King

In the old days, it's always good to have a king with a sense of humour. "Guards, take this traitor away. Execute him. THEN torture him." Then the peasants would laugh. Until he says, "Just kidding. Burn the whole village down."

Oh, you king you.

The deleted fb reply.

Sometimes I don't have the heart to mess up the comments section of a friends facebook page. So I'll just post 'em up here.

"Beauty comes in all sizes..k..bye.."

I'm pretty sure the Beast came in Beauty.

Heh.

Thor.

On a telephone conversation with Jep:

Jep: Kau tengok cite apa?

Me: Thor.

Jep: Apa?

Me: Thor.

Jep: Cite apa?

Me: Thor.

Jep: Weh, tak dengar la, dalam bm! Dalam bm!

Me: Thur.

How the hell do you Bahasa-ify Thor? Well, now you know.

My Shorts #2

Stationery

Stapler was angry. No, he was mad! There was no doubt about it. Nobody messes with my stuff and get away with it, he bellowed.

Paper and Post-It sniggered in the drawer. They just loved screwing about with staplers stuff, just for the lulz. It can get pretty boring, the office being, well, an office.

He'll never find us here, Post-It giggled.

Shh. Yeah. Hee hee, Paper said.

Suddenly the drawer rocked. And they saw, through the glow of fluorescent light, the silhouette of Stapler- his shadow a foreboding presence- with the glint of what could be described as shimmering anger.

Hey, man! Post-It said. We-.. we wuz just kidding around! Chill!

Stapler inched closer. Silent. Deadly.

Paper stepped up, drawing on his full A4 height, hoping this would cower staplers rage. It had worked before...

Keep it together, man! said Paper.

I'll keep YOU together, Stapler roared.

SHA-CLICK!

My Shorts #1

The Caveman.

Bob was a different type of caveman. He questioned everything. When the elders of his tribe said they must gather food for the coming winter, he questioned that. When the elders decided to shift camp to a more suitable spot with more game and more fertile ground, he questioned that too. Which is why he wasn't very popular with the higher-ups or with the other tribes-people.

So one night, under the cover of darkness and moonlight, the council of elders had a meeting. He's a jackass, they agreed. Let's just leave him the next time we shift camp, they agreed. It is agreed. We move tomorrow at dawn!

And so they did.

That afternoon, he awoke to an empty camp. What was this nailed to his chest? We left your ass. Fuck you. Sincerely, Ug, secratary, Council of Elders.

As he lay dying on the ground from blood loss, he thought to himself, Those fuckin' bastards, why didn't they wake me...

Testing. Using a mobile device. Wow!

Hello. Hi. Im just testing shit using my trusty nokia e71. Because my htc died on me. Nuts. Thats about it. Goodbye.

Arab chicks - MonoStereotyping.

So I was chatting with Jep and he said he was sposed to go on a group photoshoot with some arab chick as the model. But the whole thing got cancelled. "Arab chick models?" I said. "They're good [to shoot] for 2 things. Their eyes. And their moustaches."

And then we laughed a sad laugh... because lets face it, none of us are even gonna date a hot arab chick. Moustache or no.

Untitled

Next month marks a full year of non-blogging. What are my comments on that?

"I'm awesome like that."

[after this post, the writer switched off his computer, turned off the lights and fan and went to bed.]

Hello

I'd post something, but I'm sleepy.