The Passport story.

'Why don't you just make it at Shah Alam,' she said. 'It's quicker there.'

'Oh, okay then. No problemo,' I says.

Apparently, my sister was wrong. It WASNT quicker there. In fact, it was curiously slow. Not the 'I-Want-To-Gnaw-My-Left-Spleen-And-Hang-Myself-With-My-Nose-Hair' slow, but it was pretty close. Im talking about applying for a passport at the Shah Alam immigrations office.

Imagine having to wake up at the crack of dawn (7.30am) on a Wednesday, bathing in a shower that hadnt any cold water and having to wait in line 25kilometres* long for 2 hours, just to get a number, so you can wait another 2 hours to send in your forms, so you can wait another 3 hours, so you can finally, FINALLY get a little red book with 32 pages that costs RM300!!! Holy Fucking Shit On A Stick! I tell you, the last time I paid that much for a book, it had pictures of naked wom- furniture! And I tell you, those are some not bad looking furniture too!**

Anyway.

2 days it took me to make this damn passport. The first day sucked because after queueing for more than 2 hours to even GET a freakin' number, the guy in charge of Telling People The Bad News went and did his job. 'We're All out of Numbers', he said,with an expression that made you want slap him in the face so hard, his moustache'd move to his armpits. Damn that moustached man for doing his job.

'Hek eleh!!! Apa jadahnye habis plak ni. Aku tunggu punye lama pastu suka suka ngkau je nak cakap nombor abis,' I thought to myself. My internal dialogue's usually in Bahasa. Anyway, a rough translation would be 'Heyk Eyleyh! What the Jadah finish already??? I wait long time, suddenly your like like only want to say the number finish.'

Whatever.

And so, fornlornly did I plod back to the car. Man was I pissed. I was so pissed, I couldnt think straight when playing the totally awesome 'God of War' game on my spanking brand new second hand PS2. I was that pissed. (but I killed Aries in the end. After dying 25 times. I tell you, if I wasnt pissed, there'd be less dying for me. Maybe like, 23 deaths TOPS!)

The next day, I went back and arrived there at 8am, thinking that I beat all those other bastards to the door. Didnt happen. As the door to the lifts opened, I was met with several hundred people queueing already. Alamak ai.. sakitnye hati wa cakap sama lu.

And so as I said before; 2 hours I waited just to get a number, so I can wait another 2 hours to send in my forms, so I can wait another 3 hours, so I can finally, FINALLY get a little red book with 32 pages that costs RM300!

But in the end, all was well. I got the passport. Had to sit next to a lady that smelt sweetly of wet carpets for 2 hours, but I got the damn passport.

Germany'd better be worth it.


*not really. It's actually less than that. really.
** just kidding. They weren't pictures of naked furniture. It was pottery.