The Oops.

"Huyoo, handphone baru siak!!!! Rokok sebatang!"

Those were the exact words that I said to a totally and utterly complete stranger. And by stranger, I mean, I never knew that person existed, I've never met her before, never seen her walk down the street, never seen her naked with no clothes on, and so forth.

It was around 11am and the bosses werent around so we went down for a 5 minute smoke break. Nurul the Smoker and Faisal the Ex-Mat Rem had already gone down to the parking lot while I was settling a few loose ends up in the studio. After finishing whatever, I went down to join them and I saw Nurul in front of the doorway, smoking. The first thing I noticed was her extremely new handphone that she was holding in her hand. Which I thought was kinda weird because she had just recently bought a Nokia.

'Huyoo, handphone baru siak!!!' I burst out, while still looking at the phone. It was a Sony Erricson or something. 'Rokok sebatang!'

Silence. No usual response from Nurul or any movement of 'Giving Saddiq the Cancer Stick'.

Suddenly, it dawned upon me that that person was NOT Nurul! She only looked like Nurul from behind.

Within that few seconds, a debate started on what my next course of action should be.

'Everyone here?'

'We're here laa, dumbass. Where do you think we're gonna go? Out on an out of body experience? Bodo ni.'

'Uh, right. Okay, so our topic for today is, 'What should I do when confronting with a i'm a jackass-WHO WROTE THIS?!'

' * snigger * '

'OH HAHA! VERY FUNNY! FUCKN' HILARIOUS! Cibet...'

' * khakahkahkahkaa. * '

'NOW if we could move on. As I WAS SAYING, the topic for today is 'WHAT SHOULD I do when confronting with an embarassing mistaken identity situation with a Complete Stranger. Let us start with the... Fight or Flight Department. What say you?'

'WELL,SIMPLE. FIRST WE RUN TOWARDS HER AND DROP-KICK HER IN THE FACE- ohgodohgodohgodlaridohbahayani- AND AFTERTHAT IM GONNA FOLLOW UP WITH A BODYSLAM.THEN IMNA TAKE A TRASHCAN AND- kepalahotakahgilengkosekalidiatahukungfucamanasiakwehblahah...AND WE COULD GIVE HER THE OL' FROG SPLASH FROM THE SECOND FLOOR...?'

'Uh. Right. Thank you for the input. ye psychos... Now. Lets hear from the Kontrol Macho Dept.

'Well, senang je beb. Cenggini ah, first, kita tenung mata dia kan, thats mean kita kasi connection Eyes Contact,baru ada Feeling. Pastu kita selamba je aaa kasi cakap sama dia 'Eh, Kak Long / Amoi, Sorry lar. I ingatkan you ni kawan I tadi. Haw Haw Haw. You nie cute lar. So, you ni dari mana. I worked here in this opis. Ni pirst time I nampak you kat sini.' Pastu apa lagi, mintak la nombor tepon pastu-'

'ARE YOU CRAZY, SHES OLD! ha'atuagakehblahjeahkangdiapanggilboydiapukolkitakang- AND SHE NOT THAT HOT EITHER. WE COULD SLAM A TABLE IN HER FACE FOR BEING UGL-'

'Ye ke tak cun? Kthnxbye.'

'Thank you kontrol macho Department. penyapu... So, next on the list would be, Rational And Common Sense Department.'

'Apologize. Say You're Sorry And Explain That You Mistook Her For Another Person. Give Her A Cheesy Grin And Just Accept The Fact That Humans Make Mistakes. We Are Human Afterall. If She's Like Us, She Would Nod And Grin Because Shes Human Too.'

'Okay. like that'll happen. And now, Idiotic Actions Deparment. Whats your take on the situation? Idiotic Actions Deparment? Woi!'

'.... and then he said, 'IM A JACKASS!' bwahahahahaha!!!!! Sakit siak perot aku!!!!'

'.............'

'What?! It was funny.'

'No it wasnt. It was stupid.'

'So's your face!'

' * sigh * Your opinion on the subject please.'

' Well, I think your face is like someone took an stupid-stick and beat it in the shape of a stupid-'

' IM NOT TALKING ABOUT MY FACE!'

' * BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! * '

' Order! ORDER! ORDER! * bang bang bang *'

' Kuey Tiau Hailam satu! Minom ais limau. Kurang manis. Kasi lap meja ni sekali bang eh?'

' * with great restraint * Will.You.Please. Give. Your. Take. On. The. Situation!!!!!!!'

' Well, just now you said 'Order! Order! and then I said 'Kuey Tiau Hailam-'

' THANK YOU Idiotic Actions department. Moving along'

'....and then I said, 'So's your face!Pffbhhhtttt!!!!!Ohshit,I just sprayed coffee through my nose.'

'I SAID MOVING ALONG! Embarrassment Department.

'k. um. y'know...just...turnaround...puton a red face... fiddle with... the handphone...'

'You're going to have to speak louder.'

'k. isaid..y'know..fiddlewith the... phone. and.. just..y'know...bowthehead down and..'

'What? Eh? Where're you going? So, after hearing all the points from the respective departments, they all suck. Because this is Us we're talking about, and Quick Thinking department is on vacation, we'll use the Wheel of Random Action(TM).'

'Whatever. We dont give a fuck.'

* turn turn turn turn turn turn CLICK.*

'Well, waddaya know. Its settled then. Meeting adjourned. Next one to chair a meeting would be... Embarrassment Dept.'

'what?no...'

And so, I turned around, bowed my head and took out the handphone and fiddled with it and walked away with a red face. Then I saw Nurul and Faisal on the other side of the road and I walked towards them, feeling as if my head would explode. From which they pointed and laughed. Bastards.

Heh heh. That is all.