Roughly 10 years later

 Hello world! I'm still around. I'm married and I've got 2 kids now. They're 6 and 3. Life is good. Alhamdulillah.

Test (ooo, nifty...)

Everyone loves electricity. But I bet everyone hates whoever invented the electric bill.
— Saddiq Yahya (@saddiqyahya) November 8, 2012

Just reading thru the archives when suddenly...

Hey, elliester. You owe me something.

My Name Natipong. Natipong Kyatisuk.

Natipong Kyatisuk: I cannot my phone

You are now speaking with (Customer Service) of Customer Service.

Customer Service: hi good evening
Customer Service: how may i assist you?
Natipong Kyatisuk: hi good evening.

Natipong Kyatisuk: my name natipong. i thai.

Natipong Kyatisuk: i have problem.

Natipong Kyatisuk: i cannot my phone.

Customer Service: may i have your [network] number?
Natipong Kyatisuk: where to find mai number plis?

Customer Service: the sim card serial number is at the back of the card
Natipong Kyatisuk: ok

Natipong Kyatisuk: 601999000900796458M

Customer Service: is this a red color [network] sim card?
Natipong Kyatisuk: no. is yellow.

Natipong Kyatisuk: yellow colour

Customer Service: meaning it is not [network] sim card
Customer Service: please check which sim provide you are using and contact them
Natipong Kyatisuk: but i still cannot my phone.

Customer Service: i cannot help because this is [network]
Customer Service: that is not our sim card
Customer Service: you need to check which sim card is that
Natipong Kyatisuk: oh. what colour is your sim kad?

Customer Service: red colour and written [network] onm it
Customer Service: *on

Natipong Kyatisuk: what is onm?
Natipong Kyatisuk: okey. i have to go. i have to feed my horse. bai bai.

Microwave and hookers.

Friend
microwave blh pakai tak in the end?

Me
hahahaha
well this is embarassing.
the answer is no.
its still sitting on a chair.
your chair.

Friend
jeeez

Me
havent had the time to send it over.

Friend
reason being? you're just too lazy to take it to the shop?
ok i just lost interest
k bai

Me
reason being, oh, you lost interest.
rugi.
i was gonna tell you the awesome tale of the adventures of the microwave.
with dragons.
and blackjack.
and hookers.

Friend
i judge you for still having a microwave that has an encounter with hookers

Me
and i judge you for me giving me one.
that microwave is a hooker magnet!

Friend
it was clear from encounter with hookers at the time

Me
LIES!!!!!
i got home the other day, opened my door and what do i find?
hookers.
hookers everywhere!

Friend
k. bai

Me
bai.
heheheheh
okok
seriously.
it still doesnt work lah.
hari tu try repair sendri
(really. read on the internet.)
still no go.
will try to sort it out next gaji.
raya kopak!

Friend
so sedekahkan sajalah dlm tong sampah hooker memane

Me
NO!
they do not appreciate the warmth of freshly nuked food!

Friend
food don't get warm in there now duh

Me
good point.

Advice. How to suck at it, by me.

Me:
ok. does she have 3 boobs? this is important.

Friend:
well.. even the two that are there aren't the major attractions, retard hehehe

Me:
you will die a bachelor.

I still suck at advice

Friend:
What makes a woman worth it?

Me:
well, you know that chick in total recall? the one with the 3 boobs?

Friend:
hahahahhaha

Me:
we..ll... not her. but DAYM!

I suck at advice.

Friend:
I understand the feel
But you see everyone has their jihad
mine isn't going very well, it's like when you're in the al-aqsa squad
and half your squad got bombed today
so you gotta pick yourself back up
but aint no ez task

Me:
yeah.. because your arm is probably in the ceiling fan.

This is rare from me because its heart warming. kinda.

So yesterday, after delivering coconut juice to a friend’s house (don’t ask!) I was on the way to the lift. The door opened. I was about to walk in when I saw a little girl in the lift, holding a bicycle twice her size and as she reversed out of the small-ish lift, I noticed she was biting on to two letters. Not enough hand space, for obvious reasons.

She reversed the bike when suddenly the back tyre hit a grill on the opposite wall with a loud bang, which startled both of us. ‘Ha!’ I said. She looked at me and gave me cutest smile in spite of her biting on the letters.

Then the door closed even tho i was pressing the button. I stuck my leg in between the door and still no go. The door still closed. Then I had to wait a while before the door reopened. Then I went for berbuka at Muhibbah.


The End.

Typo.

"Rice. Fried chicken. Gravy. Am I'm happy."

Am I'm happy?

What the fuck does that even mean?

Duffel bag

So I thought to myself, "How could I make a post about a duffel bag that I recently bought... interesting?"

So here it is, the most interesting post about a duffel bag in the history of the internets. Thats right. Internets.

"The name comes from Duffel, a town in Belgium where the thick cloth used to make the bag originated.*"

*Not taken from wikipedia.**

**Okay, I lied. Sorry.***

***Okay, I lied again. Im not sorry. Kiss my ass.

Helmets and death.

So I decided to rant on logic. A friend posted this on my facebook wall.

thats not anatomically or physically possible. you do not get a blood spray pattern like that with a blaster. its just not possible! a blaster 'burns' at a possible temperature of, oh i dont know, Fuckinghot Fahrenheit! any biological matter would've been burnt to a carbony crisp upon impact! the skull wouldnt, hell, the eyeballs for that matter, wouldnt even survive such a burst of pure energy. so you say, "oh, maybe they used bullets...?" FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING BULLETS! this is fucking star wars! the only people that use bullets are either a)dead or b)really dead. theres also c. but if they're still alive now, they'd probably be dead! to whoever that built this monstrosity can go stick his or her head up jabba the hutts fat green asshole, because without logic, there wouldnt be any star wars. 

Bob the climber.

Now the problem with Bob is, nobody knows what he will do next. One day, out of the blue, he shouted in the cafeteria, "Imma climb that there building with nothing but my boxers, some rope and a helmet."

The next day, he did just that.

Unfortunately, it wasn't a building. It was a power line tower.

Conscience

Don't you just hate it when your conscience sez No. And you'd be like, 'Aww, man... but it's funny!'

Then Mr. C would be all Yes, I Know. I Chuckled Too But It Is Not Right. She Is Someones Grandmother. You Wouldnt Want Anyone To Make Fun Of Our Mother, Would You?

Then I'd be like, 'You're a pain in my ass, c. srsly, dude, she looks like Nien Nunb from star wars!

C quickly turned his head a bit, accidentally sniggered, composed himself and said, I Understand How You Feel. But It Is Not Right.

FINE!

Twitter

Oooo... new blogger interface. Interesting. Also, follow me on twitter @saddiqyahya. Kthnxbye.

Just so we're clear...

I'm still around. Seriously. I'm not kidding.

A report.

I was instructed to monitor some staff at the LCCT. Monitoring and reporting is boring. So in my boredom, I wrote and sent the following:

2.48pm: upon arrival, 3 staff manning booth. 2 males, 1 female. female wearing uniform. Male wearing uniform.1 male not wearing uniform. Female staff serving customer. 1 male doing stockkeeping. I was acting all nonchalant. That's right, my chalant my unavailable.

2.58pm: male staff servicing clients.

3pm: 1 male staff went off somewhere. 2 staff at counter. Female staff peddling sims to passing customers.

305pm: staff helping customer who lost phone. Customer nagged on about how his phone fell out of his pocket. What a dumbass. He was also balding.

310pm slow human traffic. Nothing much going on. Some hot stewardeses just walked by. It was awesome. They didn't look at me. That made me sad.

315pm a cop shot me a dirty look. He had a gun. I have a camera. You win this time, copper.

316pm several customers approach booth for free sim. Customers being attended by staff. Everyone is happy. Except for me. I have to pee.

324pm I changed sitting position to another spot next to an escalator.

327pm from this place I have a great view of duty free chocolates that I can't afford. Staff working and servicing customers accordingly. Lots of people at the booth. 4 staff at the booth now. 2 dudes, 2 chicks.

330pm no misconduct or improper behaviour to report. Staff acting in accordance at time of monitoring. Although there were times when traffic was heavy,staff couldve put more effort in peddling products.

337pm some kid fell because his shoelaces got stuck in the escalator stairs. I tried to help, but his mom was faster.

340pm staff servicing clients accordingly. I really do have to drain the main vein.

345pm nothing to report. 1 hour observation is up. Nothing out of order to report.

Boses lol-ed. Phew.