Bikes vs Cars

I'd just come back from work. My housemate was at home and somehow, some argument came up on how unfair it was that I'm living so close to my workplace and how I, as a bike rider, can snake my way past jams and the occasional red light. Really, I had no part in instigating that argument, honest!!! Okay, maybe not all of it. Okay,most of it.. sheesh. (Pergh! Best siak tempat keje aku ni. Dekat pon dekat. Pastu kalau naik moto, ilekkkk jek. Boley selit menyelit. Pergh... best nye. Bestnye.)

'OH YEAH?! Well, at least, when it rains, I gots no problem at NOT getting wet!' he says.

'Oh, come on. It's not like it rains everyday! Traffic, on the other hand, are on 24/7. Cars suck. Bikes rule,' I retorted. Triumph was in the air. And no, aint talking bout the ladies undergarments.

'Yeah? Well, if and when it rains, you'll get soaked. When you get soaked, you'll get sick. If you get sick, thats when I'll have the last laugh. Har har. Har de har har. Thats right. Har.

'Right. Well, you gotta understand something as well,' I said. 'When theres traffic jams, you'll be late. When you're late, you get pissed. Following that, you'll call your German boss a Nazi bastard. You'll get fired. You'll get evicted because I sure as hell aint living with a jobless bum. You'll live on the streets. Your friends and family'll desert you. You'll have to live under a bridge with nothing but a rented cardboard box from Crazy Eyes Majid. People wont respect you and WILL beat you up for shits and giggles. You'll finally contemplate ending you life by jumping in the river. But you probably wont because you can't swim. In the end, you'll come back crawling to me an' apologizing how right I was that bikes rule and cars suck. Who'll be having the last laugh now, huh?! Kah kah kah. Kah de kah kah! Thats right. Kah. Fool. With a capital K.'

'Haha. Bodo.'

The Walking Dead walketh again!

Yeap, like the title sez, I've finally gotten my mitts on the the last 4 (currently) issues of The Walking Dead. But I nearly didnt.

I went over to Borders Berjaya Megamall yesterday, seeing as that Borders The Curve was out of volume #4. Weird thing was, they had #'s 5 onwards. Sengaja nak suruh aku jalan jauh beli. Kemak.

I nearly ran and dropkicked the security guard in the face when I saw the last copy of volume 4 and several 5's! Some 6's and a single 7.

So there I was at the counter, with issues 4 & 5 NOT knowing the fact that Borders was having an end of the year sale where if you buy 2 books you'll get a 15% discount on both books. Sengaja taknak bagi tau sama aku. Kemak.

I paid and left Borders and was nearly out of Berjaya Megamall when suddenly

Psst.

...

Psst!!!

...

Checkout the short shorts on that chick on your left!

Hm?!?!

Perv. Now that I have your attention, you do know that Borders' having a sale right?

Hmm.

If you buy 2 books, you'll get a 15% discount right?

Hm.

And the cashier (and several thousand buntings and posters pasted around the store. How the heck did you miss those?!) DID say that the sale is till the 1st of Jan, right?

Hmm...

And you ARE going to continue buying the 'Walking Dead', right?!

Hmm.

And the offer aint valid after the 1st, kan? Kan?

Hm..?

Then WHAT THE FUCKS STOPPING YOU FROM BUYING #'s 6 & 7 ?! Beli je ah sementara stock masih ada and got discount, ngok!

And with a sheepish grin, I went, took up 2 more volumes and paid. Cost me RM152.64 all in all, but it was worth it. Really. Sometimes, the voice in my head does make valid points, from time to time.

p.s: fuck Marvel Zombies. Read the browsers copy. It sucks. Its off my to buy list.

Noting to post but...

Ahmed's last prank.
(pic taken from inside plane during germany trip.)

Peperangan dunia Z.

Finally, this flippin' awesome book came out in softcover. Been waiting for ages for those bastards at Times One Utama to gimme a call on the availability of it (they had the hardcover. It'll be a cold day in Yong Peng before I'd buy an RM90 book.) But nooooo.... they decided that it'd be funnier to NOT call me, even though I DIDN'T even give them a fake phone number. Rude.

So I says, fuck them. I'll go and buys it myself from another shop thats NOT Times One Utama! Thats right, bitches! Youse peoples aint gonna get a taste of the sweet,sweet cash from my wallet, y'hear? Dengo tak, bodo?

I went and bought it at Times Pavilion.

To put it in a nutshell- though for the life of me I have no idea why I'm actually describing this book seeing as that you beyotches aint actually gonna put down that plate of goreng pisang, run out of the house and head for your nearest bookstore naked. Also, why the fuck would you eat your plate of goreng pisang naked is just plain disgusting. You disgust me. Unless you're hot. Then its awesome. Please send pics- this book is about the shit that went down in a world thats suffered a fullscale Zombie outbreak.

Thats right. The Walking Dead. Flesh Eating Corpses. Braindead humans. Politicians.

But the different thing about this is book is that it's an Oral History of the Zombie War. I dont know what dentistry's got to do with this sort of war, but I guess the author isn't a complete dumb ass, so I'd guess he knows his stuff.

Wait a minute, I'm beginning to see a pattern...

Bad Oral Hygiene = Crazy Dirty Smelly Mouth. Bitten By Crazy Dirty Smelly Mouth = Turned Into A Zombie. Being An Undead = Not cool.

Heh, thank god I wasnt bitten by the Smelly mouth dude. (See previous post.)

But seriously, it's a good read. I've only read the first few pages and indeed, its exactly like what the reviewers said; its like Mad Max meets The Hot Zone. (Though I might add its like Mad Max meets The Hot Zone and Melodi from TV3. Melodi supplies the braindead idiots part of the whole thing. Go figure.)

Well, anyhoot, all this talk about flesh eating people is making me hungry. Getting my 'Za on. MMMmmmrahhrrr...peperoni....

p.s: on my to-buy list :

Oh, and yeah. The Walking Dead issues 4 upwards.

Dinner

So yesterday I went to this dinner over at Mandarin Oriental, where my company was invited over to some awards ceremony for management accountants. It was awesome!!!

I joke. It sucked.

Seeing as that it was all formal-like, we actually had to dress up for the whole thing. No, not just slapping on a pair of dirty jeans, a green tshirt with a logo of UPS (heh heh. I laugh because I know why its funny. And you dont. Oh, feeling left out now huh? Tough.) on it and a pair of dirty shoes.

Like I said, we had to dress-up all smart like. Those bastards! And to top it all off, I had to borrow my housemate's work shoes, because mine werent appropriate enough with how I was suited up. (Imagine black shiny slacks with dirty Timberlands.)

'Twas kinda awkward for me because I usually poke fun at his insanely smelly feet.

'Dude, I can't believe I'm asking you this but... can I borrow your shoes?'

'Ohooooo!!! You make fun of my (smelly) feet and now, you want to borrow my shoes?! Oh how the mighty've fallen! Look at me, I have not-so-smelly-feet and I always make fun of Adi who has smelly feet that can kill people! But now I have to borrow Adi's shoes because-'

'Just gimme the damn shoes.'

'Ok.'

Stupid dinner.

Busok.

It was raya time, and I went back to JB Because, lets face it, its Raya Time, baybeh! (yes, this post is that late. heh.) Anyhoot, as per customary, me and my cousins hung out the local cybercafe for our usual game of DOTA. From 10pm till late. Which pisses my mum off.

Now, the thing about dota is, its pretty much a no brainer game. Unless you're an idiot. But things can get a bit on the crappy side if you happen upon a few hardware glitches, like, say, your mouse acting all messed up and refuse to NOT be a little son of a bitch and move the damn cursor like its fuckin' supposed to.

Also, sometimes, you get the occasional keyboard button not working and the rare random reboot, resulting in having the game restarted because one of your teamates got unlucky and had his pc reboot for no reason whatsofuckingever!

These problems generally result in your team losing badly (or you having to forfeit the game) that its not even funny. Theres the other losing factor that maybe, just maybe, your teamates suck worse than a blind man entering a three legged race with a guy with no legs. I dont know.

However, there are... other reasons.

Me and my team got our assigned pc's and I had the luck of sitting on the furthest end next to this dude. All was well, and I was playing like I never played before (not sucking. too much.) when suddenly, IT came.

Out of nowhere, like the invisible demon that it was, it crept up, surrounding me, going through my soul and psyche like an evil force that was Not.Of.This.World!!! Probably from Segamat.

The neighbouring dude had bad breath.

Wait. I wish to correct myself. Bad is something that you say when somethings not good, like, say, a bad exam result; or a bad piece of chicken looks good but tastes like fried taugeh (I hate taugeh); or bad as in you're playing Street Fighter on the PS2 and your housemate kicks your butt over and over and over again and you silently take revenge by sneaking into his room and let one rip on his sleeping pillow when he's watching tv in the living room...

I have said too much.

But understand this: What I had experienced nasally was not a mere BAD breath. This breath, had no name because the name would probably crack and turn to dust if ever it were to be assigned to that smelly entity. This is the kind of breath that took the advanced degree at its university. The kind that would get chased by other breaths with pitchforks and flaming torches and get thrown in the face with Oral-B Toothbrushes, cartons of Fresh Mint Listerine and Industrial Anti-Septic cleaners!

It was that bad.

For hours I endured this barrage of nasal chemical warfare, not being able to concentrate on the game at hand. At times, I nearly gagged. Occasionally, I had to drape my collar up to my nose so that it could filter out the gunky air particles. It didnt stay on for long. It was as if my collar was made limp from the sheer terror and couldnt hang on to my face. The worse part of the ordeal came when the guy sneezed!!! Oh God! I'd type out the whole sordid experience, but kids might be reading this.

Several question raced through my fogged mind- Why didnt he breath like a normal person would. Ie: Through the nasal passages?

Why does he not realize that his mouth smells like the inside of an ass?

Okay, that was 2 questions but still... WHY?!

Finally, after a few hours, salvation! I dont know if the antics of me draping my shirt over my face did the trick or because it was just his time to go home. He left. A burden had been lifted off my shoulders. And if my nose had shoulders, it'd be lifted off 'em as well. But the outcome was not pretty. We had lost the game... and everyone wondered why I didnt perform as well as before. And I think my nose went numb for a few days.

I had endured hell and survived to tell this tale. Who the guy was, I will never know. But one thing is for certain in the tragic tale of smellyness: I will never be the same again. This type of things scar you for life, siak!! Gile busok ah! Siolla...!

p.s: Whatever exagerrations above also applies to my housemates feet. By default, this applies to his socks and shoes as well. Not that I go about shoving my nose on these things, but these type of things waft, dammit!!! And it wafts like nobody's business. Dude, I've said this before and I'll say it again: you need a foot transplant, bitch!