I'd just come back from work. My housemate was at home and somehow, some argument came up on how unfair it was that I'm living so close to my workplace and how I, as a bike rider, can snake my way past jams and the occasional red light. Really, I had no part in instigating that argument, honest!!! Okay, maybe not all of it. Okay,most of it.. sheesh. (Pergh! Best siak tempat keje aku ni. Dekat pon dekat. Pastu kalau naik moto, ilekkkk jek. Boley selit menyelit. Pergh... best nye. Bestnye.)
'OH YEAH?! Well, at least, when it rains, I gots no problem at NOT getting wet!' he says.
'Oh, come on. It's not like it rains everyday! Traffic, on the other hand, are on 24/7. Cars suck. Bikes rule,' I retorted. Triumph was in the air. And no, aint talking bout the ladies undergarments.
'Yeah? Well, if and when it rains, you'll get soaked. When you get soaked, you'll get sick. If you get sick, thats when I'll have the last laugh. Har har. Har de har har. Thats right. Har.
'Right. Well, you gotta understand something as well,' I said. 'When theres traffic jams, you'll be late. When you're late, you get pissed. Following that, you'll call your German boss a Nazi bastard. You'll get fired. You'll get evicted because I sure as hell aint living with a jobless bum. You'll live on the streets. Your friends and family'll desert you. You'll have to live under a bridge with nothing but a rented cardboard box from Crazy Eyes Majid. People wont respect you and WILL beat you up for shits and giggles. You'll finally contemplate ending you life by jumping in the river. But you probably wont because you can't swim. In the end, you'll come back crawling to me an' apologizing how right I was that bikes rule and cars suck. Who'll be having the last laugh now, huh?! Kah kah kah. Kah de kah kah! Thats right. Kah. Fool. With a capital K.'
'Haha. Bodo.'
Monday, December 31, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
The Walking Dead walketh again!
Yeap, like the title sez, I've finally gotten my mitts on the the last 4 (currently) issues of The Walking Dead. But I nearly didnt.
I went over to Borders Berjaya Megamall yesterday, seeing as that Borders The Curve was out of volume #4. Weird thing was, they had #'s 5 onwards. Sengaja nak suruh aku jalan jauh beli. Kemak.
I nearly ran and dropkicked the security guard in the face when I saw the last copy of volume 4 and several 5's! Some 6's and a single 7.
So there I was at the counter, with issues 4 & 5 NOT knowing the fact that Borders was having an end of the year sale where if you buy 2 books you'll get a 15% discount on both books. Sengaja taknak bagi tau sama aku. Kemak.
I paid and left Borders and was nearly out of Berjaya Megamall when suddenly
Psst.
...
Psst!!!
...
Checkout the short shorts on that chick on your left!
Hm?!?!
Perv. Now that I have your attention, you do know that Borders' having a sale right?
Hmm.
If you buy 2 books, you'll get a 15% discount right?
Hm.
And the cashier (and several thousand buntings and posters pasted around the store. How the heck did you miss those?!) DID say that the sale is till the 1st of Jan, right?
Hmm...
And you ARE going to continue buying the 'Walking Dead', right?!
Hmm.
And the offer aint valid after the 1st, kan? Kan?
Hm..?
Then WHAT THE FUCKS STOPPING YOU FROM BUYING #'s 6 & 7 ?! Beli je ah sementara stock masih ada and got discount, ngok!
And with a sheepish grin, I went, took up 2 more volumes and paid. Cost me RM152.64 all in all, but it was worth it. Really. Sometimes, the voice in my head does make valid points, from time to time.
p.s: fuck Marvel Zombies. Read the browsers copy. It sucks. Its off my to buy list.
I went over to Borders Berjaya Megamall yesterday, seeing as that Borders The Curve was out of volume #4. Weird thing was, they had #'s 5 onwards. Sengaja nak suruh aku jalan jauh beli. Kemak.
I nearly ran and dropkicked the security guard in the face when I saw the last copy of volume 4 and several 5's! Some 6's and a single 7.
So there I was at the counter, with issues 4 & 5 NOT knowing the fact that Borders was having an end of the year sale where if you buy 2 books you'll get a 15% discount on both books. Sengaja taknak bagi tau sama aku. Kemak.
I paid and left Borders and was nearly out of Berjaya Megamall when suddenly
Psst.
...
Psst!!!
...
Checkout the short shorts on that chick on your left!
Hm?!?!
Perv. Now that I have your attention, you do know that Borders' having a sale right?
Hmm.
If you buy 2 books, you'll get a 15% discount right?
Hm.
And the cashier (and several thousand buntings and posters pasted around the store. How the heck did you miss those?!) DID say that the sale is till the 1st of Jan, right?
Hmm...
And you ARE going to continue buying the 'Walking Dead', right?!
Hmm.
And the offer aint valid after the 1st, kan? Kan?
Hm..?
Then WHAT THE FUCKS STOPPING YOU FROM BUYING #'s 6 & 7 ?! Beli je ah sementara stock masih ada and got discount, ngok!
And with a sheepish grin, I went, took up 2 more volumes and paid. Cost me RM152.64 all in all, but it was worth it. Really. Sometimes, the voice in my head does make valid points, from time to time.
p.s: fuck Marvel Zombies. Read the browsers copy. It sucks. Its off my to buy list.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Peperangan dunia Z.
Finally, this flippin' awesome book came out in softcover. Been waiting for ages for those bastards at Times One Utama to gimme a call on the availability of it (they had the hardcover. It'll be a cold day in Yong Peng before I'd buy an RM90 book.) But nooooo.... they decided that it'd be funnier to NOT call me, even though I DIDN'T even give them a fake phone number. Rude.So I says, fuck them. I'll go and buys it myself from another shop thats NOT Times One Utama! Thats right, bitches! Youse peoples aint gonna get a taste of the sweet,sweet cash from my wallet, y'hear? Dengo tak, bodo?
I went and bought it at Times Pavilion.
To put it in a nutshell- though for the life of me I have no idea why I'm actually describing this book seeing as that you beyotches aint actually gonna put down that plate of goreng pisang, run out of the house and head for your nearest bookstore naked. Also, why the fuck would you eat your plate of goreng pisang naked is just plain disgusting. You disgust me. Unless you're hot. Then its awesome. Please send pics- this book is about the shit that went down in a world thats suffered a fullscale Zombie outbreak.
Thats right. The Walking Dead. Flesh Eating Corpses. Braindead humans. Politicians.
But the different thing about this is book is that it's an Oral History of the Zombie War. I dont know what dentistry's got to do with this sort of war, but I guess the author isn't a complete dumb ass, so I'd guess he knows his stuff.
Wait a minute, I'm beginning to see a pattern...
Bad Oral Hygiene = Crazy Dirty Smelly Mouth. Bitten By Crazy Dirty Smelly Mouth = Turned Into A Zombie. Being An Undead = Not cool.
Heh, thank god I wasnt bitten by the Smelly mouth dude. (See previous post.)
But seriously, it's a good read. I've only read the first few pages and indeed, its exactly like what the reviewers said; its like Mad Max meets The Hot Zone. (Though I might add its like Mad Max meets The Hot Zone and Melodi from TV3. Melodi supplies the braindead idiots part of the whole thing. Go figure.)
Well, anyhoot, all this talk about flesh eating people is making me hungry. Getting my 'Za on. MMMmmmrahhrrr...peperoni....
p.s: on my to-buy list :
Oh, and yeah. The Walking Dead issues 4 upwards.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Dinner
So yesterday I went to this dinner over at Mandarin Oriental, where my company was invited over to some awards ceremony for management accountants. It was awesome!!!
I joke. It sucked.
Seeing as that it was all formal-like, we actually had to dress up for the whole thing. No, not just slapping on a pair of dirty jeans, a green tshirt with a logo of UPS (heh heh. I laugh because I know why its funny. And you dont. Oh, feeling left out now huh? Tough.) on it and a pair of dirty shoes.
Like I said, we had to dress-up all smart like. Those bastards! And to top it all off, I had to borrow my housemate's work shoes, because mine werent appropriate enough with how I was suited up. (Imagine black shiny slacks with dirty Timberlands.)
'Twas kinda awkward for me because I usually poke fun at his insanely smelly feet.
'Dude, I can't believe I'm asking you this but... can I borrow your shoes?'
'Ohooooo!!! You make fun of my (smelly) feet and now, you want to borrow my shoes?! Oh how the mighty've fallen! Look at me, I have not-so-smelly-feet and I always make fun of Adi who has smelly feet that can kill people! But now I have to borrow Adi's shoes because-'
'Just gimme the damn shoes.'
'Ok.'
Stupid dinner.
I joke. It sucked.
Seeing as that it was all formal-like, we actually had to dress up for the whole thing. No, not just slapping on a pair of dirty jeans, a green tshirt with a logo of UPS (heh heh. I laugh because I know why its funny. And you dont. Oh, feeling left out now huh? Tough.) on it and a pair of dirty shoes.
Like I said, we had to dress-up all smart like. Those bastards! And to top it all off, I had to borrow my housemate's work shoes, because mine werent appropriate enough with how I was suited up. (Imagine black shiny slacks with dirty Timberlands.)
'Twas kinda awkward for me because I usually poke fun at his insanely smelly feet.
'Dude, I can't believe I'm asking you this but... can I borrow your shoes?'
'Ohooooo!!! You make fun of my (smelly) feet and now, you want to borrow my shoes?! Oh how the mighty've fallen! Look at me, I have not-so-smelly-feet and I always make fun of Adi who has smelly feet that can kill people! But now I have to borrow Adi's shoes because-'
'Just gimme the damn shoes.'
'Ok.'
Stupid dinner.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Busok.
It was raya time, and I went back to JB Because, lets face it, its Raya Time, baybeh! (yes, this post is that late. heh.) Anyhoot, as per customary, me and my cousins hung out the local cybercafe for our usual game of DOTA. From 10pm till late. Which pisses my mum off.
Now, the thing about dota is, its pretty much a no brainer game. Unless you're an idiot. But things can get a bit on the crappy side if you happen upon a few hardware glitches, like, say, your mouse acting all messed up and refuse to NOT be a little son of a bitch and move the damn cursor like its fuckin' supposed to.
Also, sometimes, you get the occasional keyboard button not working and the rare random reboot, resulting in having the game restarted because one of your teamates got unlucky and had his pc reboot for no reason whatsofuckingever!
These problems generally result in your team losing badly (or you having to forfeit the game) that its not even funny. Theres the other losing factor that maybe, just maybe, your teamates suck worse than a blind man entering a three legged race with a guy with no legs. I dont know.
However, there are... other reasons.
Me and my team got our assigned pc's and I had the luck of sitting on the furthest end next to this dude. All was well, and I was playing like I never played before (not sucking. too much.) when suddenly, IT came.
Out of nowhere, like the invisible demon that it was, it crept up, surrounding me, going through my soul and psyche like an evil force that was Not.Of.This.World!!! Probably from Segamat.
The neighbouring dude had bad breath.
Wait. I wish to correct myself. Bad is something that you say when somethings not good, like, say, a bad exam result; or a bad piece of chicken looks good but tastes like fried taugeh (I hate taugeh); or bad as in you're playing Street Fighter on the PS2 and your housemate kicks your butt over and over and over again and you silently take revenge by sneaking into his room and let one rip on his sleeping pillow when he's watching tv in the living room...
I have said too much.
But understand this: What I had experienced nasally was not a mere BAD breath. This breath, had no name because the name would probably crack and turn to dust if ever it were to be assigned to that smelly entity. This is the kind of breath that took the advanced degree at its university. The kind that would get chased by other breaths with pitchforks and flaming torches and get thrown in the face with Oral-B Toothbrushes, cartons of Fresh Mint Listerine and Industrial Anti-Septic cleaners!
It was that bad.
For hours I endured this barrage of nasal chemical warfare, not being able to concentrate on the game at hand. At times, I nearly gagged. Occasionally, I had to drape my collar up to my nose so that it could filter out the gunky air particles. It didnt stay on for long. It was as if my collar was made limp from the sheer terror and couldnt hang on to my face. The worse part of the ordeal came when the guy sneezed!!! Oh God! I'd type out the whole sordid experience, but kids might be reading this.
Several question raced through my fogged mind- Why didnt he breath like a normal person would. Ie: Through the nasal passages?
Why does he not realize that his mouth smells like the inside of an ass?
Okay, that was 2 questions but still... WHY?!
Finally, after a few hours, salvation! I dont know if the antics of me draping my shirt over my face did the trick or because it was just his time to go home. He left. A burden had been lifted off my shoulders. And if my nose had shoulders, it'd be lifted off 'em as well. But the outcome was not pretty. We had lost the game... and everyone wondered why I didnt perform as well as before. And I think my nose went numb for a few days.
I had endured hell and survived to tell this tale. Who the guy was, I will never know. But one thing is for certain in the tragic tale of smellyness: I will never be the same again. This type of things scar you for life, siak!! Gile busok ah! Siolla...!
p.s: Whatever exagerrations above also applies to my housemates feet. By default, this applies to his socks and shoes as well. Not that I go about shoving my nose on these things, but these type of things waft, dammit!!! And it wafts like nobody's business. Dude, I've said this before and I'll say it again: you need a foot transplant, bitch!
Now, the thing about dota is, its pretty much a no brainer game. Unless you're an idiot. But things can get a bit on the crappy side if you happen upon a few hardware glitches, like, say, your mouse acting all messed up and refuse to NOT be a little son of a bitch and move the damn cursor like its fuckin' supposed to.
Also, sometimes, you get the occasional keyboard button not working and the rare random reboot, resulting in having the game restarted because one of your teamates got unlucky and had his pc reboot for no reason whatsofuckingever!
These problems generally result in your team losing badly (or you having to forfeit the game) that its not even funny. Theres the other losing factor that maybe, just maybe, your teamates suck worse than a blind man entering a three legged race with a guy with no legs. I dont know.
However, there are... other reasons.
Me and my team got our assigned pc's and I had the luck of sitting on the furthest end next to this dude. All was well, and I was playing like I never played before (not sucking. too much.) when suddenly, IT came.
Out of nowhere, like the invisible demon that it was, it crept up, surrounding me, going through my soul and psyche like an evil force that was Not.Of.This.World!!! Probably from Segamat.
The neighbouring dude had bad breath.
Wait. I wish to correct myself. Bad is something that you say when somethings not good, like, say, a bad exam result; or a bad piece of chicken looks good but tastes like fried taugeh (I hate taugeh); or bad as in you're playing Street Fighter on the PS2 and your housemate kicks your butt over and over and over again and you silently take revenge by sneaking into his room and let one rip on his sleeping pillow when he's watching tv in the living room...
I have said too much.
But understand this: What I had experienced nasally was not a mere BAD breath. This breath, had no name because the name would probably crack and turn to dust if ever it were to be assigned to that smelly entity. This is the kind of breath that took the advanced degree at its university. The kind that would get chased by other breaths with pitchforks and flaming torches and get thrown in the face with Oral-B Toothbrushes, cartons of Fresh Mint Listerine and Industrial Anti-Septic cleaners!
It was that bad.
For hours I endured this barrage of nasal chemical warfare, not being able to concentrate on the game at hand. At times, I nearly gagged. Occasionally, I had to drape my collar up to my nose so that it could filter out the gunky air particles. It didnt stay on for long. It was as if my collar was made limp from the sheer terror and couldnt hang on to my face. The worse part of the ordeal came when the guy sneezed!!! Oh God! I'd type out the whole sordid experience, but kids might be reading this.
Several question raced through my fogged mind- Why didnt he breath like a normal person would. Ie: Through the nasal passages?
Why does he not realize that his mouth smells like the inside of an ass?
Okay, that was 2 questions but still... WHY?!
Finally, after a few hours, salvation! I dont know if the antics of me draping my shirt over my face did the trick or because it was just his time to go home. He left. A burden had been lifted off my shoulders. And if my nose had shoulders, it'd be lifted off 'em as well. But the outcome was not pretty. We had lost the game... and everyone wondered why I didnt perform as well as before. And I think my nose went numb for a few days.
I had endured hell and survived to tell this tale. Who the guy was, I will never know. But one thing is for certain in the tragic tale of smellyness: I will never be the same again. This type of things scar you for life, siak!! Gile busok ah! Siolla...!
p.s: Whatever exagerrations above also applies to my housemates feet. By default, this applies to his socks and shoes as well. Not that I go about shoving my nose on these things, but these type of things waft, dammit!!! And it wafts like nobody's business. Dude, I've said this before and I'll say it again: you need a foot transplant, bitch!
Friday, November 30, 2007
Yay!
New-ish fridge alert!!! i gots a new fridge, bitch! thats right! my food is colder than your food! so there.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Nothing.
I have two eyes that see what I want to see, two ears to hear what I want to hear, a nose that smells what I want to smell, two hands to hold what I want to hold and two legs to dropkick you in the FACE!!!!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Heroes? What Heroes?
Heroes. The show about people with extraordinary powers and being extremely dumb about it. Everyone knows about it,right?
I mean,come on,its like one of the hottest show on tv right now and its being swapped like crazy on the net like free japanese porn in a highschool toilet! Even my twin nieces know about it! (About Heroes la weh! Not highschool porn in a japanese toilet!)
Right.
Now that ive established the fact that heroes is a super well-known show right now, im about to tell you about a conversation i had with this chick.
Man, was she was about as clueless as a roll of toilet paper thats accidently wandered in a malay toilet...
Me: Weh! Heroes season baru dah keluar. Have you seen it?
Chick: What? Heroes... which one, eh? Theres a lot, isnt it...?
Me: Er, What? Heroes... its-
Chick: Oh, is it that game show-?
Me: Er,no. Its a drama series about people with powers? Have u seen it..?
Chick: Oh ya ya!
Me: Ahaa! Well ive downloaded it an-
Chick: Its that chinese game show right?!
Me: Er, ah. No... Okay, Im gonna be over there in the mini-kitchen mkaaay...? Kbye.
I mean,come on,its like one of the hottest show on tv right now and its being swapped like crazy on the net like free japanese porn in a highschool toilet! Even my twin nieces know about it! (About Heroes la weh! Not highschool porn in a japanese toilet!)
Right.
Now that ive established the fact that heroes is a super well-known show right now, im about to tell you about a conversation i had with this chick.
Man, was she was about as clueless as a roll of toilet paper thats accidently wandered in a malay toilet...
Me: Weh! Heroes season baru dah keluar. Have you seen it?
Chick: What? Heroes... which one, eh? Theres a lot, isnt it...?
Me: Er, What? Heroes... its-
Chick: Oh, is it that game show-?
Me: Er,no. Its a drama series about people with powers? Have u seen it..?
Chick: Oh ya ya!
Me: Ahaa! Well ive downloaded it an-
Chick: Its that chinese game show right?!
Me: Er, ah. No... Okay, Im gonna be over there in the mini-kitchen mkaaay...? Kbye.
Good news, Bad news.
me:
weh
i got good news and bad news.
Adi Kurus:
amendenye?
me:
which one first?
Adi Kurus:
badnews
me:
badnews: kau kena beli kari.
Adi Kurus:
goodnews?
me:
goodnews: aku ada roti arab banyak gile. enough for 2 days maybe.
Adi Kurus:
haaha
but no place to keep it
kau dapat dari mane?
me:
photoshoot tadi. spare.
tebal gile satu roti.
Adi Kurus:
hahaha
malam ni bole makan
and bole bawak gi rumah ashim
me:
haha. i doubt it.
Adi Kurus:
hahahahahah
me:
anyway, the question now is..
kau nak sahur apa malam kang?
aku makan roti..
Adi Kurus:
roti tu la
beli kari kat khalifah
me:
cara kau cakap tu macam aku nak kongsi je roti tu ngan kau
i never said it was good news for the both of us!
Adi Kurus:
oooo o okok kok
takpe
aku dah kena trap
takpe
takpe
me:
wargkhakhakahkahkahakhaka!!!
p.s: wargkhakhakhakahkahkahkahka!!
(Oh, shut up. Of course I'll be sharing. Theres enough bread to feed 5 Janet Jacksons. Eh, silap. Peter Jacksons. Wait, maybe 1.5 Peter Jacksons..? He is kinda tall. Horizontally.)
weh
i got good news and bad news.
Adi Kurus:
amendenye?
me:
which one first?
Adi Kurus:
badnews
me:
badnews: kau kena beli kari.
Adi Kurus:
goodnews?
me:
goodnews: aku ada roti arab banyak gile. enough for 2 days maybe.
Adi Kurus:
haaha
but no place to keep it
kau dapat dari mane?
me:
photoshoot tadi. spare.
tebal gile satu roti.
Adi Kurus:
hahaha
malam ni bole makan
and bole bawak gi rumah ashim
me:
haha. i doubt it.
Adi Kurus:
hahahahahah
me:
anyway, the question now is..
kau nak sahur apa malam kang?
aku makan roti..
Adi Kurus:
roti tu la
beli kari kat khalifah
me:
cara kau cakap tu macam aku nak kongsi je roti tu ngan kau
i never said it was good news for the both of us!
Adi Kurus:
oooo o okok kok
takpe
aku dah kena trap
takpe
takpe
me:
wargkhakhakahkahkahakhaka!!!
p.s: wargkhakhakhakahkahkahkahka!!
(Oh, shut up. Of course I'll be sharing. Theres enough bread to feed 5 Janet Jacksons. Eh, silap. Peter Jacksons. Wait, maybe 1.5 Peter Jacksons..? He is kinda tall. Horizontally.)
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
I've been pranked!
Well, nothing major really. The other day we were mucking about with a Mac laptop that had a face distorting program and other plugins. Which produced images like this:
Beautiful, no? This is what you'd prolly get if Spongbob and Patrick had kids. Heh.
So one day, the bastards from 'downstairs', decided that, whilst I'm away from the office for a bit, it'd be funny to paste up the whole office with this picture captioned with words that would make a camel blush! Thats right, BLUSH! Okay, I'm exagerrating. The camel'd prolly be like, 'Ini apa kejadah ni, haram jadah!' or something.
So there I was, walking up the stairs to my office after Friday prayers, thinking what a lovely Friday sermon it was about Ramadhan and such. Until I reached the door, one of these, these... things... were pasted!
'What the Fu-?!' I said. I went in and discovered there were 18 of these, these... things all pasted nicely with bastardly cello-tape! Cello-tape, I say! They even pasted one in my cup! The cads...! IS THERE NOTHING SACRED TO THESE PEOPLE?!
But the (Mac) software's pretty cool tho. We spent a good part of the day posing in front of the camera and producing retarded pictures like these:
Distortion an' shit.
Comicbook effect.
Black and white. This is when we thought that it'd be cool to pose in a rock-band-albumcover sorta way. For about 30 seconds.
Of course, I saved the best for last. Bwahahaha!!!!
Beautiful, no? This is what you'd prolly get if Spongbob and Patrick had kids. Heh.So one day, the bastards from 'downstairs', decided that, whilst I'm away from the office for a bit, it'd be funny to paste up the whole office with this picture captioned with words that would make a camel blush! Thats right, BLUSH! Okay, I'm exagerrating. The camel'd prolly be like, 'Ini apa kejadah ni, haram jadah!' or something.
So there I was, walking up the stairs to my office after Friday prayers, thinking what a lovely Friday sermon it was about Ramadhan and such. Until I reached the door, one of these, these... things... were pasted!'What the Fu-?!' I said. I went in and discovered there were 18 of these, these... things all pasted nicely with bastardly cello-tape! Cello-tape, I say! They even pasted one in my cup! The cads...! IS THERE NOTHING SACRED TO THESE PEOPLE?!
But the (Mac) software's pretty cool tho. We spent a good part of the day posing in front of the camera and producing retarded pictures like these:
Distortion an' shit.
Comicbook effect.
Black and white. This is when we thought that it'd be cool to pose in a rock-band-albumcover sorta way. For about 30 seconds.
Of course, I saved the best for last. Bwahahaha!!!!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
No gas!
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What is this picture, you ask. Well, I'm glad you asked because if you didn't, I'd have to explain. Then some wiseass would prolly say 'Tak tanye pon!' then I'd be embarassed. Then people'd start throwing things at me and then I'd get fired from my job and my girlfriend(s) would leave me. This is called the Circle of Life. Just like what Darth Vader told his son Simba.But then, because you asked, if that wiseass strikes again, I'd be like, 'Someone else asked, beyotch!' Then he or she'd be embarassed and I'd be like, 'Wussup! That'll learn ya, fool!' Then I'd get all these phone calls from chicks wanting to go out with me and whatnot.
But enough chitchat.
The picture. This morning, on my way to work, I fergot to top up the fuel on my trusty (or so I thought) scooter. Just as I was about to exit the tunnel, my scooter sputtered and choked just like a crackwhore mistakenly overdosing on laundry detergent. And then it died. (Same also like the crackwhore, only with less puke.)
Luckily I managed to sputter out just as the tunnel ended. Having to push the scooter from inside the tunnel would've been very very dangerous. I'd probably get run over from behind. Who ever made this tunnel didnt even think of making space for sidewalks. Jerk! (EDIT: the jerks did make sidewalks. just not for people who have bike breakdowns. dorks.)
So I called up Faisal so's he could help me out by buying some fuel and send it over to me. Everything ended well. Yay.
sometimes i dont have all the luck.. part 2
As everyone might've already known, I've been house hunting, or rather, apartment hunting, these past coupla weeks. Never thought that it was a not-so-easy task. First, me and my house mate had to scour ads in newspapers until we came to the decision that it was a waste of fuckin' time!
At least, I thought it was anyway.
Most of the ads in the papers are crap because I felt that they didnt really fit our extremely GINOURMOUS budget of 0.6k's per month. Some of them are crap condos or apartments with fuckin' huge-ass swimming pools or gyms the size of, um, gyms. And saunas. With hot babes in white towels wearing nothing but towels. On their hea- aisehmen, woi, bulan puasa la siot!
Where was I. Right. The condos; all for the cost of 1.4k - 2k+ per month. Which, again, I think is too cheap for our standards.
So we went round Kota Damansara and after a few days of scouting around that area, we got a few numbers and booked a few house viewings. In the end, we landed ourselves a very comfortable apartment by the name of Tania. Yes. Tania. Sounds russian, I know. Probably the sort that likes to hang out in saunas wearing nothing but towel- argh! stoppitstoppit!
It's new-ish, the place. No ones lived in it yet which is a good thing. But what sucks is that theres still a few repairs that need to be done. Damn. All in all, its okay. Really.
Later came the question of who'd get the master bedroom. So me and Adi employed the help of three neutral people to flip a coin to see which one of us gets to have the master bedroom (even though I called dibs on it first...)
Best out of three wins... and I lost. Fuck!
Not only did I get the smallest room in the house, my room doesn't have a toilet, which means that I have to walk an extra 2 feet just to take a crap or a shower! Its unfair! 2 feet, dammit!!!
And just to add insult to injury, Adi decided that it'd be funny to keep the Coin That Made Him A Winner and later paste it up on his door. From which I'll respond by pasting a picture of Anya*, (the third person to flip the coin.) on my door with a big red X across the face.
And Adi, if you're reading this, for winning, I will take a dump. On your bed. Be afraid, biatch.
Okay, so maybe I'm overreacting. Heh.
The end.
*I have no idea how to spell her name. Anya? Ania? Arnyeah? ZaitonSameon?
At least, I thought it was anyway.
Most of the ads in the papers are crap because I felt that they didnt really fit our extremely GINOURMOUS budget of 0.6k's per month. Some of them are crap condos or apartments with fuckin' huge-ass swimming pools or gyms the size of, um, gyms. And saunas. With hot babes in white towels wearing nothing but towels. On their hea- aisehmen, woi, bulan puasa la siot!
Where was I. Right. The condos; all for the cost of 1.4k - 2k+ per month. Which, again, I think is too cheap for our standards.
So we went round Kota Damansara and after a few days of scouting around that area, we got a few numbers and booked a few house viewings. In the end, we landed ourselves a very comfortable apartment by the name of Tania. Yes. Tania. Sounds russian, I know. Probably the sort that likes to hang out in saunas wearing nothing but towel- argh! stoppitstoppit!
It's new-ish, the place. No ones lived in it yet which is a good thing. But what sucks is that theres still a few repairs that need to be done. Damn. All in all, its okay. Really.
Later came the question of who'd get the master bedroom. So me and Adi employed the help of three neutral people to flip a coin to see which one of us gets to have the master bedroom (even though I called dibs on it first...)
Best out of three wins... and I lost. Fuck!
Not only did I get the smallest room in the house, my room doesn't have a toilet, which means that I have to walk an extra 2 feet just to take a crap or a shower! Its unfair! 2 feet, dammit!!!
And just to add insult to injury, Adi decided that it'd be funny to keep the Coin That Made Him A Winner and later paste it up on his door. From which I'll respond by pasting a picture of Anya*, (the third person to flip the coin.) on my door with a big red X across the face.
And Adi, if you're reading this, for winning, I will take a dump. On your bed. Be afraid, biatch.
Okay, so maybe I'm overreacting. Heh.
The end.
*I have no idea how to spell her name. Anya? Ania? Arnyeah? ZaitonSameon?
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
sometimes i dont have all the luck.. part 1
How much do you value a strand of hair? Mine: 10 bucks. Really.
The other day, I was sitting and talking with my eldest sister when, as usual, she commented on how crappy my hair was and how I should stop trying to look like a hippie. From which I responded with tisnt,I dont look like a hippie, leave my hair alone, woman! Respectively.
As usual, I could give a crap less. Anyway, I stated that my hairs flippin' healthy and I even bet with her that she wouldnt find a single strand of white hair on this side of my top. Extremely confident was I with my mop that I sneered at her as she was sifting through the billions of my macho hair. Thats right, I said macho. Fuck you, haters.
'Tak jumpe punye la, wa cakap sama lu! Rambut orang healthy laaa.'
'Tunggu dulu. Mesti ada ni!'
At that point, we were like two monkeys with one being a sifter and the other the siftee. Or whatever. 'You're like two monkeys, you know that?' my dad said, watching the whole drama thats unfolding and wondering, where the heck did he go wrong.
'AHAH!!!' she said. 'FOUND ONE!!!! PAY UP!'
Crap.
The other day, I was sitting and talking with my eldest sister when, as usual, she commented on how crappy my hair was and how I should stop trying to look like a hippie. From which I responded with tisnt,I dont look like a hippie, leave my hair alone, woman! Respectively.
As usual, I could give a crap less. Anyway, I stated that my hairs flippin' healthy and I even bet with her that she wouldnt find a single strand of white hair on this side of my top. Extremely confident was I with my mop that I sneered at her as she was sifting through the billions of my macho hair. Thats right, I said macho. Fuck you, haters.
'Tak jumpe punye la, wa cakap sama lu! Rambut orang healthy laaa.'
'Tunggu dulu. Mesti ada ni!'
At that point, we were like two monkeys with one being a sifter and the other the siftee. Or whatever. 'You're like two monkeys, you know that?' my dad said, watching the whole drama thats unfolding and wondering, where the heck did he go wrong.
'AHAH!!!' she said. 'FOUND ONE!!!! PAY UP!'
Crap.
Puasa. Puasa. Marilah kite berpuasa.
Sempena bulan puasa yang akan kita lalui starting pada hari Khamis ini, first off, I'd like to wish all muslims (that includes you, yes, you!) a Happy Ramadhan.
Secondly, I would like to apologize if any of my (crap) writings have, in any way, made you small liver (kecik hati) or made you tersinggoong (tersinggung), or offended you in any way or form, digital or binary, via the internet or via my fists to your face, etc. Well, I would personally like to apologize for any of the misdeeds that I might have accidentally brought upon you and you hope you can find it in your heart (or liver) to forgive me.
Secondly, I would like to apologize if any of my (crap) writings have, in any way, made you small liver (kecik hati) or made you tersinggoong (tersinggung), or offended you in any way or form, digital or binary, via the internet or via my fists to your face, etc. Well, I would personally like to apologize for any of the misdeeds that I might have accidentally brought upon you and you hope you can find it in your heart (or liver) to forgive me.
Do'a malaikat Jibril menjelang Ramadhan " "Ya Allah tolong abaikan puasa ummat Muhammad, apabila sebelum memasuki bulan Ramadhan dia tidak melakukan hal-hal yang berikut:Realize.
* Tidak memohon maaf terlebih dahulu kepada kedua orang tuanya (jika masih ada);
* Tidak berma'afan terlebih dahulu antara suami isteri;
* Tidak bermaafan terlebih dahulu dengan orang-orang sekitarnya.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Like 7-11 only... not...
There I was, innocently looking for apartments around the area of Damansara when this little bastard of a shop crossed my sights. Quoting a friend by the nick of Wombat: "So much much for Malaysian originality." (sic)
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Sunday, September 02, 2007
Of twangers, balls, and pluckers... pfffbt!!!!
This shit got me laughing till I cried. At 2 in the morning!!! Remember the kids tv show, 'Rainbow show'? Surprisingly, I do. Vaguely. And I just cant get over how fuckin' funny this clip is! Apparently its a banned show from the series. I wonder why...
You have to be real pure of heart to not laugh and this kids show. Checkit. IF you've got a slow connection, just wait till it loads.
2 lovely maraccas indeed.
You have to be real pure of heart to not laugh and this kids show. Checkit. IF you've got a slow connection, just wait till it loads.
2 lovely maraccas indeed.
From the first day to the last.
At the airport.
8/5/07
12am
here i is,sitting in front of gate c3, waiting for it to open. My dads sitting right next to me on this fucking rail thingy because all the damn seats are taken. WTF! Luckily for mums she got a seat.
And now guess what? Due to the awkward sitting position rudely imposed on us by this FUCKING HARDASS RAIL, I cant feel my balls! Thats right . My nuts decided to take a nap and its pasted a do not disturb sticker on my zipper. But I joke.
Lots of foreign people around this here gate. I deduce they're not from around here. Eheh.
Oop! Gate opening. Brb.
12:15am
Well, that's a bit of a scare. After sliding in whatever bits of luggage i was carrying in the xray machine, i was held back by the big burly cop xray machine handler person man.
'Theres a bottle in there,' he said.
The first thing that sailed through my mind was, what channel was he tuning to in that screen.
'Botol??? Botol ape?' I remarked, while busily rummaging through my backpack. For the life of me, I dont remember packing any damn bottle in the-
'This bottle.' he said, showing me the image on the screen. Well, im convinced: he wasnt tuning in to 'Cooking with Nigella'. It WAS a bottle. But what kept me confused was the how, not the what. How the fish did that get there?!
After further inspection, it turned out to be bottle of... something that a relative had packed for me to pass to her son in switzerland. Snap! I knew I shoulda checked what was inside, dammit! All the while I thought it was a packet of dry fish! But it's all good. I managed to hold the line and also got the bottle of kicap Cap Kipas Udang through. And when I say hold the line, I mean, theres like 10-50 pissed off people waiting for me to settle my shit. Screw you, fuckers! I got a bottle of soy sauce and I'm not afraid to use it! Yeah, thats what I thought, bitches.
The flight to Dubai was pretty uneventful, save for the fact that my window seat got stolen by sum arab ninja chick and her husband. Seeing as that I wasn't in the mood for a lethal arabic ninja-star to face, I let her have my seat.
The in flight entertainment was awesome. They had a kickass selection of movies. I ended up watching Road Hogs. Funny.
Arrived in Dubai at around 6am local time. Oh my, the hot chicks. No no, hot ARAB chicks! Holy crap! If I had a cold, and they were a bowl-
At this point, I ran out of juice on my pocket pc. And when I was in Germany, I didnt have the correct powerpoint plug which basically meant no recharging whatsoever! But just to finish the story...
Then I went to Germany. Did some stuff. Then went to Switzerland. Did some stuff.
The end.
8/5/07
12am
here i is,sitting in front of gate c3, waiting for it to open. My dads sitting right next to me on this fucking rail thingy because all the damn seats are taken. WTF! Luckily for mums she got a seat.
And now guess what? Due to the awkward sitting position rudely imposed on us by this FUCKING HARDASS RAIL, I cant feel my balls! Thats right . My nuts decided to take a nap and its pasted a do not disturb sticker on my zipper. But I joke.
Lots of foreign people around this here gate. I deduce they're not from around here. Eheh.
Oop! Gate opening. Brb.
12:15am
Well, that's a bit of a scare. After sliding in whatever bits of luggage i was carrying in the xray machine, i was held back by the big burly cop xray machine handler person man.
'Theres a bottle in there,' he said.
The first thing that sailed through my mind was, what channel was he tuning to in that screen.
'Botol??? Botol ape?' I remarked, while busily rummaging through my backpack. For the life of me, I dont remember packing any damn bottle in the-
'This bottle.' he said, showing me the image on the screen. Well, im convinced: he wasnt tuning in to 'Cooking with Nigella'. It WAS a bottle. But what kept me confused was the how, not the what. How the fish did that get there?!
After further inspection, it turned out to be bottle of... something that a relative had packed for me to pass to her son in switzerland. Snap! I knew I shoulda checked what was inside, dammit! All the while I thought it was a packet of dry fish! But it's all good. I managed to hold the line and also got the bottle of kicap Cap Kipas Udang through. And when I say hold the line, I mean, theres like 10-50 pissed off people waiting for me to settle my shit. Screw you, fuckers! I got a bottle of soy sauce and I'm not afraid to use it! Yeah, thats what I thought, bitches.
The flight to Dubai was pretty uneventful, save for the fact that my window seat got stolen by sum arab ninja chick and her husband. Seeing as that I wasn't in the mood for a lethal arabic ninja-star to face, I let her have my seat.
The in flight entertainment was awesome. They had a kickass selection of movies. I ended up watching Road Hogs. Funny.
Arrived in Dubai at around 6am local time. Oh my, the hot chicks. No no, hot ARAB chicks! Holy crap! If I had a cold, and they were a bowl-
At this point, I ran out of juice on my pocket pc. And when I was in Germany, I didnt have the correct powerpoint plug which basically meant no recharging whatsoever! But just to finish the story...
Then I went to Germany. Did some stuff. Then went to Switzerland. Did some stuff.
The end.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Sometimes, I can be an ass when im bored.
sanchito98: ohhh.. riight..
sanchito98: thats exactly it..
yaya: hehe..
yaya: u G.D ek?
sanchito98 : ek.
yaya: haha u r sewel
sanchito98 : haha. im not.
sanchito98 : really.
sanchito98 : its just a facade.
yaya: heheh..
yaya: ryt!
sanchito98 : deep down... im a serial killer.
yaya : hmmmmm...dat xplains a
sanchito98 : ahaa...
sanchito98 : i kill serials.
sanchito98 : wakakak. merepek jek.
yaya: serial number?
sanchito98 : kamu buat apa? <--- kamu?! WTF?!
yaya: cereal?
yaya: hehe
sanchito98 : i mean, work.
yaya: saya masih skolah pak
sanchito98 : ooo.
sanchito98 : study apa?
yaya: advertising
sanchito98 : oh
sanchito98 : thats an awesome subject.
sanchito98 : where?
yaya: uitm..
yaya: its under masscomm
sanchito98 : i dont really care. i was just being nice.
sanchito98 : hehehe.
yaya : haha hampeh!!
sanchito98 : how long more?
yaya: (since u dont really care..) up 2 u..brape lame lagi u rase u nak i bergelumang dgn buku2?
sanchito98 : uhmm..
sanchito98 : until you finally pass?
sanchito98 : i dunno.. in 10 years?
yaya : gud..that means another year jela
yaya : HEYY!!!!
sanchito98 : oh, sorry..
sanchito98 : i meant... 12 years?
yaya : haha..tahun lalat ke tahun kucing?
yaya : hey saddiq..bed time..later!!
sanchito98 : eh
sanchito98 : tido?
sanchito98 : apa itu tido?
sanchito98 : tak advertising laaa gini..
Monday, August 27, 2007
germany and swiss trip
Initially i wanted to post one long entry on my trip to germany n swiss, but then i figured, its too much work and words. For some retards to read. (Please dont be offended if you're not a retard.)
But anyway...
I'll just slap in a few stuff on things that I could recall later in the week.
But anyway...
I'll just slap in a few stuff on things that I could recall later in the week.
Friday, August 24, 2007
I dream of Saddiq.
This is one seriously fucked up post. We..ll.. not really fucked up to the max. more like... a diet coke version or whatever.
Anyway, I got an SMS from my pal Adamski.
adamski: Dude, I dreamt of you last nite.
me: OMG, me too! Wait a minute, no I didnt. What the heck was I doing in your dream, weh?!
adamski: We're in some village & you're being kidnapped by hantu tetek. Seriously. And you were lovin' it.
(okay, as if HE having a dream of ME wasnt weird enough, right now I have to deal with the fact that he dreamt I'd been kidnapped by a mammary ghost. I dont know whether be freaked out or pop a boner.)
me: What.The.Fuck.???
adamski: You had to flip the boobies over to talk to us. cant remember what you said tho. But theres definitely a smile on your face. THATS SCARY!
me: Fuckoff. I wont be smiling!
adamski: Thats what I was hoping too. But u never looked so happy!
(Obviously you've never seen me when I got a Golden Star for drawing a 4 legged cow. And not 3, like the other kids. Dumbasses. Maybe I won because of the radioactive breath and wings... hmmm..)
me: I oughtta kick your ass for having such a crappy dream. It coulda been Shanon Elizabeth, but noo... it had to be some hantu tetek!
adamski: Heh. Yeah. I'll try to dream something useful next time. But I cant promise anything though. both of u look so cute together.
me: Cheh! (end.)
(Cheh?! Cheh?! What?! No snappy comeback?! Sumbitch..!)
Anyway, I got an SMS from my pal Adamski.
adamski: Dude, I dreamt of you last nite.
me: OMG, me too! Wait a minute, no I didnt. What the heck was I doing in your dream, weh?!
adamski: We're in some village & you're being kidnapped by hantu tetek. Seriously. And you were lovin' it.
(okay, as if HE having a dream of ME wasnt weird enough, right now I have to deal with the fact that he dreamt I'd been kidnapped by a mammary ghost. I dont know whether be freaked out or pop a boner.)
me: What.The.Fuck.???
adamski: You had to flip the boobies over to talk to us. cant remember what you said tho. But theres definitely a smile on your face. THATS SCARY!
me: Fuckoff. I wont be smiling!
adamski: Thats what I was hoping too. But u never looked so happy!
(Obviously you've never seen me when I got a Golden Star for drawing a 4 legged cow. And not 3, like the other kids. Dumbasses. Maybe I won because of the radioactive breath and wings... hmmm..)
me: I oughtta kick your ass for having such a crappy dream. It coulda been Shanon Elizabeth, but noo... it had to be some hantu tetek!
adamski: Heh. Yeah. I'll try to dream something useful next time. But I cant promise anything though. both of u look so cute together.
me: Cheh! (end.)
(Cheh?! Cheh?! What?! No snappy comeback?! Sumbitch..!)
Thursday, August 16, 2007
switzerland baby!
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
From my humble camera.
The signboard of Coesfeld.
The town of Coesfeld
The tree of Coesfeld.
The toilet of Coesfeld. Haha, I joke. This is the administration building.
Um, I fergot what this place is.
Coesfeld Church.
A bridge on the River Rhine. Nessie was born here. Then she got a job in Scotland...
And of course... the best thing to come to Germany after the Internet, KFC and American Pie DVD (German version, with Shanon Elizabeth of course).A gmail chat with Mister Man.
me: alööö
A: alooo
how may I help you
me: nein
ich bin teh o ais limau
A: ich bin straw up your ass
me: scheizer!!! ich bin kick your dumbassenscheizen!
A: achtung!!!! foottien in u crotchen
me: nein. nein. footien u assholven. jackasschorheiven.wakhkahkahkahkakha!
A: hahahahahaha
Sometimes, at odd and rare times, my brother in law is a dumbass.
Sometimes, at odd and rare times, my brother in law is a dumbass.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
on the plane. sideways.
Yes, I know what you are thinking. These images are the wrong way rotated. Honestly, I dunno why!!! Ive rotated it correctly, but it still displays like this. And I have no idea what the menus in this here mac says. Its all in German! Gah! What the hells 'Datei'?? Or 'Bearbeiten'??
German oh german, kenapa ngkau german.
Woohoo! Arrived safely in Segamat, I mean, Germany at precisely 1.30pm. This place are teh cool! Pictures of hot german women (non fat, non uggoes), to follow. Haha, not really.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Germany, baby!
Thats right! Deutchsland! Here I come!Oh, shit!! I just realized I've done a terrible mistake! THATS THE WRONG FLAG!!! Below is the correct one. Man... that was so embarassing...
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Box and helmets.
I was on my way back and I saw this dude with a box on his bike. It was an ordinary box, faded from being exposed too much to the sun.
As I waited for the light to turn green, I stared at this box, which was attached to the rear end of the guys bike and I thought to myself, I wonder if the owner realizes that that is one messed up box. If he stored his helmet in that shit, people could easily open it up and stea- wait a minute...
He's a sikh. He doest use a helmet.
The light turned green and we went our separate ways.
As I waited for the light to turn green, I stared at this box, which was attached to the rear end of the guys bike and I thought to myself, I wonder if the owner realizes that that is one messed up box. If he stored his helmet in that shit, people could easily open it up and stea- wait a minute...
He's a sikh. He doest use a helmet.
The light turned green and we went our separate ways.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Ah, screw it!
I find it amazing that how something so simple, like, say screwing something into wall can be somehow be turned into a something lame. Thats right. Lame. To the point that it just plain sucks!
My sister decided had recently bought a retractable mirror which she uses, as she so succintly put it, 'to easily extract the nose hairs from her nasal cavity'. Well, actually she said, 'senang nak cabot bulu idong'. But essentially, its the same thing. Haha, I joke. She doesnt have a nosetache.
Well, I borrowed a drill from the office, and got all the necessary bits that one needs to make a new asshole for the wall. So I got all the stuff, and proceeded to drill. Drilling isnt that hard, really. It's just that, well, if you drill on a flat and shiny surface, you just have to make sure that, you're not fuckin' stupid.
Anyways, I drilled and I drilled and was nearly finished. All thats needed is the screwing. Which I did. I screwed the screw into some plastic bit that's placed in the wall, when suddenly, the little metal bastard screw BROKE! Leaving the broken screwy thingy bit IN THE FUCKING WALL!!
WHAT.THE.FUCK?!?!?! How the fuck am I sposed to screw the fucking mirror when theres a half a screw still stuck in the fucking wall!!! Mak dia janggut ah!!!
Oh, I tried prying it out and stupidly, I tried drilling in deeper but no such luck. That little bitch was stuck in there until either (a) The walls come tumbling down or (b) Fuck you, you fucking cheap screw.
Well, I was in a 'ah fuckit' moment, so I proceeded to drill another hole right next to the fucked up one. Whats okay was that the fucked up hole is covered by the mirrors base. Like so.
In the end, all went well. I got a new non-breakable screw and screwed the hell outta the mirror. It now rests humbly on the wall. Forever...ever...ever... (echo) ricolaaaaa (echo).
Dont screw with a guy with a drill, bitchas.
My sister decided had recently bought a retractable mirror which she uses, as she so succintly put it, 'to easily extract the nose hairs from her nasal cavity'. Well, actually she said, 'senang nak cabot bulu idong'. But essentially, its the same thing. Haha, I joke. She doesnt have a nosetache.
Well, I borrowed a drill from the office, and got all the necessary bits that one needs to make a new asshole for the wall. So I got all the stuff, and proceeded to drill. Drilling isnt that hard, really. It's just that, well, if you drill on a flat and shiny surface, you just have to make sure that, you're not fuckin' stupid.
Anyways, I drilled and I drilled and was nearly finished. All thats needed is the screwing. Which I did. I screwed the screw into some plastic bit that's placed in the wall, when suddenly, the little metal bastard screw BROKE! Leaving the broken screwy thingy bit IN THE FUCKING WALL!!
WHAT.THE.FUCK?!?!?! How the fuck am I sposed to screw the fucking mirror when theres a half a screw still stuck in the fucking wall!!! Mak dia janggut ah!!!Oh, I tried prying it out and stupidly, I tried drilling in deeper but no such luck. That little bitch was stuck in there until either (a) The walls come tumbling down or (b) Fuck you, you fucking cheap screw.
Well, I was in a 'ah fuckit' moment, so I proceeded to drill another hole right next to the fucked up one. Whats okay was that the fucked up hole is covered by the mirrors base. Like so.
In the end, all went well. I got a new non-breakable screw and screwed the hell outta the mirror. It now rests humbly on the wall. Forever...ever...ever... (echo) ricolaaaaa (echo).Dont screw with a guy with a drill, bitchas.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
The Porn in Starbucks
I was a Sunday. Both my sisters decided that it'd be fun to go out, all 8 of us to go catch a movie. They watched Harry Potsmoker and the whatever while I watched a non-gay movie: Die Hard 4.0. It was awesome! JOHN MCLANES DIES IN THE END! Spoiler ALERT:
Oops. The 'Spoiler Alert' was supposed to be in front, wasnt it? Oh silly me.bwarghahaha!
Anyhoot, before the movies, and because Die Hard and Hairy Potty's times were different ( mine was one and half hour later), I decided to while my time away at some starbucks and reading a novel that I borrowed off some rental bookshop. Which, by the way, had 2 hot receptionists by the name of Melissa and, I dont know know the other ones name. Melissa, if you're reading this, just so you know, if you were a book, I'd rent you. Of course, I make no promises that I wont read you in the john while taking a dump. What the fuck does that even mean anyway?!!?!
Enough fantasies.
Where was I? Right. Starbucks. There I was, sipping on a cup of blatantly expensive ice blended coffee when suddenly, some Mat Salleh chick in a short skirt sat in the chair in front of me. She was busy talking on her handphone and I just sat there, barely glancing at her slightly smooth tanned legs and trying hard to concentrate on the last sentence of whatever the fuck I was reading. From her accent, I could easily distinguish the fact that she was either from Russia, or Italy, or Kelantan.
Dont believe me?? Checkit! Oh yeah, those are my shoes right there, guy! And there be the chick, in all her short skirty glory. I like! How much?!
In between paragraphs, I imagined that, if this had been a porno, it'd prolly be like this:
The woman walks in the coffee shop, the rain that she had just run through had formed visible beads on her svelte, bare parts of her body. She was wearing a short white skirt and a tank top. Her hair was done in a tight pony tail, which she unravels as she enters. She waves her head back and forth. Water from her hair flew in all directions. She was talking on her handphone. There I was, reading a thick hardcover novel, nay, dictionary, which only smart manly men read (while holding it single handedly). I saw her running through the rain and I smiled an inward smile. You lucky woman you.
The wind that came in through as she walked through the doors blew my hair and it fluttered lazily, revealing my rough, manly features. I glanced at her entrance as she quickly proceeds to sit in the empty chair in front of me, oblivious to my presence while still in her busy phone chat, with whoever. I forgive her.
She suddenly looks at me and her features change, as if, for the first time in her life, she is finally seeing the man that has been haunting her romantic dreams all these years. I chuckle softly inside. This is too easy...
Our eyes locked. She gasps as she drops her phone. I stood up, putting down my manly thick hardcover dictionary that I had been holding single handedly, and picked up her phone. I proceed to return the phone to her, while our eyes still interlocked in a massive optical embrace that could melt steel. Steel, I say!
'You dropped your phone, miss,' I spoke. My manly voice reverberates across the tiny room. A glass at the end of the room shakes, spilling liquid slightly. The howling wind blows in through the doors again, scaterring our hairs in all directions. I smile at her. My teeth gleam in the dim light. Suddenly, 70s easy listening disco plays in the background. Pakapakapau kepau pau pau paka pau....
'Timo kaseh, be. Licing tange kawe ni tadi oh. Huje lebok kak luor tu wohh. Sorry ah kawe tak perase abe dok kat depang ni tadi. Kawan kawe telphong ni tadi nih... gedemek betowl, bla bla bla...'
Pakakapaupau-SCRRRRREEEAAACCCHHH!!!!
I snap out of my daydream as if someone had suddenly ran in and drop kicked me square in the face! HOLY CRAP! Where the fuckin' 'ell did that Kelantan accent come from?!?!
Well, that pretty much ended the porno in my brain...
Then I went off for the movie. It.was.awesome! More awesome than sissy transformers, I say. And yes, more awesome than the porn in brain.
Okay, thats all.
Oops. The 'Spoiler Alert' was supposed to be in front, wasnt it? Oh silly me.bwarghahaha!
Anyhoot, before the movies, and because Die Hard and Hairy Potty's times were different ( mine was one and half hour later), I decided to while my time away at some starbucks and reading a novel that I borrowed off some rental bookshop. Which, by the way, had 2 hot receptionists by the name of Melissa and, I dont know know the other ones name. Melissa, if you're reading this, just so you know, if you were a book, I'd rent you. Of course, I make no promises that I wont read you in the john while taking a dump. What the fuck does that even mean anyway?!!?!
Enough fantasies.
Where was I? Right. Starbucks. There I was, sipping on a cup of blatantly expensive ice blended coffee when suddenly, some Mat Salleh chick in a short skirt sat in the chair in front of me. She was busy talking on her handphone and I just sat there, barely glancing at her slightly smooth tanned legs and trying hard to concentrate on the last sentence of whatever the fuck I was reading. From her accent, I could easily distinguish the fact that she was either from Russia, or Italy, or Kelantan.
Dont believe me?? Checkit! Oh yeah, those are my shoes right there, guy! And there be the chick, in all her short skirty glory. I like! How much?!In between paragraphs, I imagined that, if this had been a porno, it'd prolly be like this:
The woman walks in the coffee shop, the rain that she had just run through had formed visible beads on her svelte, bare parts of her body. She was wearing a short white skirt and a tank top. Her hair was done in a tight pony tail, which she unravels as she enters. She waves her head back and forth. Water from her hair flew in all directions. She was talking on her handphone. There I was, reading a thick hardcover novel, nay, dictionary, which only smart manly men read (while holding it single handedly). I saw her running through the rain and I smiled an inward smile. You lucky woman you.
The wind that came in through as she walked through the doors blew my hair and it fluttered lazily, revealing my rough, manly features. I glanced at her entrance as she quickly proceeds to sit in the empty chair in front of me, oblivious to my presence while still in her busy phone chat, with whoever. I forgive her.
She suddenly looks at me and her features change, as if, for the first time in her life, she is finally seeing the man that has been haunting her romantic dreams all these years. I chuckle softly inside. This is too easy...
Our eyes locked. She gasps as she drops her phone. I stood up, putting down my manly thick hardcover dictionary that I had been holding single handedly, and picked up her phone. I proceed to return the phone to her, while our eyes still interlocked in a massive optical embrace that could melt steel. Steel, I say!
'You dropped your phone, miss,' I spoke. My manly voice reverberates across the tiny room. A glass at the end of the room shakes, spilling liquid slightly. The howling wind blows in through the doors again, scaterring our hairs in all directions. I smile at her. My teeth gleam in the dim light. Suddenly, 70s easy listening disco plays in the background. Pakapakapau kepau pau pau paka pau....
'Timo kaseh, be. Licing tange kawe ni tadi oh. Huje lebok kak luor tu wohh. Sorry ah kawe tak perase abe dok kat depang ni tadi. Kawan kawe telphong ni tadi nih... gedemek betowl, bla bla bla...'
Pakakapaupau-SCRRRRREEEAAACCCHHH!!!!
I snap out of my daydream as if someone had suddenly ran in and drop kicked me square in the face! HOLY CRAP! Where the fuckin' 'ell did that Kelantan accent come from?!?!
Well, that pretty much ended the porno in my brain...
Then I went off for the movie. It.was.awesome! More awesome than sissy transformers, I say. And yes, more awesome than the porn in brain.
Okay, thats all.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Alamak...
This is actually an overdue post that happened less than a few weeks back.
So anyways, it was a crappy night. First, my sisters cat peed on my rug in my room and secondly, I managed to destroy my sisters laptop which I eventually will have to pay for. It are teh Sucks! I'm beginning to think my sisters bad luck. Haha, I joke.
I was feeling bored so I let the cat outta the cage and let it go crazy in my room. One thing about Bubu (yes. Bubu. Dont ask! My nieces named the bastard.) is, its a totally fucked up cat!(Persian btw.) It'll maul your hand if you pet it. But not in an aggressive way. It's just its way of playing. And occasionally when it goes overboard, I drop kick it in the face.
That night, it scampered about in my room looking for things to play with, which resulted in the near-destruction of a computer mouse and its misjudgment of the edge of my bed that made it fall off comically. Stupid cat.
So as I was concentrating heavily on Football Manager, it suddenly occured to me that the room was silent. I peered over and to my horror, my lovely rug had a massive yellow river running right in the middle of it. And the cat looking mighty relieved. GAH!!!! Luckily the rug was sorta water resistant and I dragged the sloshing cat pee over to the toilet and rinsed that shit out while Bubu watched in amazement as this human proceeds to clean its peestain. Sprayed its ass with the hose. That'll learn it! Then I sent it off to its cage.
And to make matters worse, I accidentally slept while the laptop was next to my leg on the bed. Me being the aggressive sleeper that I am, accidentally roundhouse kicked the laptop resulted in it doing a swan dive and landed heavily on its LCD screen. Several cracks were born. Several.very.expensive.cracks!
FUCK!
Im not even gonna elaborate on this because its so messed up. Im out.
So anyways, it was a crappy night. First, my sisters cat peed on my rug in my room and secondly, I managed to destroy my sisters laptop which I eventually will have to pay for. It are teh Sucks! I'm beginning to think my sisters bad luck. Haha, I joke.
I was feeling bored so I let the cat outta the cage and let it go crazy in my room. One thing about Bubu (yes. Bubu. Dont ask! My nieces named the bastard.) is, its a totally fucked up cat!(Persian btw.) It'll maul your hand if you pet it. But not in an aggressive way. It's just its way of playing. And occasionally when it goes overboard, I drop kick it in the face.
That night, it scampered about in my room looking for things to play with, which resulted in the near-destruction of a computer mouse and its misjudgment of the edge of my bed that made it fall off comically. Stupid cat.
So as I was concentrating heavily on Football Manager, it suddenly occured to me that the room was silent. I peered over and to my horror, my lovely rug had a massive yellow river running right in the middle of it. And the cat looking mighty relieved. GAH!!!! Luckily the rug was sorta water resistant and I dragged the sloshing cat pee over to the toilet and rinsed that shit out while Bubu watched in amazement as this human proceeds to clean its peestain. Sprayed its ass with the hose. That'll learn it! Then I sent it off to its cage.
And to make matters worse, I accidentally slept while the laptop was next to my leg on the bed. Me being the aggressive sleeper that I am, accidentally roundhouse kicked the laptop resulted in it doing a swan dive and landed heavily on its LCD screen. Several cracks were born. Several.very.expensive.cracks!
FUCK!
Im not even gonna elaborate on this because its so messed up. Im out.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Carma, Scootma, Jamma, Rainma.
'Tuhan kalau nak balas sekejap jek'.
Truer words were never spoken, as they say. Funny story really. We..ll.. its not so much funny as it is just a story. Er...
So anyway there I was, on my trusty scooter on the way home. It'd been a pretty hectic week and I was really looking forward to the weekend. Because my sister had just recently undergone a gallstone removal operation (a Gallstonectomy???? cheh. memandai jek), I decided to visit her over at the 'spital.
As I was cruising down the highway, lo up ahead, 'twas the tail end of a relatively long traffic jam. Of course, I couldnt give a rats butt because lets face it, I was the Jam-Cruise-Mastah!!!
Obviously, I scooted and snaked my way through traffic with glee and thinking to myself, 'heh heh, your poor bastards. Lookit me! Lookit me. Eh, waitaminit, thats Faisal's car!!!' Faisals car, 12 o clock!
Faisal's a colleague from work and this was his usual route home. Just to mess about with him, slowly I rode my bike next to his car, looked at him square in the face and laughed the most evil laugh that I could muster and buggered off between the bumper to bumper crawl before he could respond with anything. Oh the joy of riding on two wheels. Wheee!
And just to sweeten the situation, I texted him, 'HAHAHAHAHAH, JAM!' on the handphone. (which was pretty dangerous. dont try this at home kids.Really. Cause lets face it, you cant ride your scooter in the house) Oh the joy of riding on two wheels. Wheee!
About 2 minutes later, my helmet pinged with the patter of raindrops falling. And the patters became louder and wetter. Felines and canines fell from the sky in droves.
And as if on cue, my handphone buzzed. It was from Faisal and it read, 'Hahaha hujan!'
'Cibet!' I replied weakly.
'Tuhan kalau nak balas sekejap jek.' he replied back.
Gahhhh!!! Poetic justice, no? Oh the joy of riding on two wheels. Whee-Shuddup, jackass!
The rain pretty much canceled my plans of visiting my sister over at the hospital so I went over to Cheras and so I decided to crash at my other sisters house. (and got my butt kicked playing Uno against her kids. Damn youse, poetic justice! Damn youse!)
And that is that.
Truer words were never spoken, as they say. Funny story really. We..ll.. its not so much funny as it is just a story. Er...
So anyway there I was, on my trusty scooter on the way home. It'd been a pretty hectic week and I was really looking forward to the weekend. Because my sister had just recently undergone a gallstone removal operation (a Gallstonectomy???? cheh. memandai jek), I decided to visit her over at the 'spital.
As I was cruising down the highway, lo up ahead, 'twas the tail end of a relatively long traffic jam. Of course, I couldnt give a rats butt because lets face it, I was the Jam-Cruise-Mastah!!!
Obviously, I scooted and snaked my way through traffic with glee and thinking to myself, 'heh heh, your poor bastards. Lookit me! Lookit me. Eh, waitaminit, thats Faisal's car!!!' Faisals car, 12 o clock!
Faisal's a colleague from work and this was his usual route home. Just to mess about with him, slowly I rode my bike next to his car, looked at him square in the face and laughed the most evil laugh that I could muster and buggered off between the bumper to bumper crawl before he could respond with anything. Oh the joy of riding on two wheels. Wheee!
And just to sweeten the situation, I texted him, 'HAHAHAHAHAH, JAM!' on the handphone. (which was pretty dangerous. dont try this at home kids.Really. Cause lets face it, you cant ride your scooter in the house) Oh the joy of riding on two wheels. Wheee!
About 2 minutes later, my helmet pinged with the patter of raindrops falling. And the patters became louder and wetter. Felines and canines fell from the sky in droves.
And as if on cue, my handphone buzzed. It was from Faisal and it read, 'Hahaha hujan!'
'Cibet!' I replied weakly.
'Tuhan kalau nak balas sekejap jek.' he replied back.
Gahhhh!!! Poetic justice, no? Oh the joy of riding on two wheels. Whee-Shuddup, jackass!
The rain pretty much canceled my plans of visiting my sister over at the hospital so I went over to Cheras and so I decided to crash at my other sisters house. (and got my butt kicked playing Uno against her kids. Damn youse, poetic justice! Damn youse!)
And that is that.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Football Manager 2007
Just recently I've got a copy of this game and damn, I am HOOKED! Of course, I have this recurring, for want of a better word, 'problem' where I'm only enamoured to one thing for a short period of time until the part in my brain sez 'Mkay, we're bored.NEXT!' and then I'd move on to another victim. Be it a video game, a toy, a sudden deep interest in computer hardware, apparrel and a plethora of other crap.
But for the moment, its this game, Football Manager 2007.
I got this game from my brother in-law, who's a Chelsea manager. (in the game! in the game! that dude couldnt manage FC JKR Batu Pahat even if he wanted to.)
Essentially its a game of football managerial skills where you manage.. stuff. Yawn? Not quite. Personally, I'm not really a football fan. Rly. Ya rly. No kddng!!1one. But playing this game is most probably maybe starting to convert me into one. Phffbt! Yeah, right!
Okay, we'll see how long it takes till i get bored with this game. Anyone wanna bet? Whoever guesses the near correct time wins... something random off the top of my (office) desk.
Also, the answer to the previous posts' riddle was: Who the fuck cares.
Thank you.
But for the moment, its this game, Football Manager 2007.
I got this game from my brother in-law, who's a Chelsea manager. (in the game! in the game! that dude couldnt manage FC JKR Batu Pahat even if he wanted to.)
Essentially its a game of football managerial skills where you manage.. stuff. Yawn? Not quite. Personally, I'm not really a football fan. Rly. Ya rly. No kddng!!1one. But playing this game is most probably maybe starting to convert me into one. Phffbt! Yeah, right!
Okay, we'll see how long it takes till i get bored with this game. Anyone wanna bet? Whoever guesses the near correct time wins... something random off the top of my (office) desk.
Also, the answer to the previous posts' riddle was: Who the fuck cares.
Thank you.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Heh heh.
Im still around. Been busy as shit these coupla months. Sometimes, you get to a point where you're not really busy but fuckall, im doing, uh, fuckall. (that means, doing nothing at all.)
Last post was.. uh... hmm.. streamyx's being a bitch tonight. Am currently waiting for my blog page to display so's I could check on my last post.
Ah, right, here it is. June 1st. That'd be my last post. Wow. Nearly a month had gone by. And not a single post. Amazing.
Well anyway, I've been thinking that seeing as that my life isnt really as eventful as I thought it would be, I'd probably be posting crap that arent even considered blogworthy. Just so it'd spare me the effort of actually having to form understandable sentences which later bulk up to form several paragraphs that somehow eventually end with me making a summary of what the fuck did I just write.
Uh, what? Ah, fuckit. I keep writing lame-ass posts about why I keep neglecting to write lame-ass posts. This happens each time theres a long pause in the blog timeline.
I'll just end this post with this question:
How do you stuff an elephant in a fridge in three steps?
Last post was.. uh... hmm.. streamyx's being a bitch tonight. Am currently waiting for my blog page to display so's I could check on my last post.
Ah, right, here it is. June 1st. That'd be my last post. Wow. Nearly a month had gone by. And not a single post. Amazing.
Well anyway, I've been thinking that seeing as that my life isnt really as eventful as I thought it would be, I'd probably be posting crap that arent even considered blogworthy. Just so it'd spare me the effort of actually having to form understandable sentences which later bulk up to form several paragraphs that somehow eventually end with me making a summary of what the fuck did I just write.
Uh, what? Ah, fuckit. I keep writing lame-ass posts about why I keep neglecting to write lame-ass posts. This happens each time theres a long pause in the blog timeline.
I'll just end this post with this question:
How do you stuff an elephant in a fridge in three steps?
Friday, June 01, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Me and my Accident.
I had an accident today,
Yeah it pretty much sucked,
When I hit that taxi,
I thought I was fucked.
I had an accident today,
My scooter's not well,
At least I didnt get run over,
Coz that would've been hell.
I had an accident today,
And I think 'twas me fault,
But the taxi suddenly went out of the junction,
And made me kiss asphalt.
I had an accident today,
I checked, Alhamdulillah I was fine,
This wouldnt have happened though,
If I hadnt overtook at a double line.
I had an accident today,
Accidents can be a good teacher,
He'd say ' If you jump a double line,'
'You might be carried off in a stretcher.
So now I end this tragic tale,
Of accidents and remorse.
If I dont learn from this mistake,
I might end up... a corpse.
Nauzubillah Himinzalik.
Yeah it pretty much sucked,
When I hit that taxi,
I thought I was fucked.
I had an accident today,
My scooter's not well,
At least I didnt get run over,
Coz that would've been hell.
I had an accident today,
And I think 'twas me fault,
But the taxi suddenly went out of the junction,
And made me kiss asphalt.
I had an accident today,
I checked, Alhamdulillah I was fine,
This wouldnt have happened though,
If I hadnt overtook at a double line.
I had an accident today,
Accidents can be a good teacher,
He'd say ' If you jump a double line,'
'You might be carried off in a stretcher.
So now I end this tragic tale,
Of accidents and remorse.
If I dont learn from this mistake,
I might end up... a corpse.
Nauzubillah Himinzalik.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
The Oops.
"Huyoo, handphone baru siak!!!! Rokok sebatang!"
Those were the exact words that I said to a totally and utterly complete stranger. And by stranger, I mean, I never knew that person existed, I've never met her before, never seen her walk down the street, never seen her naked with no clothes on, and so forth.
It was around 11am and the bosses werent around so we went down for a 5 minute smoke break. Nurul the Smoker and Faisal the Ex-Mat Rem had already gone down to the parking lot while I was settling a few loose ends up in the studio. After finishing whatever, I went down to join them and I saw Nurul in front of the doorway, smoking. The first thing I noticed was her extremely new handphone that she was holding in her hand. Which I thought was kinda weird because she had just recently bought a Nokia.
'Huyoo, handphone baru siak!!!' I burst out, while still looking at the phone. It was a Sony Erricson or something. 'Rokok sebatang!'
Silence. No usual response from Nurul or any movement of 'Giving Saddiq the Cancer Stick'.
Suddenly, it dawned upon me that that person was NOT Nurul! She only looked like Nurul from behind.
Within that few seconds, a debate started on what my next course of action should be.
'Everyone here?'
'We're here laa, dumbass. Where do you think we're gonna go? Out on an out of body experience? Bodo ni.'
'Uh, right. Okay, so our topic for today is, 'What should I do when confronting with a i'm a jackass-WHO WROTE THIS?!'
' * snigger * '
'OH HAHA! VERY FUNNY! FUCKN' HILARIOUS! Cibet...'
' * khakahkahkahkaa. * '
'NOW if we could move on. As I WAS SAYING, the topic for today is 'WHAT SHOULD I do when confronting with an embarassing mistaken identity situation with a Complete Stranger. Let us start with the... Fight or Flight Department. What say you?'
'WELL,SIMPLE. FIRST WE RUN TOWARDS HER AND DROP-KICK HER IN THE FACE- ohgodohgodohgodlaridohbahayani- AND AFTERTHAT IM GONNA FOLLOW UP WITH A BODYSLAM.THEN IMNA TAKE A TRASHCAN AND- kepalahotakahgilengkosekalidiatahukungfucamanasiakwehblahah...AND WE COULD GIVE HER THE OL' FROG SPLASH FROM THE SECOND FLOOR...?'
'Uh. Right. Thank you for the input. ye psychos... Now. Lets hear from the Kontrol Macho Dept.
'Well, senang je beb. Cenggini ah, first, kita tenung mata dia kan, thats mean kita kasi connection Eyes Contact,baru ada Feeling. Pastu kita selamba je aaa kasi cakap sama dia 'Eh, Kak Long / Amoi, Sorry lar. I ingatkan you ni kawan I tadi. Haw Haw Haw. You nie cute lar. So, you ni dari mana. I worked here in this opis. Ni pirst time I nampak you kat sini.' Pastu apa lagi, mintak la nombor tepon pastu-'
'ARE YOU CRAZY, SHES OLD! ha'atuagakehblahjeahkangdiapanggilboydiapukolkitakang- AND SHE NOT THAT HOT EITHER. WE COULD SLAM A TABLE IN HER FACE FOR BEING UGL-'
'Ye ke tak cun? Kthnxbye.'
'Thank you kontrol macho Department. penyapu... So, next on the list would be, Rational And Common Sense Department.'
'Apologize. Say You're Sorry And Explain That You Mistook Her For Another Person. Give Her A Cheesy Grin And Just Accept The Fact That Humans Make Mistakes. We Are Human Afterall. If She's Like Us, She Would Nod And Grin Because Shes Human Too.'
'Okay. like that'll happen. And now, Idiotic Actions Deparment. Whats your take on the situation? Idiotic Actions Deparment? Woi!'
'.... and then he said, 'IM A JACKASS!' bwahahahahaha!!!!! Sakit siak perot aku!!!!'
'.............'
'What?! It was funny.'
'No it wasnt. It was stupid.'
'So's your face!'
' * sigh * Your opinion on the subject please.'
' Well, I think your face is like someone took an stupid-stick and beat it in the shape of a stupid-'
' IM NOT TALKING ABOUT MY FACE!'
' * BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! * '
' Order! ORDER! ORDER! * bang bang bang *'
' Kuey Tiau Hailam satu! Minom ais limau. Kurang manis. Kasi lap meja ni sekali bang eh?'
' * with great restraint * Will.You.Please. Give. Your. Take. On. The. Situation!!!!!!!'
' Well, just now you said 'Order! Order! and then I said 'Kuey Tiau Hailam-'
' THANK YOU Idiotic Actions department. Moving along'
'....and then I said, 'So's your face!Pffbhhhtttt!!!!!Ohshit,I just sprayed coffee through my nose.'
'I SAID MOVING ALONG! Embarrassment Department.
'k. um. y'know...just...turnaround...puton a red face... fiddle with... the handphone...'
'You're going to have to speak louder.'
'k. isaid..y'know..fiddlewith the... phone. and.. just..y'know...bowthehead down and..'
'What? Eh? Where're you going? So, after hearing all the points from the respective departments, they all suck. Because this is Us we're talking about, and Quick Thinking department is on vacation, we'll use the Wheel of Random Action(TM).'
'Whatever. We dont give a fuck.'
* turn turn turn turn turn turn CLICK.*
'Well, waddaya know. Its settled then. Meeting adjourned. Next one to chair a meeting would be... Embarrassment Dept.'
'what?no...'
And so, I turned around, bowed my head and took out the handphone and fiddled with it and walked away with a red face. Then I saw Nurul and Faisal on the other side of the road and I walked towards them, feeling as if my head would explode. From which they pointed and laughed. Bastards.
Heh heh. That is all.
Those were the exact words that I said to a totally and utterly complete stranger. And by stranger, I mean, I never knew that person existed, I've never met her before, never seen her walk down the street, never seen her naked with no clothes on, and so forth.
It was around 11am and the bosses werent around so we went down for a 5 minute smoke break. Nurul the Smoker and Faisal the Ex-Mat Rem had already gone down to the parking lot while I was settling a few loose ends up in the studio. After finishing whatever, I went down to join them and I saw Nurul in front of the doorway, smoking. The first thing I noticed was her extremely new handphone that she was holding in her hand. Which I thought was kinda weird because she had just recently bought a Nokia.
'Huyoo, handphone baru siak!!!' I burst out, while still looking at the phone. It was a Sony Erricson or something. 'Rokok sebatang!'
Silence. No usual response from Nurul or any movement of 'Giving Saddiq the Cancer Stick'.
Suddenly, it dawned upon me that that person was NOT Nurul! She only looked like Nurul from behind.
Within that few seconds, a debate started on what my next course of action should be.
'Everyone here?'
'We're here laa, dumbass. Where do you think we're gonna go? Out on an out of body experience? Bodo ni.'
'Uh, right. Okay, so our topic for today is, 'What should I do when confronting with a i'm a jackass-WHO WROTE THIS?!'
' * snigger * '
'OH HAHA! VERY FUNNY! FUCKN' HILARIOUS! Cibet...'
' * khakahkahkahkaa. * '
'NOW if we could move on. As I WAS SAYING, the topic for today is 'WHAT SHOULD I do when confronting with an embarassing mistaken identity situation with a Complete Stranger. Let us start with the... Fight or Flight Department. What say you?'
'WELL,SIMPLE. FIRST WE RUN TOWARDS HER AND DROP-KICK HER IN THE FACE- ohgodohgodohgodlaridohbahayani- AND AFTERTHAT IM GONNA FOLLOW UP WITH A BODYSLAM.THEN IMNA TAKE A TRASHCAN AND- kepalahotakahgilengkosekalidiatahukungfucamanasiakwehblahah...AND WE COULD GIVE HER THE OL' FROG SPLASH FROM THE SECOND FLOOR...?'
'Uh. Right. Thank you for the input. ye psychos... Now. Lets hear from the Kontrol Macho Dept.
'Well, senang je beb. Cenggini ah, first, kita tenung mata dia kan, thats mean kita kasi connection Eyes Contact,baru ada Feeling. Pastu kita selamba je aaa kasi cakap sama dia 'Eh, Kak Long / Amoi, Sorry lar. I ingatkan you ni kawan I tadi. Haw Haw Haw. You nie cute lar. So, you ni dari mana. I worked here in this opis. Ni pirst time I nampak you kat sini.' Pastu apa lagi, mintak la nombor tepon pastu-'
'ARE YOU CRAZY, SHES OLD! ha'atuagakehblahjeahkangdiapanggilboydiapukolkitakang- AND SHE NOT THAT HOT EITHER. WE COULD SLAM A TABLE IN HER FACE FOR BEING UGL-'
'Ye ke tak cun? Kthnxbye.'
'Thank you kontrol macho Department. penyapu... So, next on the list would be, Rational And Common Sense Department.'
'Apologize. Say You're Sorry And Explain That You Mistook Her For Another Person. Give Her A Cheesy Grin And Just Accept The Fact That Humans Make Mistakes. We Are Human Afterall. If She's Like Us, She Would Nod And Grin Because Shes Human Too.'
'Okay. like that'll happen. And now, Idiotic Actions Deparment. Whats your take on the situation? Idiotic Actions Deparment? Woi!'
'.... and then he said, 'IM A JACKASS!' bwahahahahaha!!!!! Sakit siak perot aku!!!!'
'.............'
'What?! It was funny.'
'No it wasnt. It was stupid.'
'So's your face!'
' * sigh * Your opinion on the subject please.'
' Well, I think your face is like someone took an stupid-stick and beat it in the shape of a stupid-'
' IM NOT TALKING ABOUT MY FACE!'
' * BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! * '
' Order! ORDER! ORDER! * bang bang bang *'
' Kuey Tiau Hailam satu! Minom ais limau. Kurang manis. Kasi lap meja ni sekali bang eh?'
' * with great restraint * Will.You.Please. Give. Your. Take. On. The. Situation!!!!!!!'
' Well, just now you said 'Order! Order! and then I said 'Kuey Tiau Hailam-'
' THANK YOU Idiotic Actions department. Moving along'
'....and then I said, 'So's your face!Pffbhhhtttt!!!!!Ohshit,I just sprayed coffee through my nose.'
'I SAID MOVING ALONG! Embarrassment Department.
'k. um. y'know...just...turnaround...puton a red face... fiddle with... the handphone...'
'You're going to have to speak louder.'
'k. isaid..y'know..fiddlewith the... phone. and.. just..y'know...bowthehead down and..'
'What? Eh? Where're you going? So, after hearing all the points from the respective departments, they all suck. Because this is Us we're talking about, and Quick Thinking department is on vacation, we'll use the Wheel of Random Action(TM).'
'Whatever. We dont give a fuck.'
* turn turn turn turn turn turn CLICK.*
'Well, waddaya know. Its settled then. Meeting adjourned. Next one to chair a meeting would be... Embarrassment Dept.'
'what?no...'
And so, I turned around, bowed my head and took out the handphone and fiddled with it and walked away with a red face. Then I saw Nurul and Faisal on the other side of the road and I walked towards them, feeling as if my head would explode. From which they pointed and laughed. Bastards.
Heh heh. That is all.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
6 weird things about yourself.
Another tag by that fella Farouk @ Areng @ Tze Bai. Kang aku tak buat, merajuk. Lepas tu buat firewall kat JB lepas tu aku takleh masuk JB bile aku balik sana. Lepas tu aku terpaksa hack pakai backdoor masuk decryption key lalu Mersing. Lepas tu ko hanto anti-virus untuk nak search and destroy aku. Pastu aku pon defend diri aku. Pastu perang kat Kota Tinggi. Lepas tu banjir lagi. Nyusahkan orang. Aku tak suka gadoh gadoh, ni Farok. But if I have to...
hehe.
So, on with the tag.
6 weird things about yourself.
My idiosyncrasies:
hehe.
So, on with the tag.
6 weird things about yourself.
My idiosyncrasies:
- My yellow penknife must be in my right back pants pocket. Why? I dunno. When I need to cut something, hey, its there. I think,nay, I KNOW the habit started when I worked at The Zon hotel. I used to get mighty pissed when I lacked the tool to cut. So there it was. Nowadays, I even carry it when I go out on the weekends.
- I hate it when I get my elbows wet while eating.
- I go to work wearing selipar jamban and leave my shoes at the office.
- I dont like to read the papers and I hate politics.
- I'm not into cars and/or football. But 2 of my favourite games on the PS2 are Pro Evolution Soccer and Need For Speed.
- My idea of good weekend is to hang out at home with a good book, the PS2, the net and DOTA. (I say this because I dont have a girlfriend.)
4 things you wont leave behind.
Damn that Farok... tagging me with this mindless time waster. Well, here goes.
4 things you wont leave behind.
You unlucky sod. ;)
4 things you wont leave behind.
- my mind
- my left hand
- my multi-tasking ability to be sarcastic and piss people off at the same time.
- my teeth.
You unlucky sod. ;)
Friday, April 06, 2007
The young and the Museless.
Part 2 of 2.
It was D-Day (whatever the hell that meant) and I've already gotten the tickets from mums. 'Muse, baby!' I exclaimed to her, who hadn't a clue who or what they were but knew its "one of those concerts young people go to... and balik cepat! Jangan ko nak jalan jalan buat menda tak senonoh tak tentu arah memalam buta tu karang!" (Translation: You get into any trouble, I will smack you into another nationality." Or something along those lines.)
My cuz picked me up at the LRT station and we headed out for the concert. The concert was at 8pm but we came earlier because we were afraid that there would be a shortage of parking and a summons from the fuzz for parking illegally on a sidewalk was something that would totally suck! So we did the right thing and parked at some parking spot that cost us about 6 bucks (the cads) which was about 5 minutes away from the concert. Okay, okay, so it wasnt that bad, the 6 bucks. We were just being cheap. Wait a minute, why the hell am I ranting about the ticket cost? I didn't have to pay jack shit. Muehehe.
So anyways,the street on the way to concert was crawling with people. Mostly teenagers and young adults. But I was a bit surprised seeing a few 35-somethings in the concert as well. Dont they have Elton John or Michael Bolton for this type of event or something?
As I walked up towards the gates, I could see a bunch of street peddlers selling (illegal. Okay, unofficial if you wanna get technical) Muse merchandise that they prolly printed on some cheap printer and laminated. Its amazing how laminate makes things seem more exclusive. They also sold t-shirts and, get this: Muse burgers! What the fuck?! Somehow, I imagined someone buying a burger...
'Gimme a burger.'
'A Muse burger?'
'Uh, what the hells a Muse burger?'
'Lettuce, tomatoes,onions, beef patty, special sauce. Inna sesame seed bun.'
'Uh, isn't that exactly what a plain beef burger's like?'
'Yeah, but it's not inna sesame seed bun.'
'Thats all?! Screw it. Gimme a plain beef burger.'
'Sorry. We dont have normal burgers.'
'How come?'
'We dont have non-sesame seed buns.'
'FINE! Gimme a Muse burger then!'
'Can't.'
'Why the fuck not?!'
'We only sell t-shirts here. Bodoh.'
Heh heh. Anyway, I snapped out of my stupid day dream and we went in. The first thing I did as I walked inside was to try and find a flippin' toilet. Which, lucky for me, was only a few feet away from our seating area. Not bad, the toilets. It was surprisingly clean. Even though the flusher didnt work. But hey, who needs flushers when you have a clean toilet, eh? Eh? I didn't want to spoil a good ironic statement so I didnt flush. Muse on that, Mr. Toilet Cleaner man. bwahaha!
We got our seats and had to wait a while until everyone filled in their seats. An hour and a half later, the lights went out, followed by the screaming of people and officially, the show began. It was fuckin' awesome. A few dudes and chicks took the chance, I saw, to sneak over to the more expensive part of the seating area before the RELA dudes knew what was going on. Damn fuckers stole my plan, only we were too chicken. Wait, I wasnt. My cuz was.
The show started with them opening with the song... uh, Ufhumkvl Whupshummesomething... and later continued with the song... Shamfhum boghosumfin. I dont have a clue what the name of the songs were, allright? Hell, I dont even know the names of the bandmembers, let alone the names of all the songs! Still, that didn't stop me from having a kickass time. We sang along to whatever shred of song lyric that we could remember while others were followed by humming and the occasional 'nyanyi ikot sukati abah aku'. But it was fun nonetheless. I mentioned to my cuz that one of the most common things that performers do when doing a show in another country is to say something in the native language. Because thats what you do when performing at a concert abroad. But it'd be funny though if you suddenly decide to be a Mr Smartypants and say something like Good Evening or whatever in some other language when performing in your home ground. 'SELAMAT PETANG!!' you would say, and people'd be like, 'Amende lu bebual ni mat. Tak paham doh.' Then people'd riot because they thought that the performer said something about their mum or something. Then things would be all nasty or whatever and somehow, it'll end with some country in the Middle East getting invaded.
But I digress.
True enough, the vocalist, uh, Billy Idol or whatever his name was, said 'Selamat Petang!' Which was partly funny because theres no way in hell 8.30pm was petang. Unless if you're in Alaska. Or Segamat. But anyway, I figured some malay speaking person was probably asked what 'Good Evening' was in BM and figured that prolly 'Selamat Malam' isnt really a good thing for Kanye West or whatever his name was, to say so he says 'Selamat Petang' which was actually correct. That is, until 7pm. After that, its 'Selamat Malam'. Right? Uh. Yeah.
Two hours later, it ended and we went home. But before going, we waited about 15 minutes to see Muse get escourted out. But they didnt appear so we got bored and left. Fuck that. Y'know what, the way I see it, YOU didnt get to see US! Yeah, thats right! So you can get in your expensive rented van with your gorilla bodyguards and RELA and police escourts and miss the chance to see us! Plug that in, baby! Hah!
Then we went for a kickass tandoori and roti nan supper. Because thats what you eat after a kickass concert.
The End. Bodoh.
It was D-Day (whatever the hell that meant) and I've already gotten the tickets from mums. 'Muse, baby!' I exclaimed to her, who hadn't a clue who or what they were but knew its "one of those concerts young people go to... and balik cepat! Jangan ko nak jalan jalan buat menda tak senonoh tak tentu arah memalam buta tu karang!" (Translation: You get into any trouble, I will smack you into another nationality." Or something along those lines.)
My cuz picked me up at the LRT station and we headed out for the concert. The concert was at 8pm but we came earlier because we were afraid that there would be a shortage of parking and a summons from the fuzz for parking illegally on a sidewalk was something that would totally suck! So we did the right thing and parked at some parking spot that cost us about 6 bucks (the cads) which was about 5 minutes away from the concert. Okay, okay, so it wasnt that bad, the 6 bucks. We were just being cheap. Wait a minute, why the hell am I ranting about the ticket cost? I didn't have to pay jack shit. Muehehe.
So anyways,the street on the way to concert was crawling with people. Mostly teenagers and young adults. But I was a bit surprised seeing a few 35-somethings in the concert as well. Dont they have Elton John or Michael Bolton for this type of event or something?
As I walked up towards the gates, I could see a bunch of street peddlers selling (illegal. Okay, unofficial if you wanna get technical) Muse merchandise that they prolly printed on some cheap printer and laminated. Its amazing how laminate makes things seem more exclusive. They also sold t-shirts and, get this: Muse burgers! What the fuck?! Somehow, I imagined someone buying a burger...
'Gimme a burger.'
'A Muse burger?'
'Uh, what the hells a Muse burger?'
'Lettuce, tomatoes,onions, beef patty, special sauce. Inna sesame seed bun.'
'Uh, isn't that exactly what a plain beef burger's like?'
'Yeah, but it's not inna sesame seed bun.'
'Thats all?! Screw it. Gimme a plain beef burger.'
'Sorry. We dont have normal burgers.'
'How come?'
'We dont have non-sesame seed buns.'
'FINE! Gimme a Muse burger then!'
'Can't.'
'Why the fuck not?!'
'We only sell t-shirts here. Bodoh.'
Heh heh. Anyway, I snapped out of my stupid day dream and we went in. The first thing I did as I walked inside was to try and find a flippin' toilet. Which, lucky for me, was only a few feet away from our seating area. Not bad, the toilets. It was surprisingly clean. Even though the flusher didnt work. But hey, who needs flushers when you have a clean toilet, eh? Eh? I didn't want to spoil a good ironic statement so I didnt flush. Muse on that, Mr. Toilet Cleaner man. bwahaha!
We got our seats and had to wait a while until everyone filled in their seats. An hour and a half later, the lights went out, followed by the screaming of people and officially, the show began. It was fuckin' awesome. A few dudes and chicks took the chance, I saw, to sneak over to the more expensive part of the seating area before the RELA dudes knew what was going on. Damn fuckers stole my plan, only we were too chicken. Wait, I wasnt. My cuz was.
The show started with them opening with the song... uh, Ufhumkvl Whupshummesomething... and later continued with the song... Shamfhum boghosumfin. I dont have a clue what the name of the songs were, allright? Hell, I dont even know the names of the bandmembers, let alone the names of all the songs! Still, that didn't stop me from having a kickass time. We sang along to whatever shred of song lyric that we could remember while others were followed by humming and the occasional 'nyanyi ikot sukati abah aku'. But it was fun nonetheless. I mentioned to my cuz that one of the most common things that performers do when doing a show in another country is to say something in the native language. Because thats what you do when performing at a concert abroad. But it'd be funny though if you suddenly decide to be a Mr Smartypants and say something like Good Evening or whatever in some other language when performing in your home ground. 'SELAMAT PETANG!!' you would say, and people'd be like, 'Amende lu bebual ni mat. Tak paham doh.' Then people'd riot because they thought that the performer said something about their mum or something. Then things would be all nasty or whatever and somehow, it'll end with some country in the Middle East getting invaded.But I digress.
True enough, the vocalist, uh, Billy Idol or whatever his name was, said 'Selamat Petang!' Which was partly funny because theres no way in hell 8.30pm was petang. Unless if you're in Alaska. Or Segamat. But anyway, I figured some malay speaking person was probably asked what 'Good Evening' was in BM and figured that prolly 'Selamat Malam' isnt really a good thing for Kanye West or whatever his name was, to say so he says 'Selamat Petang' which was actually correct. That is, until 7pm. After that, its 'Selamat Malam'. Right? Uh. Yeah.
Two hours later, it ended and we went home. But before going, we waited about 15 minutes to see Muse get escourted out. But they didnt appear so we got bored and left. Fuck that. Y'know what, the way I see it, YOU didnt get to see US! Yeah, thats right! So you can get in your expensive rented van with your gorilla bodyguards and RELA and police escourts and miss the chance to see us! Plug that in, baby! Hah!Then we went for a kickass tandoori and roti nan supper. Because thats what you eat after a kickass concert.
The End. Bodoh.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Naked pictures galore!!!!
I lie.
But seriously, here be some shit we did on our (supposed) free time. I'd apologize for the lack of accuracy in some of the pictures, but I dont really want to.
But seriously, here be some shit we did on our (supposed) free time. I'd apologize for the lack of accuracy in some of the pictures, but I dont really want to.
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