Okay. Death by Vanilla Coke.

So I went Stumbling, and I stumbled on this site. Key in your favourite soda or beverage (yes ikin, even starbucks) and key in your weight (yes, dila, your weight) and it'll show how much of that shit'd actually kill you. Yes, kill you. Like, dead.

In my case, 420.42 cans of Vanilla Coke. Then, boom. Dead. Like Michael Jacksons career.

A long lost friend reunited. Or whatever.

So there I was, fiddling about with my pocket pc when someone messaged me on MSN messenger. It was Dila. Man, I havent seen/chatted with this chick for quite a while! She's from across the straights, no, not Indonesia. Singapore! We've hung out a couple of times irl when I went to Singapore during my World of Warcraft craze(to buy reload cards). From which she'd make fun of me, calling me nasty names such as nerdboy and other things that make a nerd angry and kill big-butted singaporean chick. Nerd smash!!! Dila smashed!!!

(But of course, I always counter back by saying she has an extremely large... ass. Followed by modified 'Yo momma so fat jokes', as per the following: "Yo' ass is so huge, if you jump for joy, you'd get stuck!")

But I joke.

Anyway, she says she just recently got well from a... sickness, and I do so hope shes okay now and heres hoping she'll be better in the future. Really.

Well, I'm out. Later world.

Noo Hairdoo.

Im not sorry, I tells ya! Man, it feels so good! I dont miss the locks. I'll see it again in about 3 months time.

Water fountain!!

Todays buka puasa ended in madness. MADNESS, I tell you! And I wasnt to blame for it! Nossir! No way, no how! *cue Shaggy's throaty 'It wasn't me' *

Heh.

Okay. As you prolly would've guessed it right about... now! It was me... I guess it was my combination of facial theatrics and precision placed body posture techniques that I learnt off the net* that made my dad laugh and spray the water that he was drinking. (Theres a backstory to the theatrics, but I dont really want to tell coz its complicated. And also, because Im lazy.)

My mom, who was in front of my pops, saw him spraying water went and laughed at HIM. Which wasnt the best thing to do because she had a mouthful of water too! (Guess what happened. Go on, guess! Got it?)

And so, as it came to pass, it was like a fountain. An extremely wrong type of fountain which ended mostly on the floor, on the table and probably some in the half a plate of leftover rojak. Oh, probably some in the spaghetti. Mmmm... spaghetti. Thank God it didnt end up in the grated cheese. That would've been awkward.

My mom ended up coughing because she 'tersedak' and went off to her room. Which left me and pops to clear the table and wash the dishes.

See, I told you it ended in madness. We had to clear the table and do the dishes!!! *grumble grumble* Okay. I lie. Its not madness. We woulda done it anyways. Heh heh.




* not really.
* edit: thanks rkaru for noticing the queue->cue error. heh heh. shuddup.

The Internet? That thing still around?!

http://www.scotsnewsletter.com/20quests/hownet.htm

A good read on what exactly is this... "Internet", that people are talking about. hmm.

Ramadhan for the win!!!

Well, its here again! The month of months! Ramadhan, the month to collect fer yer savings for the afterlife. Sure, fasting is one thing, but to guard ones other senses is gonna be one heckuva, uh, quite a hard thing to do. Really, man! Imagine not talking about someone behind ones back, or checking out the hot chick with the extremely mini skirt. Or whatever.

Well, its like they say, 'Do, or do not. There is no try.' Okay, when I say 'they', I meant, Yoda. Heh.

Just came back from tarawikh... um, terawih.. (I forget how to speell that). Did my 20+2+1's. It would've extra fine if my scullcap didnt repeatedly kept falling on the ground to the point where my dad (who was in front of me at the time), accidentally crushed it with his feet. Thats it! I'm cutting my hair. Super short. It's gonna be so short, my skulls gonna be like, 'Cold... so so cold...'

On another note, I'd like to wish my muslim internet buddies, relatives and random visitors a Happy Ramadhan. Semoga puasa dan amalan anda diterima Allah s.w.t. Insyallah. Amin.

Note to self: Get that chick with the extremely mini skirt out of your head!!! Gettitoutgettitout!!!

Is it just me, or does everyone else think that 2 weeks worth of unwashed clothes smell the same. EVERYTIME. Really. It smells... like, well, how do describe smell... I dont really know how. But imagine the smell is like... unwashed clothes. Yeah.

Okay.

So anyways, I've been contemplating on buying me a laptop. But not just any laptop, noo. It's this one:

(theres supposed to be a picture of the laptop, but my internet connection is being a fuckall, so the image cant be uploaded. fuck.)

Anyway, its an Apple MacBook. And a sexy one at that! A friend of mine decided to sell his for cheap (of course, there are other reasons for this that I'm not fully disclosing). But anyhoot, Im prolly get it in, oh, I dunno, in about 3 months or so, seeing as that I'm about as rich as the guy who invented edible shoes.

Have to start collecting. I'll put the camera savings in the backseat for a bit.

Al Fatihah

Al-Fatihah for my cousin, Rudy who passed away today at Seremban Medical. He was in his early 30's. He died of a heart attack on his way back from Penang to Mersing (if im not mistaken)

Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya, Insyallah.

Guess who.

gnkdjlsngeoingoeinvgojngvoe43j. and two cows.

Ever want to write something, but then midway between picking your teeth and scratching the lighter side of your left butt, you realize that you dont have jackshit to write about. Sure, you could write about what you did the previous day, or you could write about the time you nearly got killed checking out some hot chick, no wait... i think there were 2 at the time... anyway, long story short, just barely managed to control scooter when accidentaly ran over 2 potruding manhole covers. Wait, that sounded weird. Uh, y'know, those things on the road. That are bumpy. But not speedbumps.

So, yeah.

Okay, so now, I'mna do something thats probably never been done by amateur and professional bloggers alike. I will now proceed to make up a story off the top my head. Thats right. OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD! Beat that, Stephen "Oooo-I-write-scary-ghost-stories-and-whatever" King! Okay, here goes. (heh heh. somehow, I started thinking of dragons. Dont ask why.)

Long time ago, there was this dragon. His name (yes, he was a male dragon. Because male dragons are way cooler than chick dragons. For one thing, they have bigger wings. And their fire is way way hotter than the females ones. Studies show that a male dragons flame is hotter by 25 million gajillion DDH's- thats the unit used to measure the heat from a dragons flame. DDH stands for DamnDatsHot. Most scientists that study this are usually very very popular in their field. They are also very very dead IN the field. Other scientists would be like, "Dude, remember ol' Johnny the Dragon Heat measurer? Yeah, he dumb, innit?" Okay, so they're not popular. But thats besides the point.) was never uttered in public or in open spaces for fear that he might hear and mistake it as an invitation to tea which generally ends up with him eating all the Frosted Cupcakes and the 5 herds of cattle and not to mention the village blown up to smithereens in a friendly manner.

Just for conversations sakes, his name is Mud. Yes, that was the name given to him by his dragon dad. Not a popular name for sure. But thats what he was given, and he wasnt really complaining. Not like he could really complain to anyone or anything. Because as everyone (yes, everyone) knows, dragons lack the ability to complain. If you didnt know that, most likely a big burly Frenchman would come to your house and slap you in the face and rape your ass. Which is why its highly recomended that you keep your donkey well locked in the shed. French people are crazy that way.

But I digress.

Like I said, dragons lack the ability to complain. And also, if I hadnt told you already, Mud was the last of his kind. Which makes him sad. And horny. Which is not the best combination if you want your countryside to be free of giant holes in the ground.

So, in the end, because of his dragon horniness, he exploded and died. So there goes the last of the dragons. The people rejoiced by eating the dragon meat. Which was a big mistake because for one thing, dragon meat is explosive when it exits the human bunghole. So you can imagine the outhouses exploding in a ball of flame, bits of human bowels and shit everywhere. Those who found out about the unique explosive qualities of digested dragon meat were so scared to shit, they were literally scared shitless! Which meant that they couldnt crap no matter how hard they wanted to! But in the end, they died from faecal poisoning.

And so, the moral of the story is, Dont eat dragon meat. It will kill you.

The End.

Okay. Like I said. Off the top of my head. Odd place, top of my head.

Interesting sites!!!

So here I am, all sick an' all from the flu (ah, ye has bested me yet again, Meester Flu!). Best part is I get to get off from work. wOOt!!! So got home, stripped down to my boxers, went online and found these two websites.

Stumbleupon - Ever went online and didnt know where to go? Like pottery but dont know what google is? (idiot.) Tired of porn? Tired of porn involving furniture and odd looking fruits? Check this site out. I'd explain, but when was the last time anyone ever took me seriously?

Typenow - After using the stumbleupon.com, I found, or rather, "stumbled-upon" this site. Its mostly fonts used in movies, games and things like that. Spiffy!

And thats about it. Now I gotta go wipe my monitor.

Hello, 'smee!

Okay, straight to the point. These past months, I've been in a rut. A rut of laziness. A rut of laziness that is filled with bouts of boredom that is mostly filled with hours of DOTA on the net, hanging out with a few buds at the local mamak and other shit that I cant really remember.

But anyhoo, I think I've kinda gotten by shit together. For one thing, I've finally begun-to-begin-starting on my portfolio, which is basically a compilation of my works from, uh, work. So thats good. I've been procrastinating that shit for many months now. And man am I glad I actually started! You know how sometimes you wanna start something but you somehow tend to do other stuff, just to delay the thing that you actually have to do in the first place. Thats procrastination for you. Heh, just like an episode in Spongebob Square Pants that I saw last week. Or something.

Enough chit chat! A lotta things happened these coupla months. Some of em crappy, some of em kickass, some of em pretty much mundane. Sometimes, when things happen, I say to myself, "Hey, I really should write that in my blog," but then I end up NOT writing that in my blog. (see 'lazy rut' above.) Anyway, water under the bridge. I think my mood to blog has suddenly resurfaced and maybe, just maybe, I'll post a few shit here and there. Happy now, rkaru?!?! Oh, shut up.

Well, I'm bored already. Later, folks.

Update!

I love corel.

Okay, okay, I'll write!!! Chee...

Been a while blogged, lazy, bla bla bla. Usual 'return-back-to-blog' speech, etc etc. Bla bla bla summore. Rant about work. Going into actual blog content right about... now.

First off, I'd like to give much congrats to my good friend Farok the Dad on him having his second child, a baby girl. (Well, actually his wife was the one who 'had' the child. He just sat in a corner, passed out from all the blood and gore. Wuss.)

But I joke. Heard that he was there whole time, giving strength and encouragement to his wife, while she was pushing out a desk out her, uh, ladies area. (I've heard that giving birth feels like that. Though I think they MAY be exagerating.)

Well done, Farok's wife! Alhamdulillah, everything went A-Okay.

Well, thats about it. I'd blog more, but I gotta go do some shit. I'll end this entry with a riddle:

"Why do doctors and nurses wear masks over their nose and mouths when delivering a baby?"

Hello.

hi!

yay. hupdate!

peh, wa betol betol bz gile babas 2 - 3 minggu ni . malas gile aku nak menhupdate blog yang memang sejak azali tak best ni. ni pon haku hupdate sikit je. tak banyak pon. lagipon bukan ramai baca blog ni pon.

ni dah nak masok bulan lapan. peh wa cakap lu, abis bulan tujoh ni, aku memang betol2 lega ah. duit pon dapat. keja pon confirm abis sebab garismati memang cukop2 bulan. pastu keja aku pon dah 85.4325435% siap.

keja apa, ko tanye? keja khursus geography. bwahahaha. lawak bangang.

dah ah. aku nak pegi berasap.

Finally...

My vacation. 4 days with the fam in KL. Beats sitting doing stuff at the office anytime. KL, here I come!

Mmm... pizza...

Before it was stolen, a friend of mine borrowed my camera to take some food shots at his hotel.

Damn, looking at this makes me hungry.

The Hulk v.s Superman

And so it came to pass that I had a conversation with Ahilan the Indian regarding who'd win in a one on one deathmatch between The Incredible Hulk and Superman.

"Okay, so who'd win?" I asked.

"Definitely Superman, lah!" he replied.

"Heh, you're wrong. I think, nay, I KNOW the Hulk would win, hands down. No question about it!" I said, stroking my beard. Knowledgable people stroke their beards for some reason.

"No lah! Superman would win!"he said and continued to spew out reasons that I couldnt really remember. Or care.

"No flippin way, man. Wanna know why?"

"Why?!"

"It's like this- When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. BUT.." I said with a triumphant look on my face."

"But what?"

"BUT... when the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Chuck Norris!!! Game Over, Superman!" I says, slapping on my I-Stumped-You face. I love that face. Makes me look younger.

"Kepala hotak kau, seh." he said and was about to leave.

"Wait!!! I still havent told you who'd win between Rajnikanth and Superman!" Somehow, that got his attention. Rajnikanth is an indian actor in India. Very famous. Godlike to some. (No kidding. Ahilan told me about it.)

"Okay. Who'd win?"

"Chuck Norris."

"Shudduplah, Saddiq."

P.s: Oh, and if you didnt know, this is Rajnikanth.

Hello, remember me???

To avoid the cliché of stating the obvious, I'll just say 3 words: I've been lazy. You know what I mean. heh heh.

Anyhoot, its been quite an eventful month, and daym am I glad its already July . I thought June would never end, really. Work has been crazy as it has always been come the end of the month. Posters needed printing, cutting, pasting, and a lot of other stuff that Im sure just typing about it'll make me tired.

Speaking of posters, a funny thing happened the other day. I was on my poster fixing rounds on the hotel levels when I discovered 2 screws thats used to hold up the transparent acrylic board had gone a-missing. Some itchy fingered bastard thought that he'd be the most coolest guy among the losers at his local Akademi Fantasia fan club if he'd gone and steal the screws. So anyway I reported this to my boss and went along my day.

A few hours later, I went on another poster fix when Miss L, our resident housekeeper went up to me, carrying with her a piece of the acrylic board that I'd talked about earlier.

"Look at this," she said showing me the board. "I found this hanging by only one screw over at the tenth floor," she said, handing me a single lone screw. I bet it was prolly sad that its brothers were missing. Poor little screw. Waitaminit, screw the screw!

"Holy Crap!!!" I says. "Which dumbass would do this? Stupid!" I said, and explained to her about the 2 previous screws missing, thinking that it must the same type of stupid-ass thieves with itchy fingers. The ones that probably cry when some idiot at AF gets booted off the fucking show. Those type.

"Yeah, people are crazy. And you know what else? Three screws are missing!" she said, holding up her fingers to emphasize the 3. Yes, miss. I know how to count and I know what a 3 looks like. Of course, it actually looks like half an 8, which I find to be extremely weird because half an eight (which is a 4) doesnt look like a 3. Roman numerals are weird. But enough maths.

"Man, that sucks," I said, shaking my head. "Well, anyway, thanks for bringing this down. I'll inform my boss ASAP about this whole thing. Crazy lah these stupid people. Idiots even." Saying that made me feel good, coz I was actually thinking of the contestants of Akademi Fantasia.

"Yeah. Crazy," she nodded in agreement, and went her way.

Half an hour later, after I've finished my work, Miss L came over to my office.

"Look what I found," she said, jingling 3 screws in her hands. "You know where I found these?" she asked. Somehow along the way, she found out about my psychic abilities and wanted to test me out.

"Uh, no." Damn, psychic powers..not..working...mental..strength..draining... gah..

"On the lightbulb ornamental covers. I was standing around and I saw these things sitting on that thing."

Something stirred in the back of my head. Uh-oh...

"On the WAITAMINIT! lightbulb ornamental covers, you say? I USUALLY PUT THE SCR- OH FU- Wow. Heh heh. Which dumbass would do such a IT WAS YOU, YOU IDIOT! YOU'D FORGOTTEN TO- silly silly thing. Heh heh. These type of people takda kerja betol lah MANGKOK. ADA KE LUPE NAK PASANG BALIK SKRU. LEPAS TU SALAHKAN ORANG heh heh" I said, grinning. If she knew what went on in my head, I'd be very embarrased.

"Yeah. I agree. These people really gila one."

"Yeah PEH,DIA CAKAP AKU GILE gila. Well, thanks, Miss L."

Ever had on of those moments where you're 125% sure that, in your own ignorance, you're sure you've done nothing wrong and you're on top of the pedestal of 'The Blissfully Ignorant' while the other people are staring up at you in awe and respect coz you're amongst some powerful people. Like Politicians. And Mat Rempits. And Women Drivers. When suddenly someone throws The Brick of Realization smack in the centre of your nuts and you fall off and join those others, while clutching your balls of . Embarrasing, really.

CRAP!!! I WAS THE 'CRAZY IDIOT' THAT SUPPOSEDLY STOLE THE 3 SCREWS AND LEFT THE BOARD HANGING. FUCK!

Turns out when I was on my poster fixing rounds, I'd forgotten to re-hang the acrylic cover and proceeded to do the next level. When all the while the thing was hanging there like some ugly, hanging... thing. And later went on to blame some poor imaginary sod. And calling myself a Dumbass Crazy Stupid AF watching Idiot in the process. Wow, unknowlingly calling yourself Stupid Hurts your self esteem. I think I died a little inside.

Nice going, Diq.

Well theres a moral to this story, but I cant really put my finger on it. You figure it out.