Weeks of Pain

So yeah, it's been a while since my last update. That's cool. There'll prolly be more weeks of updates-nonexistent. Consistently inconsistent, my motto is. Heh heh.

But anyways, a couple of things happened that generally revolves around work, and also of things that are none your flippin' business, so I'll pretty much skip that shit.

A while back, I contracted, for want of a better word, 2 medical conditions that either : messed up any activity that required me to go about shirtless in public, or any sort of running or jogging plans I had (bahahaha! jogging!). This post is for the first one.

The first was the apparent STD by the awesomely awful name of... wait for it... Herpes! Heh heh, I could almost hear it now. 'He had the WHAT?' Settle down! I DONT have herpes, goddamit!

How'd I apparently get it? A couple of months ago, I left a t-shirt over at my sisters house and I totally fergot about it. Anyways, I got it back, put it on and went to work, thinking alls cool.

It wasn't.

Zooming forward to lunchtime that day, I began to itch on the chest area just slightly North-East to my right nipple. Oh, it itched bad! I thought nothing of it and I just scratched. Like a cat scratches the ground just before taking a dump. Ye..eah. Because I was so busy with work and everything, I absent mindedly scratched the spot continously, thinking that it must've been some dumb-ass mosquito that had a fetish for man-boob blood that'd bitten me the night before.

Later when I got home, the itching continued, and looking at a mirror, I was surprised to find several blisters had developed on the skin.

Dont panic, I said. It'll go away eventually. It didnt. Then it began to hurt. The skin around it felt tender, like someone poured hot mushroom soup on your chest, and not in a kinky way. I'd gone and put some anti-fungal cream on it but still no go. I bet the thing was confused. I imagine it going, 'Excuse me, but wtf do you think you're doing, sir? I, am NOT some cheap fungal infection that grows about on damp places of your skin! Stop this at once! It's embarassing for both of us! I'm already getting funny looks from your right nipple!'

I couldnt take it anymore, because, the whole feeling of it was like this; it was painful AND itchy at the SAME time and I couldnt scratch it because of the blisters. And if I've learned anything from the Discovery Channel is never poke a sleeping skunk and never scratch a liquid-filled blister. Also, a time machine does not exist. Yet.

So I went to a pharmacist to buy more potent creams. I showed the pharmacist lady the area, and she suggested I go see a doctor. I did and this is where things got really messed up. The doctor, upon seeing the area, got all serious on me and asked, 'Have you had any sexual contact these past couple of days?'

'Pardon? Can you run that by me again?' I said.

'Have you had any sexual contact these past couple of days? From the look of it, I suspect it's a sign that you might have herpes.'

'I've never taken any womans peas, sir! AND no, I have NEVER had ANY sexual contact at ALL!' Except with Shanon Elizabeth. In my head! But I didnt tell him this.

'No no, HERPES. It's an STD.'

'I see. Again, no.'

'Well, from the state of the skin, I suspect it's herpes. I'll give you some bla bla bla' he went on and later he gave me some cream and some anti-viral tablets.

Well, this a confusing state of events that's developed. Me, being the virgin that I am, who was about as promiscuous as a banana, had somehow contracted an STD that's generally reserved for pimps, pirates and hookers. Earned myself a nickname 'Herpes boy' from friends when I told them about it. Bastards.

But then, along came my friend Kong with the answer. I showed him the area one day and said that it wasn't herpes and he'd gone through the same shit from the last doctor that diagnosed him.

'You got bitten by a Charlie beetle (Rove beetle). Or rather, got sprayed by it's extremely potent acidic defense mechanism. I got it the last time when I was in college. There was a Charlie beetle outbreak at the time and the skin condition is exactly the same. Like you, the doctor asked if I had any sexual contact the past couple of days. No and it couldn't be, I said, because theres 5 people waiting outside from my college with the same skin condition as mine. Doctor then said it must be a Charlie beetle,' he said.

Well, thats a load of my mind. I later checked the t shirt that I wore before and I saw that there WERE patches of dried liquid from the bugs butt on the same exact place where the itches began. Did a Google and these Charlie bugs are NASTY. It was one of the most dangerous bugs in bugdom with a potent chemical mix in its stinger. Its venom is so potent that even if the creature died and its husk crushed and rubbed on the skin, the poison would still retain its nasty effect, like the one I had. Whats worse is if the blisters on the affected area was scratched or burst, more would grow.

Well, all's well now. The general remedy was to not scratch the area and just keep the area dry. Left a couple of scarred dots on my skin, it did!

Well, if anyones used Youtube, I too can confidently say that Charlie bit me. Or left a 'booby' trap. Buahahaha.

Herpes, my ass.

Next post: Me and My left foot. Of pain.