So I got a new chair.

'Hello, could you direct me to your shop please?' I asked the guy over the phone.

'Yes, you see pizza hut, you go straight, you turn left. Our shop number 34.'

'34, you say? Thank you,' I said and 2 seconds later, we got lost. Twice. Syed was driving. I was the navigator and I was crap.

But in the end, we didn't get to THE second hand shop in TTDI but we did get to A second hand shop in TTDI.

For years have I been using a plastic chair-the kind you find at mamak stall, weddings, school gatherings, funerals- you know the type? the one with the one basic template to rule them all?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I have bought a second hand chair and I'm loving it.

Now, questions come to mind when buying 2nd hand stuff. The following seven are the ones that I could think of as I am writing this:

1) Has anyone accidentally peed on this chair?

2) Was the result of said pee the reason why the chair was sent off to a 2nd hand furniture shop?

3) Should I worry about getting STD's should I feel the need to sit naked on this chair. Like I'm doing now.

4) How do I wash a chair? Note that the chair is upholstered in cloth.

5) Do I put it in the washing machine? If it does not fit, should I take the wheels off?

6) Should I get off the chair while it, sans wheels, is in the washing machine?

7) I do not own a washing machine. Is my neighbour angry at me because I did not take the wheels off? Why is he threatening to call the police? He must calm down. I am his neighbour. He does not own the washing machine. His wife does.

I will never know the answers to these questions. But let it be known that this is an awesome chair. And I hope it is not possessed. Like that bastard Herbie car.

Fuck that volks.