It all began with a silly question...

2:10 AM

Andre: oit

tak tido lagi ka?

me: thats a silly question to ask, isn't it? i mean, if i was sleeping, would i be replying???

thats right, you silence confirms it

Andre: now that reply is valid if you were to reply while i was typing

me: ah.

so i answered by, how do i say it, the process, of answering. i ultimately answered your question as i was typing it? is that what you're saying?

Andre: nope, your answer would be valid by replying before the question is asked. Isnt it? i mean you did reply that by replying you are not asleep and my questions is invalid as thus sound silly

me: no no. my reply was not a reply to your question. my reply was merely an action taken in response to your inquiry. had I answered 'yes', that would have been a reply.

however, i did not answer with a 'yes'.

Andre is typing a message

i answered with a retort stating how silly your question was.

Andre is typing a message

in essence, my reply was not a reply.

Andre is typing a message

my reply was a non-reply to a question that wasnt a valid question.

Andre is typing a message

as you are typing your response.

Andre is typing a message

i have disconnected.

Andre is typing a message

Qiddas has disconnected.

Andre: replies are not limited to conformation and you did reply with a question of cynical nature to the point of asking the question.

chicken.

Andre's new status message - Effing A. Woke up to a mind fuck discussion and now im hungry

me: however, i was in invisible mode.

my invisible mode was, in actuality, a ccccccccombo breaker

not only have i won an epic win, i have also dominated your soul.

i have gone visible again. i am awesome.

me: you have left without acknowledging my statement. you bloody bastard.

So I got a new chair.

'Hello, could you direct me to your shop please?' I asked the guy over the phone.

'Yes, you see pizza hut, you go straight, you turn left. Our shop number 34.'

'34, you say? Thank you,' I said and 2 seconds later, we got lost. Twice. Syed was driving. I was the navigator and I was crap.

But in the end, we didn't get to THE second hand shop in TTDI but we did get to A second hand shop in TTDI.

For years have I been using a plastic chair-the kind you find at mamak stall, weddings, school gatherings, funerals- you know the type? the one with the one basic template to rule them all?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I have bought a second hand chair and I'm loving it.

Now, questions come to mind when buying 2nd hand stuff. The following seven are the ones that I could think of as I am writing this:

1) Has anyone accidentally peed on this chair?

2) Was the result of said pee the reason why the chair was sent off to a 2nd hand furniture shop?

3) Should I worry about getting STD's should I feel the need to sit naked on this chair. Like I'm doing now.

4) How do I wash a chair? Note that the chair is upholstered in cloth.

5) Do I put it in the washing machine? If it does not fit, should I take the wheels off?

6) Should I get off the chair while it, sans wheels, is in the washing machine?

7) I do not own a washing machine. Is my neighbour angry at me because I did not take the wheels off? Why is he threatening to call the police? He must calm down. I am his neighbour. He does not own the washing machine. His wife does.

I will never know the answers to these questions. But let it be known that this is an awesome chair. And I hope it is not possessed. Like that bastard Herbie car.

Fuck that volks.

Buzzcut ftw!!

Went to the barber the other day. Got me a buzzcut. Man it feels good.

If you were wondering, fotographico's my picture-taking company. It's pretty awesome.

My apparent personality.

See my Personality Profile

I think I shall.

Hair.

That's right. Hair.

It's that black stuff on your head that grows outta your scalp for reasons that nobody knows.

Okay, maybe it makes you look more unique than the other guy/chick. I mean, did you know that mirrors were probably invented because of hair? True probable fact.

'Man, seriously, this black shit on my head is pissing me off. Dude, seriously, how do I look?' he would ask a random stranger.

The stranger would say, 'Seeing as that I don't even know you and do not know how you would react if I were to give you an honest answer, I will tell you this -'

And the guy, who was not only smart but extremely impatient would say, 'You know what? Fuck you. I'm gonna invent a mirror.' And he did. Out of wood. As it turns out, he wasn't smart at all. He was as dumb as a brick. In fact, to call him as dumb as a brick was an insult to all bricks around the world, who had bachelors degrees in Being A Wall.

Okay, that rant was pretty useless, I know. I wanted to post something on hair and wanted to be all smart with it and all that I got was some stupid story.

These past couple of years, ever since I've moved to KL, I've been losing hair. That's right. If I just combed through with my fingers, I would get probably a couple of loose strands clinging between my fingers.

Now that goes double for the hair on my head...

So I've decided to go all army and shit and get myself a buzz-cut tomorrow. Why? I don't know. I guess I'm just tired of seeing hair all over my keyboard, my floor, my sink, my bed, my toilet, in my food- EVERYWHERE!

I also bought this anti hair-fall shampoo thats supposed to prevent hair-loss and I figured, I'll just level the playing field and give them hair roots (follicles. thats a fancy schmancy way of saying hair roots) a fair start at growing. That's the plan anyways.

But the question thats bugging me is... is my hair-fall caused by something I ate? Is it genetic? Did someone put a spell on my scalp? Are aliens invading earth and the hairfall is just my hair's way of saying, 'OhfuckOhfuckOhfuckTHEY'RE HERE!' ?

We will never know. But theres a little voice in me that keeps bugging and saying, 'You're growing old, Qiddas.' and part of me sooo wants to punch that voice in the face. Because the truth is... most probably... true. Hair raising, no?

I have removed the navbar!

Win!

An important promise...

me: dude
Cousin: yo
me: can i tell you something...
Cousin: can
me: but dont tell anyone
Cousin: no prob
me: promise?
Cousin: promise. u nak kawin?
me: no.. this is much more important.
Cousin: hehe
me: you promise?
Cousin: promise
me: ok.. i need to take a dump.
Cousin: wont tell any1. that's much more important than kawin definitly!
me: damn straight yo! imma send a very nasty message to the ninja turtles
Cousin: they'd probably eat it yo!
me: dont be silly. they eat pizzas. please be guided accordingly, tq.later man. remember, you promised.
Cousin: dont b silly. promises r made to b broken. tq
me: DAMN!

A really creepy story...

I'm just gonna start this blog back and hit the ground running with this true story.

This happened to me a couple of years back, and I've never actually told anyone about it until now. Mainly because it shocked me to the core when it happened and I never really recovered from it. Just thinking about it sends chills down my spine and goosebumps are travelling up and down my skin from the top of my head to the base of my testicles.

I was chased by ghosts.

Yes, you read read right. And no, I am not kidding. And no, it was NOT a dream. There are some traumatic things in life that you could probably just say, 'Fuckit, it was in the past. I am over it. I am now moving on with my life.' But not this. I could never 'get over it'. 'Moving on'? Well, thats a relative term for me.

In 1999, I worked in a fruit packing facility in JB. Not many people know this because I didn't tell anyone and, well, lets face it, after all the shit thats happened, I didn't last a week in that place.

Anyway, at the time, I was desperate. I had to find a job. Money didn't grow on trees and I needed the cash to pay for my bike and other expenses. I didn't really wan't to skimp off my parents, as I was staying under their roof, eating their food and watching their TV.

One night, after dinner with a few friends, I walked back to my bike and I saw an ad pasted on a telephone pole. 'Looking for Packing Manager.No experience-Nights shift. xxx salary, Work at xxx company, call xxx.' I looked at the ad and I figured, fuckit, I could do that shit. I've heard of the company and it did deal with import and export of fruits and shit. Why not? The money's kinda good. At least, until I moved on to my what I'm actually qualified to do.

So I got the contact number and called. A chinese lady answered and judging from her voice, she sounded kind of bewildered that I called. Which I found odd but I dismissed it as just some disgruntled secretary being attacked by the Red Army or something.

'Hello, xxx company,' she answered.

'Um, yeah,' I said. 'I'm calling for the post of Packing Manager. I saw your ad on a, uh, (in retrospect, I questioned myself, Why the hell did I answer an ad pasted on a telephone pole?!? I mean, who does that shit?!?!) an ad that I saw for the post of Packing Manager for the night shift?

I heard a sudden gasp of air on the other line.

'Uh, hello?'

'Y-yes... so you want apply for that job, ah? You have any experience?'

'No', I said. 'The ad said no experience requred?' Then I went on about my experience in so and so, past experiences and such.

'O-okay... um, you sure you want this job ah? Your experience different from this one. You may be over qualified, leh..'

'Miss, it's okay lah. I dont mind. I'm just doing this for the experience,' I lied. I need money, bitch!!!

'You come tomorrow can? We explain the job and you can start,' she paused a little, ' tomorrow tonight?'

No problem. I made my appointment and met up with the lady the next day. She introduced me to Mr. Lee, her boss. He was about fifty, fat, bald and smelled faintly of eggs. But he was fairly pleasant. He showed me around the warehouse, briefed me on what I had to do, fairly simple work. 'Sometimes the day shift workers get sloppy and drop things on the floor. This give trouble to our forklift, part of your job I want you to clean up. Simple job lah. You also need to take stock bla bla bla...' I glanced to the floor and noticed some yellow packing materials. 'Ok,' I said, shrugging.

As we reached a section of the warehouse, I noticed Mr. Lee glancing at an enclosed space next to some plywood walls. It was a rectangular box and painted blue and about the size of a container. Y'know, shipping containers, made of metal. Heavy as shit? Those.

'Whats in there,' I asked. As I looked at the box, a sudden chill swept over me. I looked at Mr. Lee and he sighed, but a look of terror flashed on his face for a second. 'Theres nothing in there. This area you no need to come and check. This area only morning people clean. I noticed the workers around there were keeping a wide berth from the blue box. The area WAS fairly dirty. Who the hell did the cleaning there? Stevie Wonder?

My shift started at 10pm. So after a late dinner, I put on the yellow uniform that I was given earlier in the day and I went off to work.

I was assigned a small desk in the middle of the warehouse and my first task was to sort out some orders and take stock of some random fruit or whatever. Now I'm not exactly what you would call a scaredy-cat but there was something about that warehouse that bothered me but I couldn't put my finger on it. The place was quite huge, with shelves and plywood walls scattered around the place. My first impression was, damn, this place is like a maze.

I glanced down and the yellow packing materials was everywhere! It's like those bastards in the day shift intentionally left it on the ground for the new guy to clean up. Motherfuckers! So I took a broom and pan and went down the aisle, cleaning as went. That's when I heard a faint noise from somewhere within the warehouse. I looked behind me. Nothing. Probably some stupid cat catching some mice or something. I continued my cleaning, cursing those bastards as I went. I turned a corner- packing material! Turned another corner, more packing material! Fuck!

The noise started again, this time it sounded closer. I looked back and to my absolute horror, there it was, about 8 feet away from me, a red figure coming toward me at speed. I couldn't really describe them because I was scared shitless. Why? Because its feet weren't touching the fuckin' ground, man!!! Shit, it didn't even have feet!!! I was being chased by a ghost! I hauled ass!!!

Like I said, the place was like a maze. I ran past a corner, and only then did I realize what's worse than being chased by a ghost - it's being chased by 4 ghosts!!!!

Thats right, out of nowhere, 3 others join in the chase and I prayed to God there were no more. I ran and I ran, stepping on all the packing materials and some of them sticking to my pants and shoes. I ran towards my table and nearly slipped when I stepped on a piece of fruit, I think it was a cherry, I forget. The ghosts got closer and I turned a corner and ran into a stack oranges. I just fell head over heels in a wave of citrus. At the time I figured, I'm dead! I glanced back at the ghosts and they looked at me as if they were scared shitless. A faint blue glow started to emanate from their ghostly bodies. I put two and and two together and inched my way towards them. They seemed to back away. I inched a bit more. So did they. That's when adrenaline pumped through my veins and I started giving chase to those bastards. I laughed a maniacal laugh as I managed to punch one of them in the head. And another. And another and finally, the red one. They exploded and I saw for a second, their eyeballs floating just above the floor and scattered off in different directions.

In a daze of adrenaline rush, I managed to locate the exit and I just hauled ass to my bike. Fuck this job. Nothings worth this shit! I went home and just slept. Surprisingly, I never got a call from Mr. Lee or the secretary and I figured, they probably knew the reason why. Calling me would be futile as I'd never go back to that place again.

As I was writing this, I thought I'd probably if I drew a sketch of what the ghosts looked like. WARNING: The images below are scary as shit. I would recommend you look at it with the lights on.

...

...

...

Scary, right?

ok

longer la hello.

testing

is this thing still on? any readers here, please leave a comment after the beep.

beep.

Argh!

I've been in pain these past couple of days. My spine hurts. The cause: a slightly odd angle during wudhuk, and I suspect, the 500 boxes of Cool Rhino drinks that me and my colleagues had to carry to and from storage during my company's previous event.

Stupid stairs. And gravity.

Happy Birthday, Gatsu!

To my most awesome sister, I wish you happy birthday! Semoga dipanjangkan umur dan dimurahkan rezeki, insya'Allah.

Im still around! Nobody call the cops!!!

Allrighty, tis been a while... bla bla bla... havent got time to blog, meh meh meh... work was killer, yadda yadda yadda... been spending more time on World of Warcraft... kempas kempis kempus...

... and other excuses that one could possibly generate and write about when they're back on the blogging wagon after a long hiatus. In my case, my last post was on the 23rd of August, so tomorrow (23rd of October) makes it two (2) solid months of non blogging.

Now, for "normal" off the shelf bloggers, this would be time where they blab about whats been going on the past couple of weeks, or months. I say, fuck that, I'm about the now and the future, bitch! Imma write about stuff that wont happen yet and how awesome it is- right now! Man, this 'now' shit is making me pumped! Im gonna talk in caps now. LIKE THIS! I'M SO PUMPED, I JUST RAN OUT OF MY OFFICE AND DROP-KICKED THE DISPATCH IN THE FACE!!!

But I joke.

beskal, oh beskal...

Just about a month ago, I went and bought myself a bicycle. It's a pretty cool bike. Of course, it'd better be- I paid a lotta coin for it. But as new bikes go, it's got a few kinks here and there. The first one being the chain. Long story short, it snapped a coupla hours after I went on the road. Luckily there was a bicycle shop a few minutes away from where I was.

Fast forward a few weeks on my third ride, I met with a bit of an accident. Which was on the day before puasa. And this happend:



It didnt really hurt. But what really pisses me off is how I got into that accident in the first place. You know how there are gratings for drainage holes in the asphalt? Well, as I was merrily cycling along at top speed, my bike tyres went in parallel with the grating bars and overhead the handlebars I flew, landing heavily on my elbow,right wrist and knee. It was awesome! Shamefully, the words that came outta my mouth was 'Omakkau!!!' (translation: YOUR MOTHER!!!)

And so, with a busted elbow and a sore wrist, I start my Ramadhan month...

Toy, Games and Comics Convention Adventues!. (Part 1)

I figured I'd better write all this down while its still slightly fresh and within reach on the cluttered desktop that is my mind. Not a good place to file stuff in this brain o mine. Things tend to get lost and buried in mounds of other stuff and... Wait, what was i talking about...

See?!

But enough silly skits.

People say 'The best part of travelling is the journey'. Awesome though the comic convention may be, to get there was an exercise in patience and/or anger management.

Our bus was set to leave at 9.30pm, so by 8.30pm I was already over at Jeps place. After waiting for him to get ready and shit, we were out of the house by 8.50pm. And when I say out of the house, I mean we were in front of the fucking lift doors waiting for the fucking lift to fucking arrive on our fucking floor. As it turns out, it had other plans. We were on the 14th floor of his apartment and the bastard lift went kaput somewhere above or below us. All three of 'em. A decision was made. To The Stairs! (as if we had much of a choice. Jumping down 14 floors is bad for knees.)

We legged it down 14 floors worth of steps to the ground floor... only to receive a call from Jeps brother that Jep had forgotten the battery to his camera so we had to wait a bit until he came down. And wait for him we did, burning what precious minutes we had left.

A stick of cigarette later, the brother arrived. After bumming ten bucks off jep as "payment", we parted ways and we set off for the walk to LRT station. In the rain. Oh yes, no messed up journey would be complete without rain.

A soggy few minutes later, we got on the train and we chugged along at a 'i know ur late so ill just take my sweetass time' speed. After hauling ass through the corridor and dodging the odd slow douche, we made it to the counter at 9.35pm. Yay! Success!

And when I say success, what i really mean is the bus had successfully left us behind! Oh the joy. If dropkicking people in the face wasnt illegal, I'd happily dish out footprints lovingly planted on the faces of every single person in the station. Thats 31 bucks ill never see again. Oh, and another 20 bucks. But more on that later.

A few inquiries later,we were told that to get replacement tickets, it would cost us 21bucks. But the problem was, the next bus was at 1 am! I said fuckit. We searched around for a ten o clock bus and found one. And so, it being a ten o clock bus, we departed on time. At 10.40pm.

Bastards.

"Please be on time at the platform", I remember the lady at the counter of Somecompany Express, smiling sweetly as I contemplated smacking her in the face with my Backhand of Justice and knocking that smile down to her ears when I later found out the bus was actually from another company. I hate it when that happens. Reason is because, theres no consistency in the quality of some of these busses. As a comparison- If i paid for a pair of brand x underpants, why in hell would i want brand y even tho it does the same job of... being a pair of functional underpants! Plus i dont even know the quirks of brand Y. It could chafe, be a size too small and bunch up between the thighs, or just be plain rude to the neighbours, if you know what i mean.

But we'd already paid so we didnt really have a choice.

We boarded. Ok so far. Until the bus went on the highway... Thats when i discovered the first and (thankfully) only quirk. At high speeds, it would emit high pitched squealy/grindy sounds from the recesses of its underbelly. I HATE high pitched squealy/grindy sounds from things with underbellies! Thank God I slept through most of it. When I woke up, I discovered my legs hadnt! Oh yes, due to an awkward angle of thigh placement, my legs had dozed off, leaving me slightly annoyed and confused. I'd kick my legs to wake them up, but that would be futile!

We arrived at the Larkin bus station at around 3am after 4 hours of squealy/grindy travelling goodness. Got a cab (which, btw, cost us 15 bucks because its after midnight), and arrived safely at my house.

Stressfull? Not really. Am pissed that 31bucks just went up in dust. Oh well...

Singapore Toys, Games and Comic Convention 09

Singapore Toys, Games and Comic Convention 09, originally uploaded by qiddas.

So there I was, over in Singapore for the Singapore Toys, Games and Comic Convention 09. It was crazy awesome. I wrote some stuff on the trip but it's in my pod. I'll post it up later.

Half Chewed thoughts....

I made these in my facebook notes. Ive not so much material, so a repost is always good.

- I think the best way to save the trees is to not make cars out of wood.

- Science. Who needs 'em?' a student asks his teacher. Scientists do, replied the teacher. For without science, you can't spell 'Scientist'. That shut him up. I think he cried a little.

- People sometimes ask me, if a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound if there no one to hear it? From which I would answer thoughtfully, 'Yes. Also, would you like large fries with that order?' Fat people usually do. They also ask a lot of weird questions.

-'I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his bus,' said the man next to me suddenly. I chuckled... but stopped in horror when I saw the man go to the parked bus and sat in the drivers seat.

- 'How do porcupines make babies?' the little boy innocently asked Bob. From which Bob replied, 'Very very carefully,' and laughed. Ah, the innocence of youth, he thought. 'In that case, I think porcupines are the safest creatures on earth,' the little boy answered. 'Why do you say that?' Bob replied. 'Because they're fucking cautious.'

-Clowns are evil, no matter how funny they look when you run them down with a car.

-'Turn left here,' my passenger said. He was on the passenger seat up front. 'My left or your left?' I ask. From whiich he took the gun and pointed it to my face and told me to shut up. Robbers have no sense of humor sometimes.

- Once, I laughed so hard, I wet my self. But it was okay. I was on fire at the time.

- Bob the Dairyman had a brilliant idea. He'll feed his cows strawberries, then they'll give him strawberry milk. But why stop there? How about feeding them chocolates? Chocolate flavoured milk! I am a genius, he gleefully thought to himself. However, instead of tasty flavoured milk, Bob the Dairyman accidentaly invented Mad Cow disease.

- 'You're stretching me to the limit, and I'm sick of this! I quit!!!' But that was all he could say. Afterall, he's just a bungee cord...

- If there was any gadget I'd like from Doraemon, it'd definitely be the Anywhere Door (Pintu Sukahati) and teleport to faraway lands. And do things you wouldnt normally do. Like punching Britney Spears in the face.

- Today my boss exclaimed 'Who da man?!' I just stared at him blankly and said, 'Pardon?' Then he said, 'Who's your boss?' from which I said, 'Chuck Norris?' He stared at me as if I was an idiot and went to the toilet.

Sometimes, it sucks to be a photographer...

Ah, the joyful bloom of youth. Aint it beautiful? Life is such a carefree thing, where most of your free time is spent playing with friends, making fun of girls, torturing the family cat, and flipping the bird at the innocent photographer who didn't realize the gesture until much later whilst going through the photos!!!!

OH YEAH, REALY MATURE, BUDDY! ESPECIALLY COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO'S WEARING A PINK STRIPEY SHIRT!

But for whats it worth, it's a nice picture. Didnt want to get the kid in trouble, hence the pixelated eyes. The kid in the middle is probably the most mature of the group, the one on the left, probably the clueless dumbass, and the one on the right is the one that'll probably be the one who gets the other two in trouble.

Probably.

Google, and ye shall find... yer stuff?

I was bored. After checking only 2 retarded comments on my facebook page, I was curious to see if google's got the skills to find pages containing the following keyword: kanniney. (again, I was bored. boredome makes you do silly things. it also makes you spell the word boredom with an extra e at the end.)

What I found was a link to a forum for cars an shit. As it turns out, the keyword belonged to an article/list that, er, lists, the things people generally do whilst camwhoring themselves in cars. (You know who you are. Psh..)

A list which I wrote. On my facebook notes page.

Then I figured, Hmm, I wonder what other pages have this list, so I googled one of the points in the list(passenger kat belakang interframe sambil buat muka ntahapa2tah), and wouldnt you know it, some chick had posted it up on her blog.

Now, I dont really mind anyone copying and pasting that list. Really. Im just curious as to how they got it in the first place, seeing as that :

a) I dont think I'm friends with the posters
b) The thing was on facebook! People cant google other peoples notes on facebook if they're not connected... Can they?

Oh well, some question we will never have the answer to.

But anyways, if you were wondering, what is this article I speak of? Here it be. It's in BM. So, if you cant understand BM, nasib ah. Sapa suruh tak belajo masa sekolah dulu.

Heh heh.

Okay, okay, I'll translate it, just in case some foreign dude from the United States of Canada or wherever comes and reads it and mistakes this as some terrorist plot to blow up the United Nations of Benetton or whatever. If my translations are not accurate, please, feel free to STFU.

Perangai orang yang suka amik gambo dalam keta. (The general characteristics of people camwhoring in cars)

1)pakai cemin mata itam (wears dark glasses.)

2)lidah terjelir / kepala senget2 / senyum kambing nampak gigi / mulut terbukak. (tongues sticking out / head tilted sideways / smiling like a dumbass with exposed teeth / mouths open.)

3)passenger kat belakang interframe sambil buat muka ntahapa2tah. (passengers in the background posing in frame with silly faces on their faces. their silly, silly faces.)

4)muka kontrol macho/ayu, tak tengok camera, tapi tangan sendiri sah2 pegang kamera. (not looking at the camera, acting oblivious to the fact that you're holding the camera while posing with a calm and cool expression of a douchebag.)

5)amik gambo lapan belas kali, sebab the first 17 kali 'gambo tak best.' (takes 18 shots, because the first 17 looked like you were on crack.)

7)lepas amik gambo, tunjuk drebar, walaupon tau drebar tengah bawak keta. (after taking a picture, shows it to the driver, even though the driver is, um, driving.)

8) jari v. lets not forget that. (the V sign. damn, whats 'lets not forget that' in english? fuck!)

9) bibir kuncup. (cutey-pouty lips.)

10) amik gambo ngan driver. driber pon senyom. walaupon ada can eksiden. tapi takpe, janji senyom. (takes pictures with the driver and the driver smiles like he/she has never smiled before, even though theres a chance of an accident but hey, CHEESE!)

11) selalu amik gambo lepas check sms. (generally shots take place after checking a text.)

12) theme: 1) control macho 2)control ayu 3)muka tak senonoh. (see 4) [themes: 1) douchebag 2)douchebagette 3)being silly. see 4.]

13) upload kat facebook/friendster/blog/youtube (uploads pics on facebook/friendster/blog/youtube.)

14) edit dalam photoshop. kalau tak reti edit dalam photoshop, mintak tolong member. (edits photo in photoshop. asks friend to help if knowledge of Photoshop equals to a bananas knowledge of Quantum Physics. )

14) pelik apasal ada 28 juta orang ada pose yang sama. marah diorang sebab 'tiru pose aku.' (gets weirded out because 28 million people do the same pose and gets slightly pissed because they were 'immitating my douchy pose.')

15) rambut kena ada atas mata. emo style. (hair must be covering eyes to emulate the 'emo' style.)

16) marah orang yang tulis menda2 di atas ni 'hek eleh, macam ko tak penah buat.bole blah. kanniney.' (gets angry at the person that wrote this and says 'as if you've never done this shit. piss off. you fuck!')

A chat on bananas and the male genitilia.

[me] : weh
[Somechick] : yes dude?
[me] : whats black and sweaty?
[Somechick] : errr
[Somechick] : my laptop after taken out from the freezer?
[Somechick] : mana aku tauuu
[me] : dah?
[Somechick] : dah
[me] : semut itam tengah jogging.
[Somechick] : why semut itam?
[me] : um...
[me] : my laptop after taken out from freezer?
[Somechick] : hahahaha seriouss laaa weh
[Somechick] : apsal semut hitam?
[Somechick] : apsal tak 'you after u suck my balls under the charcoal pit' or something?
[me] : you've got a sick sick mind, you know that, somechick?
[Somechick] : hahahaha takes one to know one
[me] : thank you.
[me] : but to answer your question.
[me] : you must first answer me this question:
[Somechick] : okay
[Somechick] : what?
[me] : three women are each eating a banana. the first one eats it by breaking the banana into pieces and popping them in her mouth one by one. the second one bites the banana like people usually do and the third one holds the banana with both hands and slowly stuffs it in her mouth. the question- which one of these ladies are married?
[Somechick] : is this a trick question?
[Somechick] : hahaha u chose a lousy person to answer as well sbb i dont eat raw bananas
[Somechick] : but ok i will indulge in your sick twisted mind games haha
[me] : proceed.
[Somechick] : (husband of somechick): first one
[Somechick] : ntah. third one? or maybe first? can i choose both?
[me] : and you? what is your answer?
[me] : you chose the third one?
[Somechick] : yeah?
[me] : okay. the answer is this: its the one with the wedding ring.
[me] : you've got a sick mind, y'know that?
[Somechick] : hahahhahaa wadahelllllllllll
[me] : sicksicksicksicksick
[Somechick] : mana aku tau cara nak makan pisanggggggg
[Somechick] : hahahahahahhahahahha
[me] : WARKGHKAHKAHKAHKA AND YET YOU CHOSE THE THIRD ONE.
[Somechick] : hahahahahahhahaha wellllllllllll
[Somechick] : hahahahahahahahahaha
[Somechick] : orang tak makan pisang camtu ke?
[me] : manade!
[me] : hold it with both hands pejadah? lepas tu masuk mulot sekaligus.
[Somechick] : hahahah i thought it'd be like if i cakap first one then u say "oh so u feel that way about your husband's penis? nak cincang?!"
[Somechick] : HAHAHAHHAAH OK I HAVE A SICK MIND
[Somechick] : ahahahahhahahahahahha
[me] : this is soo going in my blog.
[Somechick] : hahahahaha babi
[Somechick] : hahahaha letak laaaa
[me] : names witheld, of course.
[Somechick] : yes yes go ahead
[me] : psh... "number 3" BWARGHAHAHAHA
[me] : y'know what, i thot u wuz on to me.
[Somechick] : aahahaha whadayamean
[Somechick] : i am innocent
[me] : and also..
[me] : [Somechick]: hahahah i thought it'd be like if i cakap first one then u say "oh so u feel that way about your husband's penis? nak cincang?!" <--- SAY WHAT?!?!
[me] : THATS JUST WRONG, MAN!!!
[Somechick] : hahahahaha i thought it was a psychological question or some shit like that
[me] : * shudder *
[Somechick] : hahahahahahahahhaha
[Somechick] : like a freudian thingggggggggggggg
[Somechick] : mana aku tauuuu it's a cheap trick question without any insight
[Somechick] : cissss
[me] : heh heh.
[me] : oh well..
[me] : anyways
[me] : reminds me of something i read somewhere..
[me] : happened in malaysia (or singapore, iinm)
[Somechick] : about?
[me] : this secretary was giving her boss a bj in the car
[me] : (or in some places, a 'number three lady')
[me] : anyways
[me] : like i said, they were doing stuff when suddenly, some car accidentally hits their car from behind.
[me] : and she accidentally bit off the tip of the dudes manmeat
[Somechick] : hahahahaha bodoh hahahha tapi euwww and owwww!
[me] : you can say that again, man..
[me] : im cringing as i type this. fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...!!!
[Somechick] : macam sakit je
[Somechick] : eiiii
[Somechick] : i feel bad for the poor bastard though but he deserved it i guess
[me] : yeah. bastard was cheating on his wife. ironically, the guy that terlanggar the car was a private investigator that worked for the wife.
[me] : im guessing the PI got a bonus.
[Somechick] : hahaha for all u know he "accidentally" did it
[me] : could be.
[me] : anyhoot, enough private parts talk for today.
[me] : im'na do some work, later, sicko.
[Somechick] : yeah bye bye d'sicko haha