senyum kambing nampak gigi / mulut terbukak. (tongues sticking out / head tilted sideways / smiling like a dumbass with exposed teeth / mouths open.)
3)passenger kat belakang interframe sambil buat muka ntahapa2tah. (passengers in the background posing in frame with silly faces on their faces. their silly, silly faces.)
4)muka kontrol macho/ayu, tak tengok camera, tapi tangan sendiri sah2 pegang kamera. (not looking at the camera, acting oblivious to the fact that you're holding the camera while posing with a calm and cool expression of a douchebag.)
5)amik gambo lapan belas kali, sebab the first 17 kali 'gambo tak best.' (takes 18 shots, because the first 17 looked like you were on crack.)
7)lepas amik gambo, tunjuk drebar, walaupon tau drebar tengah bawak keta. (after taking a picture, shows it to the driver, even though the driver is, um, driving.)
8) jari v. lets not forget that. (the V sign. damn, whats 'lets not forget that' in english? fuck!)
9) bibir kuncup. (cutey-pouty lips.)
10) amik gambo ngan driver. driber pon senyom. walaupon ada can eksiden. tapi takpe, janji senyom. (takes pictures with the driver and the driver smiles like he/she has never smiled before, even though theres a chance of an accident but hey, CHEESE!)
11) selalu amik gambo lepas check sms. (generally shots take place after checking a text.)
12) theme: 1) control macho 2)control ayu 3)muka tak senonoh. (see 4) [themes: 1) douchebag 2)douchebagette 3)being silly. see 4.]
13) upload kat facebook/friendster/blog/youtube (uploads pics on facebook/friendster/blog/youtube.)
14) edit dalam photoshop. kalau tak reti edit dalam photoshop, mintak tolong member. (edits photo in photoshop. asks friend to help if knowledge of Photoshop equals to a bananas knowledge of Quantum Physics. )
14) pelik apasal ada 28 juta orang ada pose yang sama. marah diorang sebab 'tiru pose aku.' (gets weirded out because 28 million people do the same pose and gets slightly pissed because they were 'immitating my douchy pose.')
15) rambut kena ada atas mata. emo style. (hair must be covering eyes to emulate the 'emo' style.)
16) marah orang yang tulis menda2 di atas ni 'hek eleh, macam ko tak penah buat.bole blah. kanniney.' (gets angry at the person that wrote this and says 'as if you've never done this shit. piss off. you fuck!')
14) pelik apasal ada 28 juta orang ada pose yang sama. marah diorang sebab 'tiru pose aku.' (gets weirded out because 28 million people do the same pose and gets slightly pissed because they were 'immitating my douchy pose.')
15) rambut kena ada atas mata. emo style. (hair must be covering eyes to emulate the 'emo' style.)
16) marah orang yang tulis menda2 di atas ni 'hek eleh, macam ko tak penah buat.bole blah. kanniney.' (gets angry at the person that wrote this and says 'as if you've never done this shit. piss off. you fuck!')
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
A chat on bananas and the male genitilia.
[me] : weh
[Somechick] : yes dude?
[me] : whats black and sweaty?
[Somechick] : errr
[Somechick] : my laptop after taken out from the freezer?
[Somechick] : mana aku tauuu
[me] : dah?
[Somechick] : dah
[me] : semut itam tengah jogging.
[Somechick] : why semut itam?
[me] : um...
[me] : my laptop after taken out from freezer?
[Somechick] : hahahaha seriouss laaa weh
[Somechick] : apsal semut hitam?
[Somechick] : apsal tak 'you after u suck my balls under the charcoal pit' or something?
[me] : you've got a sick sick mind, you know that, somechick?
[Somechick] : hahahaha takes one to know one
[me] : thank you.
[me] : but to answer your question.
[me] : you must first answer me this question:
[Somechick] : okay
[Somechick] : what?
[me] : three women are each eating a banana. the first one eats it by breaking the banana into pieces and popping them in her mouth one by one. the second one bites the banana like people usually do and the third one holds the banana with both hands and slowly stuffs it in her mouth. the question- which one of these ladies are married?
[Somechick] : is this a trick question?
[Somechick] : hahaha u chose a lousy person to answer as well sbb i dont eat raw bananas
[Somechick] : but ok i will indulge in your sick twisted mind games haha
[me] : proceed.
[Somechick] : (husband of somechick): first one
[Somechick] : ntah. third one? or maybe first? can i choose both?
[me] : and you? what is your answer?
[me] : you chose the third one?
[Somechick] : yeah?
[me] : okay. the answer is this: its the one with the wedding ring.
[me] : you've got a sick mind, y'know that?
[Somechick] : hahahhahaa wadahelllllllllll
[me] : sicksicksicksicksick
[Somechick] : mana aku tau cara nak makan pisanggggggg
[Somechick] : hahahahahahhahahahha
[me] : WARKGHKAHKAHKAHKA AND YET YOU CHOSE THE THIRD ONE.
[Somechick] : hahahahahahhahaha wellllllllllll
[Somechick] : hahahahahahahahahaha
[Somechick] : orang tak makan pisang camtu ke?
[me] : manade!
[me] : hold it with both hands pejadah? lepas tu masuk mulot sekaligus.
[Somechick] : hahahah i thought it'd be like if i cakap first one then u say "oh so u feel that way about your husband's penis? nak cincang?!"
[Somechick] : HAHAHAHHAAH OK I HAVE A SICK MIND
[Somechick] : ahahahahhahahahahahha
[me] : this is soo going in my blog.
[Somechick] : hahahahaha babi
[Somechick] : hahahaha letak laaaa
[me] : names witheld, of course.
[Somechick] : yes yes go ahead
[me] : psh... "number 3" BWARGHAHAHAHA
[me] : y'know what, i thot u wuz on to me.
[Somechick] : aahahaha whadayamean
[Somechick] : i am innocent
[me] : and also..
[me] : [Somechick]: hahahah i thought it'd be like if i cakap first one then u say "oh so u feel that way about your husband's penis? nak cincang?!" <--- SAY WHAT?!?!
[me] : THATS JUST WRONG, MAN!!!
[Somechick] : hahahahaha i thought it was a psychological question or some shit like that
[me] : * shudder *
[Somechick] : hahahahahahahahhaha
[Somechick] : like a freudian thingggggggggggggg
[Somechick] : mana aku tauuuu it's a cheap trick question without any insight
[Somechick] : cissss
[me] : heh heh.
[me] : oh well..
[me] : anyways
[me] : reminds me of something i read somewhere..
[me] : happened in malaysia (or singapore, iinm)
[Somechick] : about?
[me] : this secretary was giving her boss a bj in the car
[me] : (or in some places, a 'number three lady')
[me] : anyways
[me] : like i said, they were doing stuff when suddenly, some car accidentally hits their car from behind.
[me] : and she accidentally bit off the tip of the dudes manmeat
[Somechick] : hahahahaha bodoh hahahha tapi euwww and owwww!
[me] : you can say that again, man..
[me] : im cringing as i type this. fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...!!!
[Somechick] : macam sakit je
[Somechick] : eiiii
[Somechick] : i feel bad for the poor bastard though but he deserved it i guess
[me] : yeah. bastard was cheating on his wife. ironically, the guy that terlanggar the car was a private investigator that worked for the wife.
[me] : im guessing the PI got a bonus.
[Somechick] : hahaha for all u know he "accidentally" did it
[me] : could be.
[me] : anyhoot, enough private parts talk for today.
[me] : im'na do some work, later, sicko.
[Somechick] : yeah bye bye d'sicko haha
[Somechick] : yes dude?
[me] : whats black and sweaty?
[Somechick] : errr
[Somechick] : my laptop after taken out from the freezer?
[Somechick] : mana aku tauuu
[me] : dah?
[Somechick] : dah
[me] : semut itam tengah jogging.
[Somechick] : why semut itam?
[me] : um...
[me] : my laptop after taken out from freezer?
[Somechick] : hahahaha seriouss laaa weh
[Somechick] : apsal semut hitam?
[Somechick] : apsal tak 'you after u suck my balls under the charcoal pit' or something?
[me] : you've got a sick sick mind, you know that, somechick?
[Somechick] : hahahaha takes one to know one
[me] : thank you.
[me] : but to answer your question.
[me] : you must first answer me this question:
[Somechick] : okay
[Somechick] : what?
[me] : three women are each eating a banana. the first one eats it by breaking the banana into pieces and popping them in her mouth one by one. the second one bites the banana like people usually do and the third one holds the banana with both hands and slowly stuffs it in her mouth. the question- which one of these ladies are married?
[Somechick] : is this a trick question?
[Somechick] : hahaha u chose a lousy person to answer as well sbb i dont eat raw bananas
[Somechick] : but ok i will indulge in your sick twisted mind games haha
[me] : proceed.
[Somechick] : (husband of somechick): first one
[Somechick] : ntah. third one? or maybe first? can i choose both?
[me] : and you? what is your answer?
[me] : you chose the third one?
[Somechick] : yeah?
[me] : okay. the answer is this: its the one with the wedding ring.
[me] : you've got a sick mind, y'know that?
[Somechick] : hahahhahaa wadahelllllllllll
[me] : sicksicksicksicksick
[Somechick] : mana aku tau cara nak makan pisanggggggg
[Somechick] : hahahahahahhahahahha
[me] : WARKGHKAHKAHKAHKA AND YET YOU CHOSE THE THIRD ONE.
[Somechick] : hahahahahahhahaha wellllllllllll
[Somechick] : hahahahahahahahahaha
[Somechick] : orang tak makan pisang camtu ke?
[me] : manade!
[me] : hold it with both hands pejadah? lepas tu masuk mulot sekaligus.
[Somechick] : hahahah i thought it'd be like if i cakap first one then u say "oh so u feel that way about your husband's penis? nak cincang?!"
[Somechick] : HAHAHAHHAAH OK I HAVE A SICK MIND
[Somechick] : ahahahahhahahahahahha
[me] : this is soo going in my blog.
[Somechick] : hahahahaha babi
[Somechick] : hahahaha letak laaaa
[me] : names witheld, of course.
[Somechick] : yes yes go ahead
[me] : psh... "number 3" BWARGHAHAHAHA
[me] : y'know what, i thot u wuz on to me.
[Somechick] : aahahaha whadayamean
[Somechick] : i am innocent
[me] : and also..
[me] : [Somechick]: hahahah i thought it'd be like if i cakap first one then u say "oh so u feel that way about your husband's penis? nak cincang?!" <--- SAY WHAT?!?!
[me] : THATS JUST WRONG, MAN!!!
[Somechick] : hahahahaha i thought it was a psychological question or some shit like that
[me] : * shudder *
[Somechick] : hahahahahahahahhaha
[Somechick] : like a freudian thingggggggggggggg
[Somechick] : mana aku tauuuu it's a cheap trick question without any insight
[Somechick] : cissss
[me] : heh heh.
[me] : oh well..
[me] : anyways
[me] : reminds me of something i read somewhere..
[me] : happened in malaysia (or singapore, iinm)
[Somechick] : about?
[me] : this secretary was giving her boss a bj in the car
[me] : (or in some places, a 'number three lady')
[me] : anyways
[me] : like i said, they were doing stuff when suddenly, some car accidentally hits their car from behind.
[me] : and she accidentally bit off the tip of the dudes manmeat
[Somechick] : hahahahaha bodoh hahahha tapi euwww and owwww!
[me] : you can say that again, man..
[me] : im cringing as i type this. fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...!!!
[Somechick] : macam sakit je
[Somechick] : eiiii
[Somechick] : i feel bad for the poor bastard though but he deserved it i guess
[me] : yeah. bastard was cheating on his wife. ironically, the guy that terlanggar the car was a private investigator that worked for the wife.
[me] : im guessing the PI got a bonus.
[Somechick] : hahaha for all u know he "accidentally" did it
[me] : could be.
[me] : anyhoot, enough private parts talk for today.
[me] : im'na do some work, later, sicko.
[Somechick] : yeah bye bye d'sicko haha
Fuck you, recycling!
Ever had that one in a million chance happen to you, even though it counts for shit-all? See illustrated: 
HOLY FUCKING SHIT ONNA BRICK, I.AM.AWESOME!!!
Made my fuckin' day, that.
*oh stop your soppy cries of woes, you hippy. I did go and put that plastic bottle in its proper bin later.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT ONNA BRICK, I.AM.AWESOME!!!Made my fuckin' day, that.
*oh stop your soppy cries of woes, you hippy. I did go and put that plastic bottle in its proper bin later.
Monday, July 20, 2009
I almost fergot about this blog
Thank you elliester for reminding me that I have a blog and it is in dire need of an update. Well, here's an update: I've just got to level 60 in world of warcraft and have proceeded to create a new character by the name of SaripDol on the Kul Tiras server (US, iinm.). No, i'm not kidding. he is awesome. Sure, he's only at level 5. Give him a coupla weeks- nay, MONTHS...
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Thursday, March 05, 2009
The iThings we do
We live in an IT world, do we not? So I guess it's not that odd that we make use of all things IT and somehow misuse it in a way its not meant to utilised. Or bring whatever culture that's been cultivated from the cyberworld to the real world (memes?). Well, you know you're a bit of a... whatever I described above when:
1) You combed my hair, and instead of turning around and using the damn mirror, you use the webcam on the mac. (okay. definitely me.)
2) You wish you could Ctrl+Z (or Command+z) most of the common mistakes you make. Thats not in the computer.
3) "Anybody seen my phone? Never mind, I'll call it using the house phone. Brring Brring. Ah, there it is." On the flipside, "Anybody see my carkeys? Never mind, I'll ca-... oh. Crap. Where the fuck are my carkeys?!"
4) You listen to a song, you imagine the coloured bars coming down, ala Rock Band/Guitar hero. Ooo, long yellow bar. *Thumps imaginary base drum.* Score!
5) Instead of a good book or paper, you take a dump while watching stuff on your iPod. Even better, check your mail if you have wifi or 3g phone.
6) 'I can has' is the new 'May I have'/Could I have'.
7) You almost get a panic attack when you forget to bring your handphone.
8) When in strange company, fiddle phone. When bored with strange company, fiddle phone. When NOT bored with strange company, check sms, y'know, just in case. When theres nothing to do on phone, read past text messages. Delete past text messages. Check sent items. Clear sent items. Check wifi availability. Get angry and curse IT guy for putting in password. Also, get angry when people make fun of being 'anti-social'.
9) It used to be illegal to text while driving. Update: it's also illegal to YM, to reply to an email, to 3G call someone and say 'im driving'.
10) You see something funny/sad/odd. You think, hey, this'd be a nice post for my blog. Then totally forget about it. And when you DO remember, the story grows an extra leg.
11) You've tried to look for porn on Youtube. You've been duped by many many dupe videos that have an icon of some hot chick- turns out its some 40 year old fat guy with a webcam thats 'stroking his cat from Japan.'
12) You Google something you can't spell. And see the 'did you mean (word)?' section.
I'd add more but I gotta go work. Later.
p.s: 13) you update your blog from work.
1) You combed my hair, and instead of turning around and using the damn mirror, you use the webcam on the mac. (okay. definitely me.)
2) You wish you could Ctrl+Z (or Command+z) most of the common mistakes you make. Thats not in the computer.
3) "Anybody seen my phone? Never mind, I'll call it using the house phone. Brring Brring. Ah, there it is." On the flipside, "Anybody see my carkeys? Never mind, I'll ca-... oh. Crap. Where the fuck are my carkeys?!"
4) You listen to a song, you imagine the coloured bars coming down, ala Rock Band/Guitar hero. Ooo, long yellow bar. *Thumps imaginary base drum.* Score!
5) Instead of a good book or paper, you take a dump while watching stuff on your iPod. Even better, check your mail if you have wifi or 3g phone.
6) 'I can has' is the new 'May I have'/Could I have'.
7) You almost get a panic attack when you forget to bring your handphone.
8) When in strange company, fiddle phone. When bored with strange company, fiddle phone. When NOT bored with strange company, check sms, y'know, just in case. When theres nothing to do on phone, read past text messages. Delete past text messages. Check sent items. Clear sent items. Check wifi availability. Get angry and curse IT guy for putting in password. Also, get angry when people make fun of being 'anti-social'.
9) It used to be illegal to text while driving. Update: it's also illegal to YM, to reply to an email, to 3G call someone and say 'im driving'.
10) You see something funny/sad/odd. You think, hey, this'd be a nice post for my blog. Then totally forget about it. And when you DO remember, the story grows an extra leg.
11) You've tried to look for porn on Youtube. You've been duped by many many dupe videos that have an icon of some hot chick- turns out its some 40 year old fat guy with a webcam thats 'stroking his cat from Japan.'
12) You Google something you can't spell. And see the 'did you mean (word)?' section.
I'd add more but I gotta go work. Later.
p.s: 13) you update your blog from work.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
If these eyes could speak, it'd say 'LOOK AWAY! LOOK AWAY!'
I accidentally saw an extremely disturbing clip today. No one died or anything, but it cringes me to the core. TO THE CORE, I SAY!
As I've told Burul, 'I'll never look at women (with vibrators) the same way again.'
*shudder*
Normally I'd divulge my aural-visual escapades as a post to this here blog, but sometimes... sometimes...
In other words:
more animals
As I've told Burul, 'I'll never look at women (with vibrators) the same way again.'
*shudder*
Normally I'd divulge my aural-visual escapades as a post to this here blog, but sometimes... sometimes...
In other words:
more animals
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Weeks of Pain
So yeah, it's been a while since my last update. That's cool. There'll prolly be more weeks of updates-nonexistent. Consistently inconsistent, my motto is. Heh heh.
But anyways, a couple of things happened that generally revolves around work, and also of things that are none your flippin' business, so I'll pretty much skip that shit.
A while back, I contracted, for want of a better word, 2 medical conditions that either : messed up any activity that required me to go about shirtless in public, or any sort of running or jogging plans I had (bahahaha! jogging!). This post is for the first one.
The first was the apparent STD by the awesomely awful name of... wait for it... Herpes! Heh heh, I could almost hear it now. 'He had the WHAT?' Settle down! I DONT have herpes, goddamit!
How'd I apparently get it? A couple of months ago, I left a t-shirt over at my sisters house and I totally fergot about it. Anyways, I got it back, put it on and went to work, thinking alls cool.
It wasn't.
Zooming forward to lunchtime that day, I began to itch on the chest area just slightly North-East to my right nipple. Oh, it itched bad! I thought nothing of it and I just scratched. Like a cat scratches the ground just before taking a dump. Ye..eah. Because I was so busy with work and everything, I absent mindedly scratched the spot continously, thinking that it must've been some dumb-ass mosquito that had a fetish for man-boob blood that'd bitten me the night before.
Later when I got home, the itching continued, and looking at a mirror, I was surprised to find several blisters had developed on the skin.
Dont panic, I said. It'll go away eventually. It didnt. Then it began to hurt. The skin around it felt tender, like someone poured hot mushroom soup on your chest, and not in a kinky way. I'd gone and put some anti-fungal cream on it but still no go. I bet the thing was confused. I imagine it going, 'Excuse me, but wtf do you think you're doing, sir? I, am NOT some cheap fungal infection that grows about on damp places of your skin! Stop this at once! It's embarassing for both of us! I'm already getting funny looks from your right nipple!'
I couldnt take it anymore, because, the whole feeling of it was like this; it was painful AND itchy at the SAME time and I couldnt scratch it because of the blisters. And if I've learned anything from the Discovery Channel is never poke a sleeping skunk and never scratch a liquid-filled blister. Also, a time machine does not exist. Yet.
So I went to a pharmacist to buy more potent creams. I showed the pharmacist lady the area, and she suggested I go see a doctor. I did and this is where things got really messed up. The doctor, upon seeing the area, got all serious on me and asked, 'Have you had any sexual contact these past couple of days?'
'Pardon? Can you run that by me again?' I said.
'Have you had any sexual contact these past couple of days? From the look of it, I suspect it's a sign that you might have herpes.'
'I've never taken any womans peas, sir! AND no, I have NEVER had ANY sexual contact at ALL!' Except with Shanon Elizabeth. In my head! But I didnt tell him this.
'No no, HERPES. It's an STD.'
'I see. Again, no.'
'Well, from the state of the skin, I suspect it's herpes. I'll give you some bla bla bla' he went on and later he gave me some cream and some anti-viral tablets.
Well, this a confusing state of events that's developed. Me, being the virgin that I am, who was about as promiscuous as a banana, had somehow contracted an STD that's generally reserved for pimps, pirates and hookers. Earned myself a nickname 'Herpes boy' from friends when I told them about it. Bastards.
But then, along came my friend Kong with the answer. I showed him the area one day and said that it wasn't herpes and he'd gone through the same shit from the last doctor that diagnosed him.
'You got bitten by a Charlie beetle (Rove beetle). Or rather, got sprayed by it's extremely potent acidic defense mechanism. I got it the last time when I was in college. There was a Charlie beetle outbreak at the time and the skin condition is exactly the same. Like you, the doctor asked if I had any sexual contact the past couple of days. No and it couldn't be, I said, because theres 5 people waiting outside from my college with the same skin condition as mine. Doctor then said it must be a Charlie beetle,' he said.
Well, thats a load of my mind. I later checked the t shirt that I wore before and I saw that there WERE patches of dried liquid from the bugs butt on the same exact place where the itches began. Did a Google and these Charlie bugs are NASTY. It was one of the most dangerous bugs in bugdom with a potent chemical mix in its stinger. Its venom is so potent that even if the creature died and its husk crushed and rubbed on the skin, the poison would still retain its nasty effect, like the one I had. Whats worse is if the blisters on the affected area was scratched or burst, more would grow.
Well, all's well now. The general remedy was to not scratch the area and just keep the area dry. Left a couple of scarred dots on my skin, it did!
Well, if anyones used Youtube, I too can confidently say that Charlie bit me. Or left a 'booby' trap. Buahahaha.
Herpes, my ass.
Next post: Me and My left foot. Of pain.
But anyways, a couple of things happened that generally revolves around work, and also of things that are none your flippin' business, so I'll pretty much skip that shit.
A while back, I contracted, for want of a better word, 2 medical conditions that either : messed up any activity that required me to go about shirtless in public, or any sort of running or jogging plans I had (bahahaha! jogging!). This post is for the first one.
The first was the apparent STD by the awesomely awful name of... wait for it... Herpes! Heh heh, I could almost hear it now. 'He had the WHAT?' Settle down! I DONT have herpes, goddamit!
How'd I apparently get it? A couple of months ago, I left a t-shirt over at my sisters house and I totally fergot about it. Anyways, I got it back, put it on and went to work, thinking alls cool.
It wasn't.
Zooming forward to lunchtime that day, I began to itch on the chest area just slightly North-East to my right nipple. Oh, it itched bad! I thought nothing of it and I just scratched. Like a cat scratches the ground just before taking a dump. Ye..eah. Because I was so busy with work and everything, I absent mindedly scratched the spot continously, thinking that it must've been some dumb-ass mosquito that had a fetish for man-boob blood that'd bitten me the night before.
Later when I got home, the itching continued, and looking at a mirror, I was surprised to find several blisters had developed on the skin.
Dont panic, I said. It'll go away eventually. It didnt. Then it began to hurt. The skin around it felt tender, like someone poured hot mushroom soup on your chest, and not in a kinky way. I'd gone and put some anti-fungal cream on it but still no go. I bet the thing was confused. I imagine it going, 'Excuse me, but wtf do you think you're doing, sir? I, am NOT some cheap fungal infection that grows about on damp places of your skin! Stop this at once! It's embarassing for both of us! I'm already getting funny looks from your right nipple!'
I couldnt take it anymore, because, the whole feeling of it was like this; it was painful AND itchy at the SAME time and I couldnt scratch it because of the blisters. And if I've learned anything from the Discovery Channel is never poke a sleeping skunk and never scratch a liquid-filled blister. Also, a time machine does not exist. Yet.
So I went to a pharmacist to buy more potent creams. I showed the pharmacist lady the area, and she suggested I go see a doctor. I did and this is where things got really messed up. The doctor, upon seeing the area, got all serious on me and asked, 'Have you had any sexual contact these past couple of days?'
'Pardon? Can you run that by me again?' I said.
'Have you had any sexual contact these past couple of days? From the look of it, I suspect it's a sign that you might have herpes.'
'I've never taken any womans peas, sir! AND no, I have NEVER had ANY sexual contact at ALL!' Except with Shanon Elizabeth. In my head! But I didnt tell him this.
'No no, HERPES. It's an STD.'
'I see. Again, no.'
'Well, from the state of the skin, I suspect it's herpes. I'll give you some bla bla bla' he went on and later he gave me some cream and some anti-viral tablets.
Well, this a confusing state of events that's developed. Me, being the virgin that I am, who was about as promiscuous as a banana, had somehow contracted an STD that's generally reserved for pimps, pirates and hookers. Earned myself a nickname 'Herpes boy' from friends when I told them about it. Bastards.
But then, along came my friend Kong with the answer. I showed him the area one day and said that it wasn't herpes and he'd gone through the same shit from the last doctor that diagnosed him.
'You got bitten by a Charlie beetle (Rove beetle). Or rather, got sprayed by it's extremely potent acidic defense mechanism. I got it the last time when I was in college. There was a Charlie beetle outbreak at the time and the skin condition is exactly the same. Like you, the doctor asked if I had any sexual contact the past couple of days. No and it couldn't be, I said, because theres 5 people waiting outside from my college with the same skin condition as mine. Doctor then said it must be a Charlie beetle,' he said.
Well, thats a load of my mind. I later checked the t shirt that I wore before and I saw that there WERE patches of dried liquid from the bugs butt on the same exact place where the itches began. Did a Google and these Charlie bugs are NASTY. It was one of the most dangerous bugs in bugdom with a potent chemical mix in its stinger. Its venom is so potent that even if the creature died and its husk crushed and rubbed on the skin, the poison would still retain its nasty effect, like the one I had. Whats worse is if the blisters on the affected area was scratched or burst, more would grow.
Well, all's well now. The general remedy was to not scratch the area and just keep the area dry. Left a couple of scarred dots on my skin, it did!
Well, if anyones used Youtube, I too can confidently say that Charlie bit me. Or left a 'booby' trap. Buahahaha.
Herpes, my ass.
Next post: Me and My left foot. Of pain.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Hello
Am still around. I've just been flippin' lazy in updating, what with the gout and "herpes" and all. (note the quotes. i do NOT have herpes. more on this later on. heh! but I do have another STD thats not: gout. more on this later too.)
Saturday, January 24, 2009
The BS Conundrum
The other day, I was testing out my blood sugar level. No, I'm not diabetic, but my dad is. But not on a full blown level. Just a light version, so to speak. Y'know, if, like, diabetes was a type of software, my dad's would be a demo version, and the occasional nag screen would pop up either asking for a full upgrade or...
What the fuck is this nerd talking about...?
Uh,Okay, beginning to lose you here, but anyways, as I was saying, I was helping my dad configure a few stuff on his shiny new blood sugar level tester thing. It's this little gadget that sucks blood and spews forth numbers that indicate whether or not your blood sugar level qualifies you to piss in your coffee every morning. (I exagerrate. Some people drink tea..)
How this thing works is like this: you prick your finger with the supplied needle which is attached to a pen-like mechanism. It doesnt hurt but the thought a sudden intrusion of needle penetrating skin naturally makes one twitch. When the red stuff begins oozing out, you drop a, uh, droplet of blood on a strip (thats attached to the tester) and that, with the magic of modern techmolagy, calculates your blood sugar level, etc etc, ding: you get your blood sugar level. It's good to know, really. I guess it's one of those things that make you look brainy in conversation, y'know. 'So, I was testing my blood sugar level and as it turns out, im a 7. Whats yours? Oh, you dont know? Most diabetics dont know. You sir, are a dead man.' Then they'd kick me out of the Donut shop...
But I digress.
So that day, as I was helping everyone test out their BS level (fancy way of saying Blood Sugar, innit?), it came then to my moms turn. While I was prepping her for it,
'So what's your BS level?' she asked.
'7.6*' I said, swabbing an alcohol-soaked cotton on her forefinger.
'7.6?' she says.'Thats 2.6 above average!' Uh oh, I thought myself. Here it begins.
And my mum begins to lecture me on how I should stop consuming all manner of fizzy drinks and how I should control my eating habits, etc etc etc...
'Adoi!' she says as I pricked her finger with the needle pen.
'And that would be the needle,' I said, placing the droplet of blood on the machine. As it worked out the sugary math, my mum kept on the lecture on the Deathly Dangers of Coca Cola(TM) and the Sugary Evil That Is Pepsi(TM) and lets not forget the 7 sinful sugary spoonfuls of F&N(TM). Look at your brother, he's 4 points above normal. And he's fit! It's the family... etc etc...' my mom went on...
*BEEP*
11.4.
'11.4', I said.
'What?!'
'11.4. Sez here. See?'
'Do it again,' says mum. I did, and...
*BEEP*
'11.3'
'The machines broken.'
WTF??!?!? After the long-ass lecture, and with me being only 2 points above normal BS level, she deduced the fact, just like that, that the machines gone kaput.
'I dont trust these machines anyway. The hospital usually gets it right, etc etc...'
'Thats a bit hypocritical, innit?' I said, packing up and disposing of used needles. But then, who am I to argue with such a sweet lady. Heh heh.
But just to clarify, my mums NOT a diabetic. The machine ocasionally spews out inaccurate numbers sometimes, depending on what that person ate a few minutes or hours before doing the test.
Of course, lecture or no, my mum does have a point. I really ought to watch my diet or I just might be the person pissing in my morning cup of coffee. Which is scary because I'm a tea person. Kencing Manis indeed.
*if I recall correctly
What the fuck is this nerd talking about...?
Uh,Okay, beginning to lose you here, but anyways, as I was saying, I was helping my dad configure a few stuff on his shiny new blood sugar level tester thing. It's this little gadget that sucks blood and spews forth numbers that indicate whether or not your blood sugar level qualifies you to piss in your coffee every morning. (I exagerrate. Some people drink tea..)
How this thing works is like this: you prick your finger with the supplied needle which is attached to a pen-like mechanism. It doesnt hurt but the thought a sudden intrusion of needle penetrating skin naturally makes one twitch. When the red stuff begins oozing out, you drop a, uh, droplet of blood on a strip (thats attached to the tester) and that, with the magic of modern techmolagy, calculates your blood sugar level, etc etc, ding: you get your blood sugar level. It's good to know, really. I guess it's one of those things that make you look brainy in conversation, y'know. 'So, I was testing my blood sugar level and as it turns out, im a 7. Whats yours? Oh, you dont know? Most diabetics dont know. You sir, are a dead man.' Then they'd kick me out of the Donut shop...
But I digress.
So that day, as I was helping everyone test out their BS level (fancy way of saying Blood Sugar, innit?), it came then to my moms turn. While I was prepping her for it,
'So what's your BS level?' she asked.
'7.6*' I said, swabbing an alcohol-soaked cotton on her forefinger.
'7.6?' she says.'Thats 2.6 above average!' Uh oh, I thought myself. Here it begins.
And my mum begins to lecture me on how I should stop consuming all manner of fizzy drinks and how I should control my eating habits, etc etc etc...
'Adoi!' she says as I pricked her finger with the needle pen.
'And that would be the needle,' I said, placing the droplet of blood on the machine. As it worked out the sugary math, my mum kept on the lecture on the Deathly Dangers of Coca Cola(TM) and the Sugary Evil That Is Pepsi(TM) and lets not forget the 7 sinful sugary spoonfuls of F&N(TM). Look at your brother, he's 4 points above normal. And he's fit! It's the family... etc etc...' my mom went on...
*BEEP*
11.4.
'11.4', I said.
'What?!'
'11.4. Sez here. See?'
'Do it again,' says mum. I did, and...
*BEEP*
'11.3'
'The machines broken.'
WTF??!?!? After the long-ass lecture, and with me being only 2 points above normal BS level, she deduced the fact, just like that, that the machines gone kaput.
'I dont trust these machines anyway. The hospital usually gets it right, etc etc...'
'Thats a bit hypocritical, innit?' I said, packing up and disposing of used needles. But then, who am I to argue with such a sweet lady. Heh heh.
But just to clarify, my mums NOT a diabetic. The machine ocasionally spews out inaccurate numbers sometimes, depending on what that person ate a few minutes or hours before doing the test.
Of course, lecture or no, my mum does have a point. I really ought to watch my diet or I just might be the person pissing in my morning cup of coffee. Which is scary because I'm a tea person. Kencing Manis indeed.
*if I recall correctly
Monday, January 05, 2009
Selling it (Continued)
"Um... Joe."
"Okay, Umjoe-'
'Uh, Juh..Joe.'
Okay, Jill. I'm not gonna lie to you. You do know that my merchandise is highly illegal and any sort of run in with Police,' I said the word, spitting the Po with a capital spit,' will result in you getting an automatic date with Big Shiny Jim back in the ol' downtown slammer. And I most definitely am not talking about the 'holding-hands-movie-dinner-first base-second base-third base-i think-we-have-a-connection' type of date, if you know what I mean.'
I take a sip of my coffee and stare at his face. I can see he was contemplating the situation. He stared at the table and chewed on his lip.
'Why's he called Big Shiny Jim?'
'He's a pole shiner.'
'His job is a pole shiner?'
'Not if the pole is his and the thing that makes it shine is some poor bastards butthole.'
'Oh.'
'These thing's make you do crazy things, man. I'm not kidding you. You ever heard the story of The Flying Dutchman?'
'Isn't that the Pirate movie w-'
'No its not some fucked up Pirate movie, son! I'm talking about the legend of The Flying Dutchman!' He gave an extremely confused stare. I sighed.
'Okay, so I guess you were busy playing World of Warcrap or whatever. The Flying Dutchman is, was, this guy who got so fucked up, so high, he stole a vehicle, gave the Police the most fucked up chase the state, no, the world has ever known.'
'So why's he called the Flying Dutchman?'
'Well, firstly, he's British. Secondly, well... lets just say the car chase between him and Five-Oh didn't exactly end the way the coppers wanted it to end. The devastation the guy caused was real epic and the way the cops handled the chase wasn't really the best in the world either. 4 of their cars got totalled. Public property was fucked up so bad, the mayor actually cried. Nobody got hurt though.'
'What? But you said that-'
'I know what I said, monkeyboy! Yes, the whole place was smashed up. Only because the bastard somehow got his hands on a fuckin' TANK! I'm not kidding, an actual World War fuck knows, tank! Turns out, the Flying Dutchman was a janitor at some army base that held a few of those machines for some parade. Anyways, God knows how or why he snapped, but all the cops know is, somehow he managed to steal the keys to one of the tanks in there. Here's the funny part. Somehow in his state of near euphoric highness, he'd gone an' managed to actually start the engine, learn to steer and drive the fucking thing!'
I paused, took a sip of my now cold coffee.
'Shi..it...'
'Shit indeed, sonny jim. Shit indeed. He crashed through the wall, ran over the gate and just started plowing ahead towards the city. Now the cops, dumb as you might expect, were kinda confused as to how they'd handle the situation. Long story short, like I said, after plowing through 4 police cruisers, hydrants, bus stops, lawns, 5 shops and other shit, the police managed to stop him by... well... not doing anything much.
'How..?'
'He drove off a bridge and into the river. Now you might think a tank is all muscle with no speed but you're wrong. It's quite fast. So the Flying Dutchman thought that, hey, he's got some speed. Why not try and jump the bridge. Incidentally, the cops'd radioed the bridge keeper so he had to raise bridge to stop the tank from crossing on to the other side. Anyways, dude thinks he's Peter Pan or something and steps on the gas full steam ahead. The tank climbs up the first half of the bridge at whatever breakneck speed, leaps over and hangs up in the air for a microsecond, and totally misses the touchdown on the other half. Poor bastard fell about a hundred feet into the drink.'
'Waitaminit... you said nobody got hurt?'
'He didn't! An hour later, police found him on the shore, laughing his ass off. He'd gone crazy as a batter. Or hatter. Whatever. The long arm of law charged him with driving a tank recklessly without a license and causing widespread damage and finally, locked him up in the crazy house. Open shut case.'
Joe sighed, looked at me in an indifferent look and said, 'Look, thats a crazy story an' all, but I don't want any trouble, alright? Just sell me some and I'll be on my way.'
The waitress, who was walking past our table saw my cup was empty and went on over to fill my cup.
'More coffee-' she said, 'Officer...?' Ah, my cover as drug dealer has been blown by a lady carrying a pot of coffee. I smile inwardly. I don't really care.
'Thanks, but no thanks, Ma'am. Maybe some for my young friend here. He looks a bit pale.'
Kids these days, I thought to myself. Personally, I blame Ashton Kutcher. That fuck.
"Okay, Umjoe-'
'Uh, Juh..Joe.'
Okay, Jill. I'm not gonna lie to you. You do know that my merchandise is highly illegal and any sort of run in with Police,' I said the word, spitting the Po with a capital spit,' will result in you getting an automatic date with Big Shiny Jim back in the ol' downtown slammer. And I most definitely am not talking about the 'holding-hands-movie-dinner-first base-second base-third base-i think-we-have-a-connection' type of date, if you know what I mean.'
I take a sip of my coffee and stare at his face. I can see he was contemplating the situation. He stared at the table and chewed on his lip.
'Why's he called Big Shiny Jim?'
'He's a pole shiner.'
'His job is a pole shiner?'
'Not if the pole is his and the thing that makes it shine is some poor bastards butthole.'
'Oh.'
'These thing's make you do crazy things, man. I'm not kidding you. You ever heard the story of The Flying Dutchman?'
'Isn't that the Pirate movie w-'
'No its not some fucked up Pirate movie, son! I'm talking about the legend of The Flying Dutchman!' He gave an extremely confused stare. I sighed.
'Okay, so I guess you were busy playing World of Warcrap or whatever. The Flying Dutchman is, was, this guy who got so fucked up, so high, he stole a vehicle, gave the Police the most fucked up chase the state, no, the world has ever known.'
'So why's he called the Flying Dutchman?'
'Well, firstly, he's British. Secondly, well... lets just say the car chase between him and Five-Oh didn't exactly end the way the coppers wanted it to end. The devastation the guy caused was real epic and the way the cops handled the chase wasn't really the best in the world either. 4 of their cars got totalled. Public property was fucked up so bad, the mayor actually cried. Nobody got hurt though.'
'What? But you said that-'
'I know what I said, monkeyboy! Yes, the whole place was smashed up. Only because the bastard somehow got his hands on a fuckin' TANK! I'm not kidding, an actual World War fuck knows, tank! Turns out, the Flying Dutchman was a janitor at some army base that held a few of those machines for some parade. Anyways, God knows how or why he snapped, but all the cops know is, somehow he managed to steal the keys to one of the tanks in there. Here's the funny part. Somehow in his state of near euphoric highness, he'd gone an' managed to actually start the engine, learn to steer and drive the fucking thing!'
I paused, took a sip of my now cold coffee.
'Shi..it...'
'Shit indeed, sonny jim. Shit indeed. He crashed through the wall, ran over the gate and just started plowing ahead towards the city. Now the cops, dumb as you might expect, were kinda confused as to how they'd handle the situation. Long story short, like I said, after plowing through 4 police cruisers, hydrants, bus stops, lawns, 5 shops and other shit, the police managed to stop him by... well... not doing anything much.
'How..?'
'He drove off a bridge and into the river. Now you might think a tank is all muscle with no speed but you're wrong. It's quite fast. So the Flying Dutchman thought that, hey, he's got some speed. Why not try and jump the bridge. Incidentally, the cops'd radioed the bridge keeper so he had to raise bridge to stop the tank from crossing on to the other side. Anyways, dude thinks he's Peter Pan or something and steps on the gas full steam ahead. The tank climbs up the first half of the bridge at whatever breakneck speed, leaps over and hangs up in the air for a microsecond, and totally misses the touchdown on the other half. Poor bastard fell about a hundred feet into the drink.'
'Waitaminit... you said nobody got hurt?'
'He didn't! An hour later, police found him on the shore, laughing his ass off. He'd gone crazy as a batter. Or hatter. Whatever. The long arm of law charged him with driving a tank recklessly without a license and causing widespread damage and finally, locked him up in the crazy house. Open shut case.'
Joe sighed, looked at me in an indifferent look and said, 'Look, thats a crazy story an' all, but I don't want any trouble, alright? Just sell me some and I'll be on my way.'
The waitress, who was walking past our table saw my cup was empty and went on over to fill my cup.
'More coffee-' she said, 'Officer...?' Ah, my cover as drug dealer has been blown by a lady carrying a pot of coffee. I smile inwardly. I don't really care.
'Thanks, but no thanks, Ma'am. Maybe some for my young friend here. He looks a bit pale.'
Kids these days, I thought to myself. Personally, I blame Ashton Kutcher. That fuck.
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