The Porn in Starbucks

I was a Sunday. Both my sisters decided that it'd be fun to go out, all 8 of us to go catch a movie. They watched Harry Potsmoker and the whatever while I watched a non-gay movie: Die Hard 4.0. It was awesome! JOHN MCLANES DIES IN THE END! Spoiler ALERT:

Oops. The 'Spoiler Alert' was supposed to be in front, wasnt it? Oh silly me.bwarghahaha!

Anyhoot, before the movies, and because Die Hard and Hairy Potty's times were different ( mine was one and half hour later), I decided to while my time away at some starbucks and reading a novel that I borrowed off some rental bookshop. Which, by the way, had 2 hot receptionists by the name of Melissa and, I dont know know the other ones name. Melissa, if you're reading this, just so you know, if you were a book, I'd rent you. Of course, I make no promises that I wont read you in the john while taking a dump. What the fuck does that even mean anyway?!!?!

Enough fantasies.

Where was I? Right. Starbucks. There I was, sipping on a cup of blatantly expensive ice blended coffee when suddenly, some Mat Salleh chick in a short skirt sat in the chair in front of me. She was busy talking on her handphone and I just sat there, barely glancing at her slightly smooth tanned legs and trying hard to concentrate on the last sentence of whatever the fuck I was reading. From her accent, I could easily distinguish the fact that she was either from Russia, or Italy, or Kelantan.

Dont believe me?? Checkit! Oh yeah, those are my shoes right there, guy! And there be the chick, in all her short skirty glory. I like! How much?!

In between paragraphs, I imagined that, if this had been a porno, it'd prolly be like this:

The woman walks in the coffee shop, the rain that she had just run through had formed visible beads on her svelte, bare parts of her body. She was wearing a short white skirt and a tank top. Her hair was done in a tight pony tail, which she unravels as she enters. She waves her head back and forth. Water from her hair flew in all directions. She was talking on her handphone. There I was, reading a thick hardcover novel, nay, dictionary, which only smart manly men read (while holding it single handedly). I saw her running through the rain and I smiled an inward smile. You lucky woman you.

The wind that came in through as she walked through the doors blew my hair and it fluttered lazily, revealing my rough, manly features. I glanced at her entrance as she quickly proceeds to sit in the empty chair in front of me, oblivious to my presence while still in her busy phone chat, with whoever. I forgive her.

She suddenly looks at me and her features change, as if, for the first time in her life, she is finally seeing the man that has been haunting her romantic dreams all these years. I chuckle softly inside. This is too easy...

Our eyes locked. She gasps as she drops her phone. I stood up, putting down my manly thick hardcover dictionary that I had been holding single handedly, and picked up her phone. I proceed to return the phone to her, while our eyes still interlocked in a massive optical embrace that could melt steel. Steel, I say!

'You dropped your phone, miss,' I spoke. My manly voice reverberates across the tiny room. A glass at the end of the room shakes, spilling liquid slightly. The howling wind blows in through the doors again, scaterring our hairs in all directions. I smile at her. My teeth gleam in the dim light. Suddenly, 70s easy listening disco plays in the background. Pakapakapau kepau pau pau paka pau....

'Timo kaseh, be. Licing tange kawe ni tadi oh. Huje lebok kak luor tu wohh. Sorry ah kawe tak perase abe dok kat depang ni tadi. Kawan kawe telphong ni tadi nih... gedemek betowl, bla bla bla...'

Pakakapaupau-SCRRRRREEEAAACCCHHH!!!!

I snap out of my daydream as if someone had suddenly ran in and drop kicked me square in the face! HOLY CRAP! Where the fuckin' 'ell did that Kelantan accent come from?!?!

Well, that pretty much ended the porno in my brain...

Then I went off for the movie. It.was.awesome! More awesome than sissy transformers, I say. And yes, more awesome than the porn in brain.

Okay, thats all.