A screen capture from my FB page..

From a previous post, to my fb page. And finally, back here. :)

A comment in dota.

As we were playing DOTA, and ultimately, we were winning, one of our teamates began to get cocky. 'Go and practice by playing tetris'.

I just laughed my ass off. Because, y'know... tetris is a brick game.

King

In the old days, it's always good to have a king with a sense of humour. "Guards, take this traitor away. Execute him. THEN torture him." Then the peasants would laugh. Until he says, "Just kidding. Burn the whole village down."

Oh, you king you.

The deleted fb reply.

Sometimes I don't have the heart to mess up the comments section of a friends facebook page. So I'll just post 'em up here.

"Beauty comes in all sizes..k..bye.."

I'm pretty sure the Beast came in Beauty.

Heh.

Thor.

On a telephone conversation with Jep:

Jep: Kau tengok cite apa?

Me: Thor.

Jep: Apa?

Me: Thor.

Jep: Cite apa?

Me: Thor.

Jep: Weh, tak dengar la, dalam bm! Dalam bm!

Me: Thur.

How the hell do you Bahasa-ify Thor? Well, now you know.

My Shorts #2

Stationery

Stapler was angry. No, he was mad! There was no doubt about it. Nobody messes with my stuff and get away with it, he bellowed.

Paper and Post-It sniggered in the drawer. They just loved screwing about with staplers stuff, just for the lulz. It can get pretty boring, the office being, well, an office.

He'll never find us here, Post-It giggled.

Shh. Yeah. Hee hee, Paper said.

Suddenly the drawer rocked. And they saw, through the glow of fluorescent light, the silhouette of Stapler- his shadow a foreboding presence- with the glint of what could be described as shimmering anger.

Hey, man! Post-It said. We-.. we wuz just kidding around! Chill!

Stapler inched closer. Silent. Deadly.

Paper stepped up, drawing on his full A4 height, hoping this would cower staplers rage. It had worked before...

Keep it together, man! said Paper.

I'll keep YOU together, Stapler roared.

SHA-CLICK!

My Shorts #1

The Caveman.

Bob was a different type of caveman. He questioned everything. When the elders of his tribe said they must gather food for the coming winter, he questioned that. When the elders decided to shift camp to a more suitable spot with more game and more fertile ground, he questioned that too. Which is why he wasn't very popular with the higher-ups or with the other tribes-people.

So one night, under the cover of darkness and moonlight, the council of elders had a meeting. He's a jackass, they agreed. Let's just leave him the next time we shift camp, they agreed. It is agreed. We move tomorrow at dawn!

And so they did.

That afternoon, he awoke to an empty camp. What was this nailed to his chest? We left your ass. Fuck you. Sincerely, Ug, secratary, Council of Elders.

As he lay dying on the ground from blood loss, he thought to himself, Those fuckin' bastards, why didn't they wake me...

Testing. Using a mobile device. Wow!

Hello. Hi. Im just testing shit using my trusty nokia e71. Because my htc died on me. Nuts. Thats about it. Goodbye.

Arab chicks - MonoStereotyping.

So I was chatting with Jep and he said he was sposed to go on a group photoshoot with some arab chick as the model. But the whole thing got cancelled. "Arab chick models?" I said. "They're good [to shoot] for 2 things. Their eyes. And their moustaches."

And then we laughed a sad laugh... because lets face it, none of us are even gonna date a hot arab chick. Moustache or no.

Untitled

Next month marks a full year of non-blogging. What are my comments on that?

"I'm awesome like that."

[after this post, the writer switched off his computer, turned off the lights and fan and went to bed.]

Hello

I'd post something, but I'm sleepy.

After 5 months of shaking leg...

So I guess a long-ish entry is need after a couple of months of mindless copying and pasting chat conversations. Which I think is pretty fun in its own right.

Whats been up with me these days, you ask? A lot has happened and lot HASN'T happened. It's amazing how you can plan things in your life but down the road, someone with a monkey-wrench jumps out from behind a bush a tries to sell you something, but then you'd be like, 'What the hell? I do not want any of your wares, sir!' and then, out of spite, he'd put that monkey wrench in your plan. The plan, with you were carrying in a small cart behind you would be messed up. I mean, seriously, monkey wrench! It could kill a man!

Yeah. Sometimes, life is like that. Wait, what the hell was I talking about again?!

Oh. Right.

I had a plan. Which was to continue my studies in a local uni. So I figured I'd apply, quit my job and spend the next three years studying and shit. Well, when it was go time, I quit. But the sad part was, I wasn't accepted to that uni. I appealed but no luck. I found out later that the reason I wasn't accepted was because of a failed subject I had in high school.

And so began the dawn of the jobless bum. A bum that I became.

It had its perks, no doubt. I could do whatever the hell I wanted, when I wanted. Which I did. OR didn't. It was crazy awesome. Most of my time spent taking photos wedding photos and gaming. Mostly gaming. Waking up as early 2pm and sleeping usually around 5 or 6 in the morning, among other things. And Facebook. Heh heh. A friend once commented, 'Dude, you're always online on facebook! You need to get a life!' And I replied. 'Okay, sure. So, how're you doing? Still living with your parents?'

Heh heh. That shut him up.

The first few weeks of January (or was it February?) I spent nursing my left foot back to health. For some reason, I had a crazy gout attack. I was literally out for the whole month, which I spent over at my sisters house. Man, it hurt. If ever you decide to have a disease of choice, do NOT choose gout. You have been warned.

But as some dude said, 'All good things must come to and end.' I had to get a job. My money was running out and the rent had to be paid. I had to eat. I had to smoke. And so began my search for a job. Oh I contemplated studying elsewhere, but they were either expensive or didnt have the course that I wanted. And then the window of registering to any other unis closed and so began my quest for a job.

Well, it wasn't really a quest. More like a thing that I had when I had spare time. Heh heh. Spare time. I had tons of it. Okay, maybe the correct term would be... spare SPARE time.

Jobstreet was pretty much crap. I went to a few interviews, okay 2 interviews, but no callbacks. At least, not yet anyways. But it doesnt matter. Fast forward to earlier this month, I sent an application to an ad I saw in the papers. Fast forward to last week, I got a call and went for an interview. They had a sort of test for all applicants to, uh, test their competency with indesign and photoshop. I prolly aced it, which is why I got the job. Yay...

Note the three dots behind the Yay. Theres a reason for it. I'd continue but it's 5am and I got shit to do. To be continued.

At 6.30pm on a Tuesday...

I will be going for a second interview. I got shortlisted for a 2nd interview for a company that makes magazines. I can sense the late nights, the constant pressure, the macs fucking up on cue...

Bring it! Wish me luck!

Im going back to JB...

Yeah. Thats about it, really... im not in a writing mood, so, I'm going back to JB for the weekend. Yay!

And on other news, I'm still unemployed. Best 5 months ever! hehehe.

After a long while, this!

An old friend messaged me on fb:

Liza

saddig, <=== (saddig?! da hell..?!)

3:31amMe

ye

3:46amLiza

aq nk tya ko,ko knl aq agy x?aq grm dok,ad mmbr lma yg x aprve aq..ko cm aq kn?sdh taw.hmph

3:46amMe

liza.

mintak tolong boleh tak?

jangan bebual sms ngan aku!

aku tak paham sepatah haram apa yang kau cakap.

serius!!!

ko ni pon satu, tangan ada 2, keyboard cukup sifat, tapi bebual short form sms! tak paham siakkkkkkkk!!!

3:48amLiza

la...ye ker?sekarang paham x?

3:48amMe

ha.

ulang balik ayat kau tadi.

dalam bahasa yang aku paham.

Liza

ko kene kan aku ni.penat dok nak taip panjang2.kejam r ko ni <=== huh? its 2 lines, dammit!

3:50amMe

padan muka. sapa suruh short form pastu taip pakai gigi.

-----------

Seriously, sms short forms in a pc setting fuckin' pisses me off.

It all began with a silly question...

2:10 AM

Andre: oit

tak tido lagi ka?

me: thats a silly question to ask, isn't it? i mean, if i was sleeping, would i be replying???

thats right, you silence confirms it

Andre: now that reply is valid if you were to reply while i was typing

me: ah.

so i answered by, how do i say it, the process, of answering. i ultimately answered your question as i was typing it? is that what you're saying?

Andre: nope, your answer would be valid by replying before the question is asked. Isnt it? i mean you did reply that by replying you are not asleep and my questions is invalid as thus sound silly

me: no no. my reply was not a reply to your question. my reply was merely an action taken in response to your inquiry. had I answered 'yes', that would have been a reply.

however, i did not answer with a 'yes'.

Andre is typing a message

i answered with a retort stating how silly your question was.

Andre is typing a message

in essence, my reply was not a reply.

Andre is typing a message

my reply was a non-reply to a question that wasnt a valid question.

Andre is typing a message

as you are typing your response.

Andre is typing a message

i have disconnected.

Andre is typing a message

Qiddas has disconnected.

Andre: replies are not limited to conformation and you did reply with a question of cynical nature to the point of asking the question.

chicken.

Andre's new status message - Effing A. Woke up to a mind fuck discussion and now im hungry

me: however, i was in invisible mode.

my invisible mode was, in actuality, a ccccccccombo breaker

not only have i won an epic win, i have also dominated your soul.

i have gone visible again. i am awesome.

me: you have left without acknowledging my statement. you bloody bastard.

So I got a new chair.

'Hello, could you direct me to your shop please?' I asked the guy over the phone.

'Yes, you see pizza hut, you go straight, you turn left. Our shop number 34.'

'34, you say? Thank you,' I said and 2 seconds later, we got lost. Twice. Syed was driving. I was the navigator and I was crap.

But in the end, we didn't get to THE second hand shop in TTDI but we did get to A second hand shop in TTDI.

For years have I been using a plastic chair-the kind you find at mamak stall, weddings, school gatherings, funerals- you know the type? the one with the one basic template to rule them all?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I have bought a second hand chair and I'm loving it.

Now, questions come to mind when buying 2nd hand stuff. The following seven are the ones that I could think of as I am writing this:

1) Has anyone accidentally peed on this chair?

2) Was the result of said pee the reason why the chair was sent off to a 2nd hand furniture shop?

3) Should I worry about getting STD's should I feel the need to sit naked on this chair. Like I'm doing now.

4) How do I wash a chair? Note that the chair is upholstered in cloth.

5) Do I put it in the washing machine? If it does not fit, should I take the wheels off?

6) Should I get off the chair while it, sans wheels, is in the washing machine?

7) I do not own a washing machine. Is my neighbour angry at me because I did not take the wheels off? Why is he threatening to call the police? He must calm down. I am his neighbour. He does not own the washing machine. His wife does.

I will never know the answers to these questions. But let it be known that this is an awesome chair. And I hope it is not possessed. Like that bastard Herbie car.

Fuck that volks.

Buzzcut ftw!!

Went to the barber the other day. Got me a buzzcut. Man it feels good.

If you were wondering, fotographico's my picture-taking company. It's pretty awesome.

My apparent personality.

See my Personality Profile

I think I shall.

Hair.

That's right. Hair.

It's that black stuff on your head that grows outta your scalp for reasons that nobody knows.

Okay, maybe it makes you look more unique than the other guy/chick. I mean, did you know that mirrors were probably invented because of hair? True probable fact.

'Man, seriously, this black shit on my head is pissing me off. Dude, seriously, how do I look?' he would ask a random stranger.

The stranger would say, 'Seeing as that I don't even know you and do not know how you would react if I were to give you an honest answer, I will tell you this -'

And the guy, who was not only smart but extremely impatient would say, 'You know what? Fuck you. I'm gonna invent a mirror.' And he did. Out of wood. As it turns out, he wasn't smart at all. He was as dumb as a brick. In fact, to call him as dumb as a brick was an insult to all bricks around the world, who had bachelors degrees in Being A Wall.

Okay, that rant was pretty useless, I know. I wanted to post something on hair and wanted to be all smart with it and all that I got was some stupid story.

These past couple of years, ever since I've moved to KL, I've been losing hair. That's right. If I just combed through with my fingers, I would get probably a couple of loose strands clinging between my fingers.

Now that goes double for the hair on my head...

So I've decided to go all army and shit and get myself a buzz-cut tomorrow. Why? I don't know. I guess I'm just tired of seeing hair all over my keyboard, my floor, my sink, my bed, my toilet, in my food- EVERYWHERE!

I also bought this anti hair-fall shampoo thats supposed to prevent hair-loss and I figured, I'll just level the playing field and give them hair roots (follicles. thats a fancy schmancy way of saying hair roots) a fair start at growing. That's the plan anyways.

But the question thats bugging me is... is my hair-fall caused by something I ate? Is it genetic? Did someone put a spell on my scalp? Are aliens invading earth and the hairfall is just my hair's way of saying, 'OhfuckOhfuckOhfuckTHEY'RE HERE!' ?

We will never know. But theres a little voice in me that keeps bugging and saying, 'You're growing old, Qiddas.' and part of me sooo wants to punch that voice in the face. Because the truth is... most probably... true. Hair raising, no?